Online Dating

[Meerkat54]

Hi guys...

I hope I'm not being too annoying or anything haha but I'm a huge freshman to the whole world of dating (as mentioned previously) and I haven't paid a huge amount of attention to it til now.

So when talking to a guy online, how exactly would I go about doing it? The last guy I talked to and actually ended up meeting we sort of got to know each other a little bit too well before we met, so when we met in person everything sort of escalated rather quickly because we got most of the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand through chatting and Skyping.

Needless to say I don't want that to happen again, so I kinda need some advice on the general 'online discussion' side of things so there's still a bit of social bonding to do when and if we meet. How would I talk to a guy without us getting to know each other too much, but we still know each enough so that we trust each other enough to meet? If you know what I mean... haha

Thanks guys.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well couple things about that...keep it natural. I don't think there is a right or wrong way...I tend to be more talkative as long as the conversation keeps going.... Nothing worse than two introverts sitting in a room alone. I think the other factor about thing escalating, don't put yourself in an enviroment where things would escalate...no movie at his place after the date... Personally, I think it is a self-control issue more so than getting to know someone too well. Just establish boundries and if you really don't want to have sex or be sexual then don't... Just know yourself, if you're pretty sure things are going to happen if you have him over or vice versa then don't do it or learn to have more self control or simply be up front about it.

As far as talking to guys, keep talking. No matter how much chatting you do with someone you don't really know them until you meet them or end up living with them.

Hope that helps and answers your questions.

[LJay]

Not really to answer, Katreem, but please don't think you are being annoying. You seem like a nice guy and you are very polite. Nobody that I know of minds your questions at all.

I was always told that one of the best was to make small talk with someone is to put the focus on them. Listen more than you talk then respond with questions and reactions about them.

[matty7]

I think skyping etc skips the essence of meeting someone in real life - it seems to bypass the getting to know each other in an open environment where nudity is not an option while you swap small talk - Skype jumps straight to subject of sex and wanting to see each other naked - remember ...You are in control = if you chat to someone in the future you would have to set clear and early guideline that you dont intend to be nude within the first call and would rather build a friendship with the purpose of a future meeting , and ignore any twisting of your arm to do things you dont want to do

[Meerkat54]

Thanks guys I appreciate it. I can figure everything else out once I sort out the foundations haha but it's just those small few steps in the beginning.

Not really to answer, Katreem, but please don't think you are being annoying. You seem like a nice guy and you are very polite. Nobody that I know of minds your questions at all.

Well that's good haha. I just don't want to look like I'm asking more than anything else (I'll do more of everything, I promise! ) but if it's cool then there's no dramas.


I think with the whole Skype thing, at the time, I was kinda desperate. We didn't do anything sexual over the camera or anything sexually intimate in person but, I guess a lot of things that had added up prior to us meeting made a lot of other things a lot easier to do. Looking back on that now, I regret that I let myself be dragged into such a situation, and I don't intend to repeat that at all.

Considering it was my first 'BF' alongside my first 'experiences' with a guy, however, I think it needed to happen. At the time I was still sort of discovering myself, and I think I just needed some time with someone to understand myself in that particular field.
So you could say I got in with him just to see what it felt like and then dumped him haha, but in the end it wasn't entirely just for that reason. I did enjoy it at the time but yeah, it wasn't a good idea in the long-run haha. Oh well.

[kindy64]

I've had deep, whole night long soul baring conversations with people (male and female) that didn't lead to any sort of romantic/physical connection. I had good friendships develop in the past from that.

I've had hookups that were basically, oh, you want to do that with me, and here are your requirements... sure no problem.

Then there's my boyfriend, who I had chatted with a few times on a social app, but never hooked up with him through that. One day he walked into my apartment with someone else. There was an instant connection there. 10 months later we are still together.

There are no set rules. Learning the ropes is different for everyone. Good guidelines given above. Set realistic boundaries and expectations for the people you meet. That could mean, for instance, that you won't reveal anything that could be used against you until you meet someone in person and develop an in person relationship. Or not baring your ass or soul online. You have to do what's right for you. Protect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

Above all, treat people the way you want to be treated. Don't lie. If you are uncomfortable with something, whether it's talking or physical, say so.

[tiff2600]

i always used to love online dating but recently (2016) i feel the calibre of men online has seriously deteriarated. It's a shame because it used to be fun but guys on there have developed a superiority complex and always feel like they are better than you. I don't like it and if i had the chance to never do it then i probably would take that chance. Nothing good has really come about from it apart from meaningless sex. It's entirely up to you of course but there is good and bad points about dating online and you have to consider them both.

[Blackout]

i always used to love online dating but recently (2016) i feel the calibre of men online has seriously deteriarated. It's a shame because it used to be fun but guys on there have developed a superiority complex and always feel like they are better than you. I don't like it and if i had the chance to never do it then i probably would take that chance. Nothing good has really come about from it apart from meaningless sex. It's entirely up to you of course but there is good and bad points about dating online and you have to consider them both.

Part of that includes guys who demand you entertain them from the first word, hello isn't good enough. Yet there is a high chance that they won't give you the time of day.

[IanSaysHi]

I just use the 'block 'n' go' technique to filter out the rubbish ones on online dating. If anyone says the following:
"how r u" / "how r u lol"
"wot u up2"
"wot u lukin 4" (bear in mind, I'm on a dating site WITH a profile)
....then I block
If someone however says:
"What's your opinion on cold pizza?" as a greeting, I know we'll get along just fine.
A sense of humour is a MASSIVE plus point for me, and the more random the better. Some people think using 'lol' like a full stop means they're funny.

[MikeW]

Hi guys...
... I'm a huge freshman to the whole world of dating (as mentioned previously) and I haven't paid a huge amount of attention to it til now.

So when talking to a guy online, how exactly would I go about doing it? The last guy I talked to and actually ended up meeting we sort of got to know each other a little bit too well before we met, so when we met in person everything sort of escalated rather quickly because we got most of the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand through chatting and Skyping.

Needless to say I don't want that to happen again....

I'm really not understanding what you mean by this "when we met in person everything sort of escalated rather quickly because we got most of the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand." What's wrong with getting the awkward stuff out of the way beforehand? I'm not following.

If things "escalated rather quickly," again, I'm not sure what you mean. Are you saying you immediately hopped into bed together and that was a bad thing? I don't get it.

As someone who hasn't dated in the current century, err, millennium, and may very well never date again, and has no idea how to date using "apps" or any of that stuff.... I have to ask:

What does "dating" MEAN to you? What's the point of "dating" anyone? Why do it?

I'm not so much asking because I need to know. But YOU do need to know. So, my advice is you give this some thought. Don't assume that everyone you meet, online or IRL, has the same AGENDA you do when they use the word "dating". They very likely do not. But if you know what YOU mean by it, what YOU want to have happen (and not happen), that right there should be a pretty good guide as to what to do or not do, what to say and not.

I think what [MENTION=22879]kindy64[/MENTION] said is very interesting. IF what you're wanting is a capital R "Relationship"... keep in mind that those kinds of things have to EVOLVE out of your genuine feelings for someone... who feels the same about you. Part of it for sure is finding them attractive but there's WAY more to it than that. One has to be READY to have that kind of relationship.

My point being that at age 18 the chances of finding someone your own age, or near it, who is also ready for a "R" relationship is very slim. You may think you're ready... but really? Are you?

There's NOTHING wrong with being a young person who is "dating"... going out with other people... to have fun, get to know them, find out more about yourself, what you like and don't like... becoming more of a full-grown adult. Nothing at all wrong with it. But it doesn't HAVE to be "dating". A "R" relationship can evolve out of meeting someone totally by chance. Or it can evolve out of just hooking up with someone. Or it could be someone you meet through school or work or some sport you like to participate in. WHO KNOWS?

Keeping open to just meeting people, respecting them, getting to know them, letting them get to know you... to me that's all there is to it. THEN... if you meet someone you want to get to know better... THEN you can "date".

Prior to that even calling what you're doing "dating" (to my mind) kind of puts one under pressure. OH... I have to do this right!

Well, no, actually you don't.

But like I say, WTF do I know anyway?