Coming out to parents at 51

[kindy64]

How do I do this? Currently I'm thinking of sending them a letter, but even with that I'm not sure what to say.

I've never been close to my family, rarely include them on what's going on in my life, barely talk to them even when I'm visiting them.

I've been putting this off for a year now. I wanted to visit them a number of times now, but things never seem to work out. Mostly because I've been flat broke since I separated last year from my wife. I have to visit them, and this Christmas season will definitely be out there (they are in CT, I live in Indiana.) I have to tell them, as I want to bring my boyfriend with me.

Any advice?

[thawoods]

wow, congrats, trust me, it's never easy, but it's worth it.

[Darius]

Do you mind if I ask why you are hesitant to tell them when you are not close to them? It seems like that would make it easier. Many families have so much drama at Christmas, so perhaps not wait until them to do it. Why not call them?

[Anocxu]

Coming into your own , being true to yourself.. and you're ready to share the news..
Well done!!

~>Catching up with your folks after your divorce ..
~>Coming Out as gay after being married to a woman..
~>Introducing your boyfriend. .
^^^
This is a tall order..
You should definitely simplify. .

Here is a question. .
How do your parents feel about Homosexuality?

Do you have any clue as to how your parents will react to the news?

I ask this question for this reason..
What are the odds that this could humiliate or throw your boyfriend in an awkward situation?

[Anocxu]

I just read in another thread where you posted your boyfriend is 20..

Yeah. .
Umm..
Write a letter to your folks first. .

Good luck!!


<FLEEEEEEEEEEE >

[Insertnamehere]

Given the state of your relationship with them, I say, write the letter, send it and be done with it. Do it and don't think about it.

At this point in your life they can't possibly affect you if their reaction is negative and by contrast you'll be winning something if they have a positive reaction.

[kindy64]

Do you mind if I ask why you are hesitant to tell them when you are not close to them? It seems like that would make it easier. Many families have so much drama at Christmas, so perhaps not wait until them to do it. Why not call them?

The mere thought of getting on the phone gives me severe anxiety, always has. Curiously, my bf is the only person I snap up the phone for and have no trouble calling. A recent roommate even commented on this.

Why am I hesitant?? Good question, deep down I still want their approval, and fear their rejection? Haven't really explored this one in therapy.

[kindy64]

Coming into your own , being true to yourself.. and you're ready to share the news..
Well done!!

~>Catching up with your folks after your divorce ..
~>Coming Out as gay after being married to a woman..
~>Introducing your boyfriend. .
^^^
This is a tall order..
You should definitely simplify. .

Here is a question. .
How do your parents feel about Homosexuality?

Do you have any clue as to how your parents will react to the news?

I ask this question for this reason..
What are the odds that this could humiliate or throw your boyfriend in an awkward situation?

Have no clue what they feel about homosexuality, or bisexuality. Have no clue what their reaction will be either. At worst, they disown me, or have a heart attack... (they are older then me after all, and mom is not in the best of health.) Being disowned wouldn't be an immediate burden to me, I talk to them maybe 4 or 5 times a year. While being in their will would have it's benefits down the road, it's not something I count on or care about.

Well, the reason behind writing now, is to introduce them to the idea I'm not straight. Then come Christmas visit I was going to tell them I was bringing someone special along with me...

As far as my boyfriend being humiliated, not sure it would effect him in the least. If they rejected him, I'd just leave their house and not worry about it. He's already used to being in an awkward situation with me (dating a 51 year old...) I can guarantee he's more mature then my older (by one year) sister.

[kindy64]

Given the state of your relationship with them, I say, write the letter, send it and be done with it. Do it and don't think about it.

At this point in your life they can't possibly affect you if their reaction is negative and by contrast you'll be winning something if they have a positive reaction.

Thank you for making it so straightforward. You are right, my life really wouldn't be impacted much if they were negative about it.

[Cuddly]

Bringing your boyfriend to christmas at your parents' house without letting them have time to process you being gay might be a step too far. I guess if you let them know today and air the idea of taking someone special with your for christmas later on... Maybe..

Remember how long it took for you to accept yourself. Others might need time too. Introducing a boyfriend could give them someone to blame and that just sounds awful!