My Jokes

[thawoods]

3 vampires entered a bar

rich vampire: fresh blood please!
middle-class vampire: a blood sausage please!
poor vampire: a sanitary napkin please! tea-time, anyone?

[Pinkie]

Hi. Answer these questions as soon as they're read:

A. Is it quicker to New York or by train?
B. Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?
C. What's Mickey Mouse, a cat or a dog?
D. What's the difference between a duck?

Hurts the brain . . .

[thawoods]

Gays vs. Straights

a straight man's motto: "Make love not war!"
a gay man's motto: "Stop over-population, be gay!"

[thawoods]

people say we have two ears to listen more and one mouth to talk less

but why do we have two balls and one penis?

[thawoods]

if you understand Tagalog, you'll get this:

Teacher: Class, the from henceforth we shall speak English from this day forward are we clear?
Pedro: ***raises hand***
Teacher: ...OK, Pedro.
Pedro: ...ma'am, may I go out?
Teacher: ...why?
Pedro: ...because father, mother me!
Teacher: ***?????***
Pedro: ...tataina ako!

[thawoods]

a gay man tithed a large sum of money at his church

pastor: thank you for this tithe, now you may select 3 hymns.
gay man: ok, i choose, him, him and him ...

[thawoods]

What did Archimedes forgot to add when he said to find a place?: A ruler big enough

[thawoods]

girl: mum, back in school, they told me that they'd pay me a pound if i do a tumble so that they could see my panty
mum: what? what happened next?
girl: that's why i took them off before i did it!

[Sotres]

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So they can see the battle

[Meurzh]

Is this supposed to be a German humour thread?