Need Relationship Advice/Opinions

[Frank21]

Thank you everyone! all opinions help a lot.

[meridannight]

you should familiarize guys you're getting into a ''relationship'' with on your history and these tendencies of yours to fall for several different guys at once/in a short time. men don't generally get into a relationship and expect it to last only a couple of months. you should take relationships more seriously than that, and not get involved in one every available chance you run across. every guy you happen to like, doesn't mean you need to start a relationship with him. guys usually get to know each other first, sexually and otherwise, over a considerable amount of time to know how they feel before getting involved in a relationship. you sound like you're taking it all way too lightly (common for your age though), as if this was some pastime to be engaged in, just for fun. it's not what it is.

relationships are a very serious matter, in fact. if one partner is unstable in terms of a relationship -- which you are -- he should be more careful about getting into one to begin with. the things you've been involved in sound more accurately as flings. there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting flings and wanting to be with a lot of different guys, but you should also realize that that is incompatible with a long-term serious monogamous relationship. and you should aim your intentions accordingly.

this obviously isn't something you're doing willfully since you want to change your behavior. but it is something that occurs naturally with you, this getting bored and falling for other men, which means you won't be able to change it just like that. it's what you're like. it will keep happening whether you like it or not. you should recognize that and accept that you're not a relationship material right now. guys your age usually aren't. so this isn't anything out of the ordinary you're describing. the fact that you think you can change your behavior from what comes naturally to you to something else simply by wishing so, is where you are wrong.

[meridannight]

Whatever "dating" means, does it have to be an exclusive relationship? There was a time--a long time ago, I realize--when straight folks would see several people at once. They were not tied down and everyone knew what was going on. These days all the talk seems to be of either being locked in or lonely. I don't get it.

Perhaps you would do well to lighten it up a little and work out something that amounts to not being tied down but still having a good time with other guys.

Now here is where I need some advice from the rest of you guys. Does this happen? Especially since the drive for same sex marriage the dynamic seems to have shifted, but has it shifted to such an extent that people can not see others without making a complete commitment?

Another thing. When I was younger 22 often meant that marriage was in the wind. These days it seems more like 30. Are a lot of younger guys missing this?

i can't speak for anybody else, but i agree with your perspective. and that is my own approach here. relationships aren't something to be started with with every guy you happen to feel attracted to/fall in love with. and even if he does seem like someone you want to settle down with, it was always my opinion that you needed to try being friends first (albeit with benefits). so, for a long time you were just seeing each other, getting to know one another, and never called it a relationship. because it was not. you barely even knew one another, let alone whether you wanted to spend your life with him.

and that's what a relationship means to me -- it is when i want to spend my life with the other guy. when i truly actually want him by my side every day for the rest of my life. and that is not something that happens with every guy i fall in love with. relationship is not something you have with that cute guy you just met who gets your hormones raging to drift in and out of commitment with in the matter of days!

i do not know how often this happens. it does seem to me that younger people are getting into relationships more easily and that they don't realize the full implications of the matter. it's not being roommates, it's not something to use to be able to change your facebook status (to quote an extreme interpretation). it is a very serious matter and should be undertaken only when you are 500% sure you want that man by your side for the rest of your life.

it is not a compliment having been in a lot of relationships. you're supposed to have this number on the lower end. you're supposed to get this one right, not end up endlessly experimenting/practicing.