Need Advice

[Anonymous]

I apologize in advance, this might be a long post and to really explain everything I have to explain my past as well. I was raised by my grandparent's, and everything good in me came from them. Whether it was helping my grandmother biological mother or sister cook and talking to them as they brought out my kind caring heart, or working on cars with my grandfather to an extent as he taught me about silent strength as well as being the armor for the people you love if that makes sense. If I would have come out back then I knew they would have accepted me. They were old fashioned, but understanding and loving. I still wonder if my grandfather knew though with some of the old stories he told me when I was old enough with him and his gay friend in his younger days. After they passed away, I knew I lost the only real people who loved me unconditionally aside from another sibling who I wonder about. Especially after my biological mother and sister were gone as well. I've had no friends at all, and before finding this site the loneliness used to get really bad at times, and still does to a degree. When I was fourteen I started spending more time with my sister and other sibling to have company, but that also meant being around my abusive biological father. He was like a barrel of whiskey, he would be good one moment but could go sour quick. He didn't like drinking alone, and with a bad temper I was drinking with him at fourteen. I drank to numb what I felt, the abuse and the fear if he ever found out I was gay. I would just drink until I passed out not caring, and wondering if the next malt liquor would be my last. It's ironic, but when I was twenty one when I should have started having a good time I stopped drinking as I knew the physical price wasn't worth it anymore, and by then my father had tired with me anyway. After my grandparent's passed I ended up having to stay with him full time, and even though he has mellowed out each day could still be hell if I don't watch it. I am into music, and even though I enjoy playing I always looked at it as my way out. I have complexes as well as insecurity's, but my main two are of being an outsider again kind of like being worried about making friends because your afraid of losing them and being alone again and abandonment. I've never had a BF or anyone special although I want one, but I know I am ugly I can still hear my biological father's voice saying I would always be alone because of how ugly I was. I know it may sound sappy or dumb as well, but I'm a one guy man. I would devote myself to that special someone only seeing them, and spend my life with my only goal being to see them smile. I'm a rose pettle leading to a candle lit dinner type of guy, and no store bought stuff. Home made as I know some recipe's. I know I'm a hopeless romantic. I know a BF can't cure all of my problem's or anything, and that all good things come in time, but I would like someone to at least give my heart to if that makes sense. Some of you may know who I am with how I am with words, but after talking to a friend I am in it for the long haul here on GS. To meet new awesome friends, and possibly more as well as to improve my social skills. I was just hoping for some advice. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.

[Keith]

MY teacher had problems on finding a life partner before, he said, "i am ugly and quiet, my major is chemistry but now i am teaching you about food and nutrition. i was super fat. for once i felt that i will end my life alone, but eventually i found someone. what i did was just keep my hair and face clean." i think what you lack is your confidence and love.
and you can not just say that you are ugly, you can be very cool in someone`s eyes. Like superstars, you must know someone famous that you think is ugly but still has many fans. I always think that i am ugly but my ex always told me that i was beautiful.
You can try say hi to some friends here. You are quite popular here! also go out more with someone you know. or sometime just go out alone, take a trip, maybe get a travelpal.
We appreaciate goodlooking people, its true. but we also value good hearts. people with snake heart and angel skin always ends miseriable in tv shows.

[valkyrie4488]

MY teacher had problems on finding a life partner before, he said, "i am ugly and quiet, my major is chemistry but now i am teaching you about food and nutrition. i was super fat. for once i felt that i will end my life alone, but eventually i found someone. what i did was just keep my hair and face clean." i think what you lack is your confidence and love.
and you can not just say that you are ugly, you can be very cool in someone`s eyes. Like superstars, you must know someone famous that you think is ugly but still has many fans. I always think that i am ugly but my ex always told me that i was beautiful.
You can try say hi to some friends here. You are quite popular here! also go out more with someone you know. or sometime just go out alone, take a trip, maybe get a travelpal.
We appreaciate goodlooking people, its true. but we also value good hearts. people with snake heart and angel skin always ends miseriable in tv shows.

Very true, and I see your point. As you said we may think ourselves ugly, but in someone else's eyes we may be beautiful. We just have to keep hope alive, and keep searching. Thank you Keith, I really appreciate that as well as your kind words. I will be going out for most of the day tomorrow, and to the mall to hang out to see what happens where there are allot of cute guys. lol With all intended respect as well, you are beautiful from your pictures as is Mick and everyone I've met here. Hope you don't mind me saying. Though like you said what's in a person's heart means allot as well, and I believe the same. I'm guessing you knew it was me as well. lol XD Enough with charades though, not sure why I posted anonymous but it was me. Just shy I guess. *Blush* Thank you again, and it is nice to meet you. ^_^

[Insertnamehere]

You've spent your days influenced by bad things out of your control. That is not your fault.

Those bad things, however, don't seem to have taken a toll on the good things you have aqcuired over the years, the source of which, you point out to be your grandparents.

At least this is what I can collect from interacting with you so far.

If anything I've found out being on this forum and knowing the peeps here is that to some degree or another most of us are a wee bit fucked up.

But none of us are beyond repair.

You are no different.

This place might be a good start, because being behind of a screen is way less stressful.

The first step is to put a stop to the voice of your father. He does not dictate what you are and his words and assessments are not reliable.

The second thing is to identify and focus in the things you think or others think that are good about you. Learn not to measure yourself with your perceived flaws, but with your strenghts.

So far, I can see a supportive and kind person, and boy is that important.

Once you can do this, I think you'll be more prepared to get into the world and succeed in doing so

[AlfredM]

I'm not sure what kind of advice you're asking from your post, cause it sounds like you're a great guy with just some self esteem issues, but who among us doesn't? You should have known better not to take your father's word deeply. Go out and meet some guys, easier said than done huh? [emoji16]

[MikeW]

.... I know a BF can't cure all of my problem's or anything, and that all good things come in time, but I would like someone to at least give my heart to if that makes sense. Some of you may know who I am with how I am with words, but after talking to a friend I am in it for the long haul here on GS. To meet new awesome friends, and possibly more as well as to improve my social skills. I was just hoping for some advice. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.

First off, I don't get why you felt the need to make this an anonymous post. You don't owe me an explanation any more than you owe one to anyone but I just find it odd. You want to be our friend but you don't trust sharing yourself ... and getting whatever response we dish out?

You may think you're a "hopeless romantic," but I can't help but notice how many times you use the word "I" in your wall of text. I, I, I... me,me,me... its all about ME DAMN IT!!!

Well, actually, no it isn't. This is *especially* true in a romantic relationship. At some point THE OTHER GUY has to register as a real, live, human being with thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, fears, strengths and weaknesses... that may be every bit as difficult for him as your own are for you. IOW, at some point, if we want a relationship, we have to stop focusing on OUR OWN BAGGAGE and start BEING THERE... not only FOR another guy... but WITH him.

Understand? WITH? That means SHOWING UP. Putting your baggage aside for a minute and showing up. So the two of you can BE THERE with one another.

Does that make sense? The way you were THERE WITH your grandparents. Being there with someone is what makes those kinds of memories.

I don't even know why you brought this whole thing about your dad and alcohol and all that into the picture... it doesn't make any sense to me. Are you telling us you're an alcoholic? If so, get your ass to an AA meeting and begin the program.

IDK... You didn't ask a question but you put this out there hoping for *some* reply, I assume. Well. Here's mine. Stop focusing so much on yourself. Seriously. Or, put differently, if you're going to focus so much attention on yourself, begin to look at and share with us and the world the strong qualities you have. Don't make it all about your weaknesses or what you want for lack of. What you fear and so on. Tell us, show us (and yourself) what you HAVE to share, have to bring to a relationship. Don't hide yourself under a paper bag or behind a wall of personal misery.

Personally? I don't want rose petals, hearts and flowers. I don't want fantasy lovey dovey bull shit. I want the real stuff. Here. Now. BEING. Together. It can be fun. It can be serious. It can be hot as fuck. Blood, sweat and tears. It can even be boring at times... nothing wrong with any of that. But "make believe".... "Cinderella?" No way. I'd rather choke on a polish sausage and die.

[valkyrie4488]

You've spent your days influenced by bad things out of your control. That is not your fault.

Those bad things, however, don't seem to have taken a toll on the good things you have aqcuired over the years, the source of which, you point out to be your grandparents.

At least this is what I can collect from interacting with you so far.

If anything I've found out being on this forum and knowing the peeps here is that to some degree or another most of us are a wee bit fucked up.

But none of us are beyond repair.

You are no different.

This place might be a good start, because being behind of a screen is way less stressful.

The first step is to put a stop to the voice of your father. He does not dictate what you are and his words and assessments are not reliable.

The second thing is to identify and focus in the things you think or others think that are good about you. Learn not to measure yourself with your perceived flaws, but with your strenghts.

So far, I can see a supportive and kind person, and boy is that important.

Once you can do this, I think you'll be more prepared to get into the world and succeed in doing so

Thank you Insert. *Friendly hugs* Very true. I will stop as well as tone out his voice, and as you said his words can't dictate who I am. I agree, focusing on the good thing's as well as strength's would be the best way to go. It is appreciated. My friends here on GS or elsewhere mean allot to me, and no matter what else may be going on I find myself thinking of them if there's anyway to be of help. I will try, and thank you again. Talking to you has honestly meant allot.

I'm not sure what kind of advice you're asking from your post, cause it sounds like you're a great guy with just some self esteem issues, but who among us doesn't? You should have known better not to take your father's word deeply. Go out and meet some guys, easier said than done huh? [emoji16]

True, we all do have some issues self esteem related or otherwise. Thank you, I appreciate that. I was just looking for some general advice or what others thought's were about it, and I might have worded this thread wrong I apologize. Was tired when I posted it last night, and had today's doctor's appointment on my mind as well. That is easier said than done. lol I do plan on going out tomorrow to live a little. Thank you again.

First off, I don't get why you felt the need to make this an anonymous post. You don't owe me an explanation any more than you owe one to anyone but I just find it odd. You want to be our friend but you don't trust sharing yourself ... and getting whatever response we dish out?

You may think you're a "hopeless romantic," but I can't help but notice how many times you use the word "I" in your wall of text. I, I, I... me,me,me... its all about ME DAMN IT!!!

Well, actually, no it isn't. This is *especially* true in a romantic relationship. At some point THE OTHER GUY has to register as a real, live, human being with thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, fears, strengths and weaknesses... that may be every bit as difficult for him as your own are for you. IOW, at some point, if we want a relationship, we have to stop focusing on OUR OWN BAGGAGE and start BEING THERE... not only FOR another guy... but WITH him.

Understand? WITH? That means SHOWING UP. Putting your baggage aside for a minute and showing up. So the two of you can BE THERE with one another.

Does that make sense? The way you were THERE WITH your grandparents. Being there with someone is what makes those kinds of memories.

I don't even know why you brought this whole thing about your dad and alcohol and all that into the picture... it doesn't make any sense to me. Are you telling us you're an alcoholic? If so, get your ass to an AA meeting and begin the program.

IDK... You didn't ask a question but you put this out there hoping for *some* reply, I assume. Well. Here's mine. Stop focusing so much on yourself. Seriously. Or, put differently, if you're going to focus so much attention on yourself, begin to look at and share with us and the world the strong qualities you have. Don't make it all about your weaknesses or what you want for lack of. What you fear and so on. Tell us, show us (and yourself) what you HAVE to share, have to bring to a relationship. Don't hide yourself under a paper bag or behind a wall of personal misery.

Personally? I don't want rose petals, hearts and flowers. I don't want fantasy lovey dovey bull shit. I want the real stuff. Here. Now. BEING. Together. It can be fun. It can be serious. It can be hot as fuck. Blood, sweat and tears. It can even be boring at times... nothing wrong with any of that. But "make believe".... "Cinderella?" No way. I'd rather choke on a polish sausage and die.

I apologize, no offense was intended. As I said in the previous quote I was tired when I posted it last night, and had today's doctor's appointment on my mind as well. Otherwise I would have been more clear headed, and not posted anonymously or possibly worded it wrong. I trust all my friends as well as everyone here completely which is why I finally vented my past, and fixed my mistake of posting anonymously today. I was looking for general advice or what others thought's might be. I don't mean to mention myself that much, in fact mostly I think of others and I realize in a relationship it's just as much about the other person. Just thought it would better explain why the way I am along with my insecurity's and complexes if I explained my past as well. I'm not an alcoholic either, stopped years ago. lol Just worried allot that I might sound weird or scare others away, and about reaction's. You have stated some very valid point's though, and your right. That is from your perspective which I respect like my post was from mine, and you seem like a wise person. I can leave my baggage, but I'm not used to talking about myself for the most part with this being among the few threads where I have. Usually I'm there for friends or those I care about helping anyway possible even if it's just listening which as long as there okay that's all that matters. I'm an open book though, and don't mind sharing. Here are my quality's as you said, and it may be behind a PC screen but this is honestly who I am. Kind, caring, supportive, protective, laid back and open about stuff which all of those are by nature. The skill's I have are cooking, fixing certain thing's, knowing my way around a PC having built my own, working on certain cars and playing bass along with cleaning. May have forgotten a few, but that sums it up. Sorry if any of that sounded dumb or wasn't the reply you were looking for, but I'm not overly smart at times where as you seem amazingly so like the others here. If you have any question's I would be happy to answer them, like I said I'm an open book. Everything I said was with all respect as well, and thank you.

[MikeW]

... Sorry if any of that sounded dumb or wasn't the reply you were looking for, but I'm not overly smart at times where as you seem amazingly so like the others here. If you have any question's I would be happy to answer them, like I said I'm an open book. Everything I said was with all respect as well, and thank you.

You seem smart enough to me. Now I understand you needed to have a thread more focused on yourself and I respect that. Unfortunately I don't have time to reply fully... and haven't had the time I used to, to just hang out in the forum and get to know you guys. So... sorry if I seemed a bit cross. I'm a cranky old man, what can I say? I do have a sense of humor though. AND I can be corrected. if I over step my bounds, all one has to do is tell me. Or if I get something wrong I can own it, apologize and move on. So, yeah, I didn't know who 'anonymous' was or where all that was coming from and I didn't see the other thread. Keep on keeping on and I'll try to be more aware of you guys and your personal histories. Difficult when I have so little time.

[valkyrie4488]

You seem smart enough to me. Now I understand you needed to have a thread more focused on yourself and I respect that. Unfortunately I don't have time to reply fully... and haven't had the time I used to, to just hang out in the forum and get to know you guys. So... sorry if I seemed a bit cross. I'm a cranky old man, what can I say? I do have a sense of humor though. AND I can be corrected. if I over step my bounds, all one has to do is tell me. Or if I get something wrong I can own it, apologize and move on. So, yeah, I didn't know who 'anonymous' was or where all that was coming from and I didn't see the other thread. Keep on keeping on and I'll try to be more aware of you guys and your personal histories. Difficult when I have so little time.

No worries, and thank you. I appreciate that, and glad to meet another amazing person here. I know what it can be like to have little time to check out the forum or hang around, I just hope all is well and your alright. Thank you again Mike. Take care, and I hope to talk again.