Cannot Accept Himself

[metalmikey]

I am unsure where to start this post, but I need an outlet and some advice. I will try my best not to write at length.

I posted here about a year ago, about the same guy in question. Back then he identified as straight, though we began a sexual relationship as well as the feeling of a romantic one. It took him a while for him to say he was bisexual. He has never been out to friends nor family.

There has been tonnes of ups and downs. To the point I felt hes lead a double life. At times avoiding me if he was going to be out with friends, he would lie, and not want me to be around people due to peoples suspicions.

There was one time last summer where he did hit me. I walked into a local pub not knowing he was there with friends. He stormed off out and when I went to confront him he punched me in the chest and told me to stay away. He has A LOT of pent up anger.

We didn't talk a week or so but things resumed. At this point we were aware our feelings were very much mutual, though he was/is struggling with his sexuality.

There have been plenty of real good times though also, days out, plenty of affection. We have a real connection which is quite intense.

To bring it up to date, where things stand now, whatever it was, seems to be over. We havent slept together since December and we talked a lot the other day. I said about feeling he has distanced. He said he does not want this in his life anymore. He said everything he had done with me was a mistake, his mistake and he shouldn't have let it continue. He said we can remain friends and that is it. Though he'd not deny he still really likes me. He said his future has a wife and kids in it so he cannot do this. He said we will never do anything sexual again. This is like a year of being 'together'

I do not know where to go from here. I do love this guy and the fact I know he feels the same but cannot accept himself. There is nothing I can do. I am unsure I can just be friends with him... I just don't know what to do. Any opinions, I'd be much grateful.

[Cuddly]

Maybe he is bisexual but chooses a straight lifestyle because it's the easiest route to a happy family (I mean for him, his future wife and kids).

The only thing you can do is accept that and move on.

[shyl4l]

He will not be able to accept himself untill he is ready if you try and force the issue the not only will It make him dig deeper into his denial but he has also already shown his violent tenancies. CIVILISED PEOPLE DO NOT COMIT VIOLENCE OR ABUSE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. Let alone people who suposidly have feelings. You can do so much better. As sad as it is his life is ruled by his capability for hate. Sounds like yours is ruled by you ability to love but please remember if you are truly giving you love freely then you deserve to be loved in return. If they are takeing it and not returning it or returning it with abuse then they are steeling it. I know it sounds easier than it is and there is going to be pain involved. But you need to get away from this screwed up, violent, abusive love theif. You not safe there . Take your love to someone whos first thought is to use his arms to wrap around you and protect you not to smack you one because he dosent want to be seen whith you. He is a PRICK

[Camfer]

Find yourself an out, well-adjusted, happy gay man who likes and respects you, and build something with him.

Do not bother trying to date anyone in the closet. You have already learned what that looks like.

When you move on from this guy, your problems with him are over. Really.

[Insertnamehere]

As much as you like this guy, you can't get him to do something that he needs to do himself. He is the only one who can accept himself when he's ready for it.

In the meantime you can't be his "experiment" and then when he chooses to go back to denial let him treat you like shit...and violence? Come on, he has a lot of red flags there dude.

You need someone who cares back, who treats you good.

[AlohaShannon]

I've struggled with my sexuality since starting to undergo accepting myself 2 years ago. Since then, I let an amazing guy go. I think about him every day and wish I could go back and give a relationship with him a chance. I say this because you deserve to give your heart to someone that is ready and capable to share that love. Guys like me need time to figure ourselves out and until we are able to do so, I think we tend to neglect to see how great guys like you actually are.

Just my point of view...

[ceez]

Pretty much what everyone else said, it's time to leave him for someone that will return the favor and I don't think it would be a good idea to stay as friends with this guy.

[VirgoMasquerade]

You can be born straight, gay or bisexual but you choice to be open and happy about yourself....

[shyl4l]

You can be born straight, gay or bisexual but you choice to be open and happy about yourself....

I tryed to deny my self for too long and all i did was cause myself pain and hurt and love a lifef without love or hope. Atleat i now have hope!

I dont know what other people think about the rainbow as the international symbol of being gay but for me if is of huge significance and have adopted it wholhartedly

When i denied myself i whished to be straight ("normal") i was in pain.
Now i have accepted my self for being gay and know that i am normal. That i was only not normal because i denied my self love. I now wish for a boyfriend a partner a soul mate. I have hope and prospects. And for me atleast my wishes can be found at the end of a rainbow!

[LJay]

You can be friends in the sense of not being enemies. You can be polite to each other in public, but it is best not to see each other in private now. Give him the space to deal with this. In the long run, you must put the relationship behind and move on to being with someone who is happy and secure with their own sexuality. On your own terms and in the past, you have probably dealt with the issues that trouble him. Now you must allow him to do so. It is rough, but in the end you may find that you will gain his respect for not pressuring him at a difficult time.