The secret of being an eternal optimist

[InbetweenDreams]

For me, well I can't really relate entirely with the person who wrote the article, I don't know what he really means by icing on the cake. However, thinking on this over the weekend since I had limited access to a computer... I think the point of being optimistic isn't so much hoping you're going to win the lottery or more to the point being irrational... (IMO being irrational works both ways and can be equally bad). For instance it gets me no where being overly self confident thinking I can have any guy I want and do whatever I want and ACTUALLY think everyone will be happy to do whatever I want because I'm so awesome.... Same way if I have no self confidence I don't even bother sending the guy a text message because I fear he will find me repulsive or whatever.

The truth is we're a little bit (or more) one way or the other... We either are generally slightly irrational in our thinking to some degree, positively or negatively. I will say that the consensus is that people who are generally more positive get what they want sooner... Well, I'm not that way, I'm not quite so negatively thinking. I was actually quite intrigued by the number of likes I got on this photo which is attached. I mean it feels almost foreign to me to be called cute or handsome or whatever... I know I must be somewhat decent looking otherwise people wouldn't say so... I don't particularly like that I don't feel better with compliments like that... Can't say what the deal is.

Anyway, I think the key to feeling more confident and more optimistic is to LISTEN to what people are saying. If they say you're doing a good job, or you're handsome or whatever and you get the same or similar from other people they're probably right. You need to be able to understand that and accept it and just know when your internal criticism is wrong...

My thoughts on that... again doesn't mean I feel this way or practice all this but at least the logic seems to work....

[johnny196775]

thinking positively cant win the lottery but it can make a person happier.

[InbetweenDreams]

I find happiness and thinking positively to be somewhat separate... Not saying pessimists are happy, but there are some very dry, rational people who are happy... Ever meet an attorney. I'm actually friends with an attorney, doesn't seem to be overly optimistic, or pessimistic he's about as in the middle as I think a human can get, very dry (no doesn't know I'm gay -- he's big time conservative). A lot of people don't like him because he's very blunt with his opinions and rubs people the wrong way, but he's very intelligent, knows his stuff and as I've got to know him I've seen the more "human" side of this attorney. He's a good guy at heart, means well and has done a lot to help me with my ham radio hobby.

I suppose someone could be both pessimistic and happy...can't say I've met someone like that... kind of an odd mix up. I say they're somewhat seperate due to the above and sometimes people who are really optimistic come crashing down when all their hoping for good things never seem to work.

Me I'm often too critical of myself, just basing that from what people tell me... People who do know me tend to like me pretty well. There are a few that don't and there's probably a couple that "hate" me but I don't let those people in particular bother me. It bothers me when I disappoint someone that I care about or look up to. Hmm...strikes an interesting point about myself which relates to another thread...

[Pix]

I'm very cynical, and yet also an optimist. It's weird. I guess it's because I set the bar so low on what I expect that I'm pleasantly surprised more often than not.

Also, my teen years were filled with danger, violence, and such fun stuff (including being a runaway on the streets) that left me with physical and psychological scars...both which have faded (though not gone entirely). Now, I BASK in what I have as I contrast to what I used to not have, and having come to terms with the fact I'm gonna die AND remembering all I've survived so far, I tend to shrug off the real dangers I know are still around me as well as the more staid challenges of daily life I face.

That said, if I worked jobs I hated the way so many other people do then I'd probably be miserable, too, and spending all the extra money I have on job-related costs, including psyche meds, and a lot more caffeine to push that rock back up the hill another day...

Furthermore, I'd probably feel a lot less love for my family (extended one I was born into) if I was forced to interact with them everyday rather than having a thousand miles between me and them. :tongue:

[East]

Silver Linings are maybe the key to my survival.....

When I have a bad situation...I stand back and decide if I want to pick THAT battle as I do pick my battles carefully...or just get past it...and then I proceed to find the silver lining...

For instance...when my abusive ex decided that he was losing control of me..he decided to come to where I work and fuck my arch enemy on top of the bar to a cheering crowd...

MAJOR SILVER LINING #1

I didn't really know at the time what the dynamics of power and control were...but thanks to that asshole...I have a masterful understanding of the dynamics and was able to avoid it in the future

The thing he knew about me...I separated my personal life from my business because I don't like an ongoing soap opera. I never bitched about him..partly because I was too embarrassed to let anyone know what he was doing...and my worst fear at the time was to be completely vulnerable...I couldn't even think about it...and here I was...living my worst fear....


MAJOR SILVER LINING #2

What a fucking marvelous kick ass gift to give me LOL...an opportunity to face my worst fear and slay the dragon...which I did. It was an awesome moment when I realized I had gotten strength from it versus falling apart and dying like I imagined...

...and so everyone was looking at me and wanting my reaction...UGH....GRRRRRR...THAT was annoying. See...I refused to go to the soap opera place and start wringing my hands and whining...UGH....I would rather die than end up like that....so...I used my spiritual beleifs and philosophy and experience and had the single best moment of my life so far when it all clicked....

I told everyone I didn't want to talk about it initially and also told them not to come to me with any of his pleas because in his power and control mode he used everyone as tools and manipulated them....

MAJOR SILVER LINING #3

OMG..Bingo...I suddenly had that EUREKA MOMENT I had dreamt of...a chance to own my shit and stop being anyone's victim....ESPECIALLY a victim of myself because most of the worst prisons are the ones we build for ourselves inside of us......

So....I told everyone once in a very direct and calm manner that I deserved what he did to me because all along I KNEW he was an asshole and that is EXACTLY what attracted me to him. I basically "married" a combination of my mom and dad with a sprinkle of Satan thrown in so DUH...not really a surprise what he did. I also explained the power and control aspect of it and that due to my low self esteem and the way I grew up..I was destined to pick this kind of man...but thanks to him...I broke the spell....which is why I say self pity really is dangerous....and it was an inner freedom that completely changed my outlook on life and love..forever...and cleared the way for me to have a healthy and happy 30 year relationship

...and THAT is an example of my optimism and I have greatly benefited from it in my life..and continue to do so. There is nothing "fairy tale"...or "false"... about it...

Oh yeah..the best part was I got to thank him for it. THAT pissed him off LOLOL...and I was actually being sincere at the time because I was doing the AA 12 steps but after I thought about it..it was hilarious because that may be the worst thing to have told a power and control guy....