Are You in Love or Clinically Insane?

[InbetweenDreams]

So I'll be quite honest I haven't had to deal with feelings like this in a long time...and perhaps I'm just drunk on my own neurotransmitters but.... I can't really get him out of my head. No not seeing things, but I started wondering to myself does this mean I am in love with him? This article didn't help...

http://www.livescience.com/33720-13-scie...-love.html

Ugh.. It's not that I don't want to be but I feel it is way too early to be throwing around the "love" word in text messages... and so on. I have always been careful about not throwing it around it's something that has to be mutual and have to be serious about it. But... He drives me crazy with his pretty eyes and smile...oh damn it!



No, I'm not crazy like Mad Madam Mim....

So help me out here... Not sure what to really make of it... Definitely a roller coaster up in here...

[MikeW]

Well, you're infatuated. Crushing, too, apparently. Nothing wrong with that.

LOVE.... that's a whole other thing. People get them confused with infatuation, crushing, lust, all kinds of things. But real love... idk how to explain it. For sure it isn't the insanity that infatuation and crushing can often be.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well, you're infatuated. Crushing, too, apparently. Nothing wrong with that.

LOVE.... that's a whole other thing. People get them confused with infatuation, crushing, lust, all kinds of things. But real love... idk how to explain it. For sure it isn't the insanity that infatuation and crushing can often be.

That's exactly what I thought...or basically drunk on neurotransmitters...

There's "in love" then there's really in love... Perhaps it is something contextual... I think the article should just stick to twitterpated lol

Real love...I guess if someone could describe the moment when they knew for sure that it was the real deal.

Like I say I don't like throwing the word around. I know that there different types, like obviously I love my mother in a different way than say my partner....when/if it becomes official...

I'm really trying to be careful about how I refer to this person...Which is why I say "the guy I'm dating" instead of boyfriend, partner and so on... I mean if he asked me at this moment if I wanted to "make it official" or something to the effect of course I do. I think he's fucking great! What can I say...

Now I think I have done well in the sense of not hounding him to death with text messages or trying to force my way into his business... Not something you do after 3 dates... I am very conscious about giving him his space... His schedule is crazy... mine is...repetitive and the same...

Anyway... that's some good info there and good to know that I'm not batshit crazy.

[MikeW]

That's exactly what I thought...or basically drunk on neurotransmitters.......Anyway... that's some good info there and good to know that I'm not batshit crazy.

I think it is great when two guys get infatuated with one another. And, yeah, neurotransmitters play a big part in that. It's that "first blush".

The thing is, that does begin to subside after a while. Well, provided the dating goes on for a while. That's when you begin to truly get to KNOW the other person (rather than your fantasy of who or what they are). Thats when things get truly interesting ... or, sometimes, boring ... or, sometimes, something else and not so nice.

I think the "trick" is to not invest more into the 'relationship' (such as it is) than the other guy is. I say this on the forum a lot: It's all about BALANCE. If you start getting more attached to him, or "into" him than he is to you... that's a recipe for heartache. Take it easy. Chill. Learn to live it and love it and enjoy it without obsessing about it or him.

[InbetweenDreams]

I think it is great when two guys get infatuated with one another. And, yeah, neurotransmitters play a big part in that. It's that "first blush".

The thing is, that does begin to subside after a while. Well, provided the dating goes on for a while. That's when you begin to truly get to KNOW the other person (rather than your fantasy of who or what they are). Thats when things get truly interesting ... or, sometimes, boring ... or, sometimes, something else and not so nice.

I think the "trick" is to not invest more into the 'relationship' (such as it is) than the other guy is. I say this on the forum a lot: It's all about BALANCE. If you start getting more attached to him, or "into" him than he is to you... that's a recipe for heartache. Take it easy. Chill. Learn to live it and love it and enjoy it without obsessing about it or him.

I don't think I could agree more.... I think the challenge is being able to "measure" where they stand, that to me and others may very well agree, is the hard part. Do I think he likes me, yeah...hmm but how much and what he thinks and how he feels about me exactly is challenging.

One of the concerns that came up is well in the other thread I just started... and I know I need to lose weight, he would like to see me in better shape and I have to agree that being physically attractive is important. So I don't know if he see me physically attractive or not... Like there are guys with cute faces...and the rest isn't so great... That does have me a bit concerned.... So comes the question am wanting to do all this for him or myself...or am I convincing myself that it's for myself.

People are pretty complicated... Wish it were easier but I guess goes the saying..."Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first..."

[MikeW]

I don't think I could agree more.... I think the challenge is being able to "measure" where they stand, that to me and others may very well agree, is the hard part. Do I think he likes me, yeah...hmm but how much and what he thinks and how he feels about me exactly is challenging.

One of the concerns that came up is well in the other thread I just started... and I know I need to lose weight, he would like to see me in better shape and I have to agree that being physically attractive is important. So I don't know if he see me physically attractive or not... Like there are guys with cute faces...and the rest isn't so great... That does have me a bit concerned.... So comes the question am wanting to do all this for him or myself...or am I convincing myself that it's for myself.

People are pretty complicated... Wish it were easier but I guess goes the saying..."Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first..."

Yeah... I get all you're saying. This is why I emphasize taking it easy... because the fact is, whether you're both "in to" one another or not, you're still getting to know one another.

As for getting in better shape... for sure it is best if you're doing it for yourself.... but, then again, does it really matter? If you do it for him, you're still doing yourself a huge favor. So even if the dating doesn't go anywhere, you've gotten something out of it! Maybe even established new and better habits.

[AlfredM]

Well, the word is infatuation. I ingrain that in my mind every time I feel it that way so that I can get a grip of myself and be chill about it.

As for getting in better shape... for sure it is best if you're doing it for yourself.... but, then again, does it really matter? If you do it for him, you're still doing yourself a huge favor. So even if the dating doesn't go anywhere, you've gotten something out of it! Maybe even established new and better habits.

I think it does matter, it feels like you're looking for others approval when you're changing yourself not for yourself. That's the whole thing with body image issue, people try to achieve some sort of perfect image that others would give a damn about. But the moment that attention fades, you get insecure again. Approval has to come from within. Changing your body for others is not gonna be as satisfying and as motivating as doing it for yourself.

[MikeW]

...I think it does matter, it feels like you're looking for others approval when you're changing yourself not for yourself. That's the whole thing with body image issue, people try to achieve some sort of perfect image that others would give a damn about. But the moment that attention fades, you get insecure again. Approval has to come from within. Changing your body for others is not gonna be as satisfying and as motivating as doing it for yourself.

You do have a point, of course. Approval does have to come from within. But I have to ask... do you work out? If so, can you say that you do it 100% for yourself?

I can't. I have to admit that there is a certain amount of 'vanity' in it. Yes, I do it for myself but I also like the fact that I look better to other people. Hell, I look better to myself, too! mile:

[AlfredM]

You do have a point, of course. Approval does have to come from within. But I have to ask... do you work out? If so, can you say that you do it 100% for yourself?

I can't. I have to admit that there is a certain amount of 'vanity' in it. Yes, I do it for myself but I also like the fact that I look better to other people. Hell, I look better to myself, too! [emoji2]

Yeah I agree. Most of us like to get compliments, and it helps self esteem a lot too. I suppose a little vanity wouldn't hurt, but it shouldn't be the main reason why you want to get in better shape. You don't want to rely your self esteem on other's opinion, cause there will always be people who don't like you. Even in the chubby and chaser culture, I still find some guys who would think that I'm not chubby enough (yeah right, at 5'7" and 230lbs [emoji23] ).

[InbetweenDreams]

I'm about 2 inches taller than you and at least 10 lbs more....

There aren't any "chasers" around here... And frankly I feel as far as looks that I'm too mediocre, too typical. I would go as far to say there are other "things" guys don't like about me but it would be illogical because I hard time believing that just texting back and forth or going on a single date is enough to really get to know me... I mean pretty sure I don't chew with my mouth open or do anything crazy...or pick my nose or some crap.

I wish it were easier to "just chill" or better yet keep weight off... I mean I looked pretty decent a few years ago (2012)....not now though.

I was probably about 180 in that picture or there about... Now I look like Barney from The Simpsons...