losing my friend

[meridannight]

You're a dog person, and he's a cat.

i am a dog person. but he's like a dog who's been trained/used to act like a cat.

his father pulled a number on him. not as bad as for him to be fully messed up, but he has admitted to him being a negative influence and being incapable of letting go of that brainwashing (until lately, in some parts).

[meridannight]

If that's what he said..
It sounds like ego talk from a confused male ..

Anyone that has excellent friendships would not make such a comment.

he didn't say it. i inferred it on my own. he said the ''needing something to show for my time'' part, and i inferred the ''consequently, friendships are not as important'' part all on my own. although, i inferred it in his presence, and he admitted to it.

see above about his father. his dad made him feel like anybody who didn't accomplish something material with his life (by my friend's age) was worthless. he has told me that it is only lately that he has been able to psychologically move away from that influence.

Oh boy.. once in a while a beautiful odd ball takes us by storm. .and this is happening to you right now..

As I said earlier ..I understand your passion and how proactive you are .. Your passion is also the reason you feel compelled to make a decision immediately. .
Which is the reason I'll tell you..

Let it go for now..
Put a little distance between you and he..

Let things "play out" for better or worse with as little effort as possible on your part..

An issue here is you are handing him a pristine friendship. . I'm not sure if he knows how to handle diligence. . And that's not something you should take personally .. and I do understand how frustrating this is.

you are right about everything there. especially the bolded parts. thanks. i do think that is a sound advice.

it's just not as easy to just put distance between him and myself, as it seems in writing. i've tried it before. we meet on a weekly basis whether we want it or not. so i can't ignore him. to do that would be cruel.

but i agree with you. i think i need some time off. although i also think i should be honest with him. and tell him what's bothering me at least, if nothing else.

i will be going to Corsica in a couple of months anyway. i can put some distance between us, without completely destroying it. maybe that's a place to start...

[Borg69]

I find it curious that your avatar says you're in an open gay relationship, which takes mounds of trust, communication, trust, honesty, faith, ... yet this casual friendly straight acquaintance you see once a week seems so perplexing.

It's like a Jedi master not being able to ride a bike.

[meridannight]

I find it curious that your avatar says you're in an open gay relationship, which takes mounds of trust, communication, trust, honesty, faith, ... yet this casual friendly straight acquaintance you see once a week seems so perplexing.

my friends are not casual acquaintances to me.

the two words ('casual' and 'acquaintance') are incompatible with friendship. 'friendship' denotes a deep and meaningful connection. it's someone i want to share my life with, and whose life i want to be part of. friend and an acquaintance are not the same people, nor would i ever confuse the two. it's insulting to imply i think of him as just some halfway 'acquaintance' randomly stumbled across. because that is what an acquaintance is. it's a person you don't make any effort for and don't care about what happens with them and when. acquaintance is someone you happen to know due to circumstances and with whom you continue to interact with out of circumstances. there is zero friendship with the person who is an 'acquaintance'. it's completely antithetical to me to confuse the two.

[meridannight]

well... i had an exchange with him on the subject. and all he had to say was, he doesn't have time for friends. and those were his exact words.

so i guess that's that.

[Cridders88]

well... i had an exchange with him on the subject. and all he had to say was, he doesn't have time for friends. and those were his exact words.

so i guess that's that.

I'm so sorry to hear that Meridan . Who doesn't have time for friends? That baffles me. It's painful, but at least you have the truth from him now.

[Insertnamehere]

Well, you strike me as an intense man here, Meridan and I reckon you're the same in friendships and in your general life. So, when imbalance happens, i.e. you put into a friendship or a relationship more than you're getting back, especially since it seems you give and invest intensely in them, it's best not to have them with said people at all.

It's better things are out in the open now and things are made clear, even if it seems like what he said is just a lame excuse.

[Borg69]

well... i had an exchange with him on the subject. and all he had to say was, he doesn't have time for friends. and those were his exact words.

so i guess that's that.

I don't know what kind of guy you are... or what kind of guy he is.

SOME friendships are very easy and effortless. Unconditional.

SOME are very demanding and taxing, ... and kind of draining.

To me, it sounds like you're both mutually just not what the other is looking for in a friend right now. Best to cut your ties and find something that's mutually beneficial to both parties.

[meridannight]

it feels kind of stupid to do this -- to post an update on this thing, but i thought i'd just say that the thing resolved itself in the meantime. he apologized to me a few days after the fact. and i forgave him.

he really is an amazing guy. he's very different from who i am, and consequently we have our disagreements; but in the end it all comes down to the fact that i am committed to this friendship with him. and as long as i know it's what he wants too, this is the most important thing that matters to me. he has to screw up in a really big way for me to write it off completely.

i just didn't want this to stay hanging in here like that. although he doesn't come to this site, this whole thread was unfair to him, since he has no way to offer his perspective. it would be impossible for me to describe precisely what went down and what he did anyway, no matter how well i put it, words just don't do it justice. it's a one-dimensional shadow of what really happened.

but thank you guys for offering your perspective, and hearing me out.
[MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION], while i still think you said/understood it the best, i'm not the type of guy to just sit on something that is bothering me (huge things, not small stuff). luckily, he's not turned off by that. and, he and i seem to come together in a way that one wouldn't expect from looking at our different characters. and that takes on a life of its own....

so, that's that.

[Anocxu]

.

[MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION], while i still think you said/understood it the best, i'm not the type of guy to just sit on something that is bothering me (huge things, not small stuff). luckily, he's not turned off by that. and, he and i seem to come together in a way that one wouldn't expect from looking at our different characters. and that takes on a life of its own....

so, that's that.

I'm glad things fell in order...
Keep us posted..