My 11 year old son, 12 this week, came out a month or 6 weeks ago

[LJay]

Being older than many of the guys here, I can tell you that you have a very, very fortunate son. The kind of support you are offering simply was not available when I was his age, just over fifty years ago. Him knowing that you are there for him, not condemning him and willing to work things out as they come up is an enormous gift to your son. Like any adolescent, he needs security and understanding as he deal with the maturing of his body and his emotions. I imagine you are doing so, but try to assure him that you know things can get pretty wild and that he can ALWAYS ask for help sorting it all out. Sitting down and talking about health and risks in an open way can help him to deal with those things come up. He may not need condoms and lube now, to be very frank, but knowing all about them will be great ammunition when he does. He may or may not be sexually active at his age, but knowing what is going on is a thousand times better than the locker room gossip that I had for information. Knowledge is power. He also needs to be well armed with the knowledge that dealing with emotions is just as much of a challenge as dealing with his body. That seems obvious to you and me, but at his age we all grapple with the change from understanding things in a simple, concrete way to dealing with abstracts. There is a lot of advice above and you certainly seem able to sort the wheat from the chaff, but one thing that comes to mind that would have been great for me as a kid is to have been encouraged to have friends, lots of them. Having friends over, getting rides when needed, being able to enjoy many different people are incredibly valuable ways for him to learn how people interact.

Finally, there is the question of coming out to others. He needs to know that if others are to respect his feelings then he must respect theirs. We are all different. Nobody wants to encourage bullying by putting a label on themselves but no one should have to deny their own basic personality. Old fashioned etiquette used to teach ways to interact while maintain boundaries. These days that is harder and he will need all the help you can give in that area.

Again, I cannot commend you enough for supporting your son. May your tribe increase.

[Insertnamehere]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION], this is for you too.

You don't get to decide what you are at that age, sorry, come back when he has some hair on his chin, what 12 year old boy isn't gay!

Sure. We all know being gay is a choice, no?

Lay off the product for a bit and listen.

In case you didn't read through the replies, several of us were already aware of it at the same age. I sure as hell was liking boys back then and I never stopped since. As for your later comment, well, the rest of my classmates weren't. They were all about whether they liked this or that girl and that also began around at that age for them (Sadly for them the girls were all about older boys *insert a shiver* but they wasted no time in harrassing them anyway lol).


Both scenarios are plausible. Some dudes realize it from the get go, some take more time, some get so deep in denial that you end up with the myriad of "I got married and had kids and realized I was gay at 40 something" guys.

The mom here was noticing already that the boy might be, so why should we not take his word for it?

Hay de todo en la viña del Señor or so they say.

[kindy64]

I knew I liked girls at 11, I realized I was attracted to boys around the same time, but probably several months afterwards. Make sure he knows it's okay to question and that labels, or living to fit a label, should be avoided.

You've gotten great advice on this thread. Most important is to keep the communication open.

[IanSaysHi]

I can understand concern that this kid is eleven, but at the same time I can't help but think wow, because like I said in my post, I knew at that age and had no-one to talk to. That this kid feels he can tell his parents is something amazing and shows progress in attitudes and acceptance, when all too often we still hear silly isolated cases of homophobia more than the positive progress. And his Mum is here asking us for advice, rather than breaking down and feeling ashamed. For me the main message is he has supportive parents. Good on you guys.

[Insertnamehere]

It was never an option for me to come out as gay at 12 years old.. I'm pleased I didn't anyway, I think I would of been much more self conscious and more a target for bullies...

To attach yourself to a label that will forge such strong opinions in people: and a label that will for all accounts and purposes have no meaning in your life... other than the person you love should it become apparent and then quickly forgotten..

I think I get your thought now. You're iffy about the label out in the open part.

Yes, do remember I'm still closeted, you can look at Ian's post and see what are the consequences of the wrong person knowing about it. Or look at what LJay said and take a look at just how bad things were way back. We are aware of that the word implies.

In my case the early realization of the fact I like dudes is directly proportional to the aversion I had and still have to come out and that is clearly related to an overall hostile environment..

Certainly no one is advocating he should start telling everybody. That should come in due time when he is mature enough to handle the consequences.

The main difference here and with many other of our experiences, is that this kid has something you and I lacked, which is a pair incredibly supportive parents from the get go. That alone will help the kid to not grow up as fucked up as you or me.

The times are also swiftly changing and it will be less of a problem now than it was for you or me in the same fashion that it was relatively easier for us than for older generations.

The kid, all things considering, is already in a better path than many of us.

[Darius]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION], this is for you too.



Sure. We all know being gay is a choice, no?

Lay off the product for a bit and listen.

Product? What the hell does that mean?

[Insertnamehere]

Product? What the hell does that mean?

That part wasn't adressed to you, my bad.

[Camfer]

I really do think that the online world poses greater risks for a gay early teen male that it does for a straight early teen male. If I were a parent, I surely would want to know if my gay kid installed grindr or scruff or even tinder on his phone. The age controls on these kinds of sites is really up to the parents, because a kid can just say he's 18 and boom he's allowed on. There's no genuine age verification.

The thing about an app like grindr is that you can install it, use it, and uninstall it, and it won't be obvious looking at his phone. That's why parental controls of a 12 year old's phone might be more appropriate than a 16 year old's phone. Setting it up so apps get installed on both the kid's and the parent's phone for 12-14 year old, I'd have no hesitation doing that as a parent of a kid of any orientation.

Mick is coming form the opposite end of this spectrum, and I think that's great. Now the mom has all the possibilities mapped out, and she can use her wisdom to make the appropriate judgement.