Fall out with best friend > Was I wrong?

[seeking]

It's really strange that he didn't even have one respond right after that message, even if "are you joking?" or something like that would be understood. But cutting off straight away after that is really strange to me.

A side question, is your friend also gay, and if he knows you are ?

[Anocxu]

The thread is titled "Fall Out With Best Friend"

When it should be "Ignored By Best Friend "
Or
"My Best Friend Will Not Talk To Me"

If you're in distress the first person you should be able to call is your best friend. .
He should feel the need to be there for you. .

[hasher22]

It's really strange that he didn't even have one respond right after that message, even if "are you joking?" or something like that would be understood. But cutting off straight away after that is really strange to me.

A side question, is your friend also gay, and if he knows you are?

Yes, he is also gay, we are both out to everyone. Work, family, friends and strangers that ask the "are you gay?" question.

Yes, I don't understand how he can ignore me all of a sudden after the incident. Every time I think about it, I am sad not angry. Dumbfounded not revengeful. Confused.

It's been approx 1 month now since he started ignoring me. All I can do is just see what happens before Christmas with his present. All I want if for him to be safe, well and happy and for I can just give him my present and move on with my life. But at the end of the day, wish he was there but oh well....

[East]

I am sorry that happened...and I am also very sorry that you had the experience of being raped ...it is a slap in the face initially.... to get that reaction..I know from experience...but the reaction you got is more common than you might realize...

This is a subject that most people are extremely uncomfortable with...and chances are they have no idea what to say.

I know one of the reasons why. When you look at the statistics for molestation/rape....they are staggering....and the dynamics of the situation often involve a family member and silence ...and trying to forget about it and pretend it never happened are the usual roads people take as they have no other choice....

You won't know who these people are as adults..they are like everyone else...but they have to avoid certain topics because it might bring up the thing they are trying to run from..or trying to forget...and even thinking about rape invokes feelings they don't want to ever feel again...so they stay silent and try to forget that you even said it....

I don't know if that is his reason or not...but what you might want to do is take the high road and tell yourself that he must have a big block for some reason...and accept that he doesn't have what it takes to help you..or maybe even listen to it...or respond to it...a lot of people don't.

It does hurt...but eventually it will be you that has to heal yourself so what he didn't give to you....try to give it to yourself. It will matter...a lot....

I think since you are open about it now...you should seek a same sex rape counselor or professional....dealing with it sooner than later will be a big plus in your life ((()))

[RainV]

First of all, I'm sorry you have gone through the experience of rape. Hope you'll get over it soon and that you'll be more cautious before going to risky places like the park with people you don't know very well in the future.
I agree that maybe the phone wasn't the best way to communicate this experience to your friend since it could lead to misunderstandings (he would think it was a bad joke, it could have brought traumatic memories to his mind and so on), though I can't blame you: after a rape experience I'm pretty sure you have too much on your mind to think clear about your actions.
In any case, I think your "friend" is a total jerk. I dont' see the reason why he would ignore you without giving you the chance to explain things. Even if he would took the message as a bad joke he should have had the courtesy to tell you in person that he didn't appreciate it or what's wrong with him.
As sad as it sounds, one never fully knows people until this kind of experiences happen. It doesn't matter if you have shared lots of moments together or have bonded with each others families...when a conflict appears you get to now your friends and acquaintances true colors. Even the most charming and sweet person could take out the mask to reveal another individual you didn't imagined would exist.
There's a little motto in my country that says " You know your friends in jail or in bed". If this is the way he's gonna be whenever something horrible happens to you, I think it's time to search for another friend: One that really cares.
As for the gift, in my humble opinion I don't think he deserves it. I understand that it means a lot to you, that it cost some bucks and that you're not searching revenge. However, if you still plan to give it to him, I agree with one the suggestions posted above: send it to him with a note saying "Thanks for not being there for me when I needed you the most".
I wish you the best of lucks, I hope that both your body and heart will heal very soon from this experience.

[thawoods]

wuht? all i can say is he is worse than an enemy.

[deltalover4]

I'm so sorry about your traumatic experience. But I agree that text wasn't the way to introduce this ordeal to your friend. He could have been offended, thinking that it was a sick joke. I personally would have kept trying to reach him to explain things better, but history has told me that people resist even more when you try to pry yourself back into their life...

Keep us informed, I'm sure he'll come back around.

[hasher22]

Hey guys,

Thank you so much for your replies

Update 20.11.15
- Police still not have found the person and in all honesty, don't think they will cause all the information he gave to me, that I gave to the police leads nowhere. Number disconnected, fake address, no facebook. All I have are some pics which they have, but only time can tell if they are active on this case

- As for my ex-best-friend, I still not have heard from him. At this point, I'm still disappointed, not angry, not revengeful either. I just hope he's ok and I will soon forgive and never forget.

- As for the present, approx 1 week ago, I tried calling him, he didn't pick up as usual. I went to his home and gave it to his mother to give to him. His mother texted me stating he got it and he opened it. But no message from him saying thanks or anything, but that was expected.

I am so thankful for the replies guys and it really did help me aid myself and my future actions.