Deal Breakers

[InbetweenDreams]

Well trust is a big thing. I think we want the fairy tale approach and live happily ever after, but we're human and we suck at times...

I hate to think that I would get upset at my partner, argue and fight over something infantile... but again we're human and it is likely...and I think it is normal to spar here and there...I think I would worried that everything is lovey dovey like Ned Flanders...

The trick though is overcoming the arguments about crap. I'm sure there has to some something about me or something I do that probably annoys someone...

[AlfredM]

Deal breakers eh. Let's see...

1. Emotional immaturity. This is very hard to measure though, sometimes people are still growing, and I won't say that I myself am fully emotionally matured either.

2. Smokers. From a distance, they look hot, but as I get closer, the smell and the smoke are killing me! I can't stand the smell especially. I guess a casual smoker is still okay, but I hate it when somebody smoke in front of me. And I was asthmatic during my childhood, so I get suffocated with the smoke alone. Now, e-cig and shisha, those I'm okay though.

3. Drugs and alcohol. Other than weeds, I don't think I could handle it. Again, casually only. Moderate alcohol consumption, no problem, but not alcoholic.

4. Bigotry. I've had enough just from being gay and a Muslim. I don't get it when a group of people who has face bigotry personally but still could very well be a bigot to other group.

5. Dishonesty. Cheating is one thing, but lying about it, or any other thing for that matter, big no.

6. Poor command of English. This is more of a turn off. This was one of the reason I break up with my ex. I can't communicate with him on a deeper level.

7. Strong opinion on politics. Whether you're right or left wing, I don't think any side is absolutely correct all the time. I like to be on the neutral side and make my own opinion based on each issues. But some issues are just too complex that I'd rather not get too deep.

8. Short tempered. My father is one. I love him, but I've had tolerated enough from him.

And maybe more. That's all for now.

[Cridders88]

Deal breakers eh. Let's see...

That's pretty much my list too Alfred. Honesty is a big thing to me, along with being upfront and not hiding things. Also, if someone wasn't feeling as into me as I was them I would want them to tell me. Sod being let down gently. I prefer honesty rather than to be strung along.

Agreed about the drugs/alcohol. In moderation, fine. I drink modest amounts of alcohol every now and then. I smoke weed probably once or twice a year (I have no desire to do it any more than that). Chronic use, big fat no. And I am not judging. I have BEEN THERE. I wouldn't have wanted to date someone like I was back then.

I think also, just be nice. Treat 'em mean keep them keen DOES NOT work with me.

[AlfredM]

That's pretty much my list too Alfred. Honesty is a big thing to me, along with being upfront and not hiding things. Also, if someone wasn't feeling as into me as I was them I would want them to tell me. Sod being let down gently. I prefer honesty rather than to be strung along.

Ah yeah, the ability to open up and being vulnerable. Tough breaking that wall, but at least one step at a time, yeah? And who likes being strung along eh?

I think also, just be nice. Treat 'em mean keep them keen DOES NOT work with me.

Funny that some folks think that's the best way to get attention, especially if the other person is hot.


I think I'll add a few more.

9. Non-monogamy arrangement. While it's great that it works for some people, I don't think it will work on me. Sure, the idea of a threesome or getting to sleep with other people while having a partner of your own is kinda tempting to say the least, but I feel enough from just a partner and I would want him to feel the same too. Plus health wise speaking, there are lots of perks to monogamy, and I don't want to worry about getting STDs or HIV all my life, it stresses me out every time I got tested.

10. Marriage and children. This will scare the fuck out of every guy if I try to bring it up so early in the relationship, but at some point, I wanna know how he feels about traditional family values. Just because I'm gay, I don't want to give up on having my own family at some point of my life. Watching GayFamilyValues YouTube channel just made me want it more as I could see it being a reality. And having a faith means that much for me to get married eventually, at least religiously, though it'd be nice to do it legally too for emergency times like being admitted to a hospital (that's when you can see how different it is to not get recognized in the eyes of the law, ie. Only family members can visit, make medical decision, etc). Some guys are strongly against those, which is fine, but that would make us incompatible in the later stage of the relationship.

[InbetweenDreams]

I think one thing I would have a hard time with is someone who refuses to snuggle/cuddle...

[trywait]

honesty and kindness. if you're not honest, how will I believe anything you say?

and kindness... a brilliant mind is useless without a gentle heart.

so the converse of those are deal breakers: dishonesty and malice

[strider65]

just my 2 cents...

one of my deal breakers is guys who are judgemental...

everyone has their flaws, is a human being and is working through them.

meth is different from pot... and I'll not tolerate a thief, someone who I can't trust with finances. as I've said before, I'll not tolerate someone who is violent, the first time would be the last.

but I would not cut someone out because they have human frailities...

everyone has to decide what they'll put up with and what they will not and that's a personal decision for everyone.

[strider65]

well said man

[strider65]

anyone who makes it through a day man, and shows a gentle heart

god/goddess bless

[InbetweenDreams]

Everyone is judgmental...to some degree or another... I used to overlook way too much and was why I got myself into some not so great ordeals with a few guys... Just a matter of what matters to you in how you judge someone and to be reasonable... all are which very subjective...