Shame is stopping me from dating.

[hank]

Are you saying you are NOT affectionate (physically) with any men in your life?

No long hugs and from siblings?
No kisses on the forehead from grandfather?

Just curious. .

Not at all. I'm king of the bro hug. It's never been appropriate in my family to kiss men.

[hank]

Do you feel shame when you jack off to gay porn?

I used to. But not any more.

[Anocxu]

Not at all. I'm king of the bro hug. It's never been appropriate in my family to kiss men.

I understand. .

Next time you're on a date.. look at your guy.. imagine his lips are made of amazing candy.. and just go for it..!!

[InbetweenDreams]

I felt a bit awkward when I first started dating a guy... It was difficult at first to get comfortable with what was actually happening... I was not brought up in a religious household, we never went to church...

One question is are you religious? What thoughts are running through your head when you're about to end up kissing a guy? Not sure if it is going to be something as simple as pretending, but rather exposure therapy...try to be more affectionate more often...kissing, doing things...

[Insertnamehere]

I used to. But not any more.

Ok, so, what inside your head changed there to make you be ok with that?

Maybe you can try and think about that and apply it in this current situation!

[hank]

Imagine his dick is made of candy

Believe it or not that isn't as hard to deal with.

[hank]

Ok, so, what inside your head changed there to make you be ok with that?

Maybe you can try and think about that and apply it in this current situation!

With pornography, I accepted my sexuality. It's in private and nobody sees me.

Perhaps it's because when people learn that I'm gay it really weirds them out. "You're way too manly to be gay. As if being attracted to men was counter to masculinity. I don't care about being seen as a less than masculine guy. But I'm clearly not.

[hank]

I felt a bit awkward when I first started dating a guy... It was difficult at first to get comfortable with what was actually happening... I was not brought up in a religious household, we never went to church...

One question is are you religious? What thoughts are running through your head when you're about to end up kissing a guy? Not sure if it is going to be something as simple as pretending, but rather exposure therapy...try to be more affectionate more often...kissing, doing things...

No I'm not particularly religious. But what is really going through my head is that it's wrong. It's wrong...IT'S WRONG.

[MikeW]

....But what is really going through my head is that it's wrong. It's wrong...IT'S WRONG.

You need to really explore this. Go into it deeply. Emotionally. In what way is it "wrong"? What is "wrong" about it? I'm not asking you to answer here. I'm asking you to go into it. Feel it through. THEN think about it.

Leave aside everything else you've heard or been taught... either pro or con regarding homosexuality. How do YOU feel about it. Really? Where does this guilt come from? Again, forget society. Go deeply into yourself. Reflect. Meditate on it. Let yourself feel it to its core. What is this? Where does it come from in yourself? What message does it have for you?

My experience with going into things like this is there are layers. Somewhat like an onion. You peel back one layer to find yet another, deeper layer of meaning. It's important to understand that just because I come up with "an answer," that doesn't mean it is *the* answer. Each time I peel back a layer, I learn something more about myself. About what I truly feel. Who I am as a human being.

I'm of the opinion that in general feeling "guilt" is a way of avoiding taking responsibility. I wonder if you can understand what this means? If I feel guilty, then the focus of my attention is on the "guilt" ... not on my responsibility. What is my responsibility as a gay man? To myself? To others?

Those are questions few people ever ask themselves.

If I am being a responsible human being, what is their to feel "guilty" about?

[LJay]

To reinforce what Mike is saying, you are obviously battling with something and you need to decide what it is and not just in the obvious way. You are going to need to spend some time on this.

I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think after you think.