my boyfriend discovered i have a profile in gayromeo

[East]

The problem is..guys (and girls) lie all the time when it comes to the subject of infidelity...'til their grave if they have to.

Sending your pic to guys on a dating site after you have committed to a guy is just not cool IMO...not unless you had this agreement ahead of time....

I also wonder how he found your ad..but I also wonder if you are being entirely honest with yourself?

[Insertnamehere]

thank guys, i showed him everything..., but he still wants me out of his life..., he said he felt betrayed anyway..., I'm really sorry..., i really love him..., you'd ask yourselves then why i was in gayromeo..., then again I've spent many years there and i guess i did it without thinking..., the situation sounds ridiculous and would be even funny if it wasn't for the outcome..., it didn't even crossed my mind to cheat on him...

Lesson learned for you, then.

Sorry it went down like that.

[kindy64]

Sorry that happened to you.

His feeling betrayed is on him, so try not to beat yourself up about this. You came clean, was honest about it, so I think you acted honorably.

[Baslero]

The problem is..guys (and girls) lie all the time when it comes to the subject of infidelity...'til their grave if they have to.

Sending your pic to guys on a dating site after you have committed to a guy is just not cool IMO...not unless you had this agreement ahead of time....

I also wonder how he found your ad..but I also wonder if you are being entirely honest with yourself?

know..., all the apearances are against me...

I dindnt have to lie..., I wasnt cheating on him and wasn't searching anything..., anything but talking about him..., thats why all conversations were so short..., not everybody on those chats are there to hear how happy you are with your boyfriend...,
To be honest with me...? well, one part of me have been always feeling very unsure..., and putting my pic there and finding messages proposing sex was reassuring...well, thats to be honest with me..., and again, being so dedicated to him, (he had back surgery one year ago and still not fully recovered) so i commuted to work from his place, wake up at 3 am, drive 1 hour and a half to work at 50 kph because of the snow and ice on the road..., work my 8-10 hours, then go to the supermarket, think and buy dinner, drive 1 hour 30 back to his place, clean the apartment and cook dinner while he takes his siesta, and then tri
to comfort him because he's on pain...all that dedication made me sometimes feel more like a mother than a top lover, so those moments on the chat helped to write and express myself..., and to feel like a man...im not complaining..., i did all that and would do it all again because i love him..., and i see his point here..., but i really thought he would have understand it...

[East]

know..., all the apearances are against me...

I dindnt have to lie..., I wasnt cheating on him and wasn't searching anything..., anything but talking about him..., thats why all conversations were so short..., not everybody on those chats are there to hear how happy you are with your boyfriend...,
To be honest with me...? well, one part of me have been always feeling very unsure..., and putting my pic there and finding messages proposing sex was reassuring...well, thats to be honest with me..., and again, being so dedicated to him, (he had back surgery one year ago and still not fully recovered) so i commuted to work from his place, wake up at 3 am, drive 1 hour and a half to work at 50 kph because of the snow and ice on the road..., work my 8-10 hours, then go to the supermarket, think and buy dinner, drive 1 hour 30 back to his place, clean the apartment and cook dinner while he takes his siesta, and then tri
to comfort him because he's on pain...all that dedication made me sometimes feel more like a mother than a top lover, so those moments on the chat helped to write and express myself..., and to feel like a man...im not complaining..., i did all that and would do it all again because i love him..., and i see his point here..., but i really thought he would have understand it...

For the record..I DO believe you love him....and I suspect he probably still loves you underneath the feeling of betrayal (whether it is real or not..doesn't matter)...

....so you can fight for him. You may have to fight hard...and it may be a longer fight than you might imagine...but it can be done if you think he is worth it...

So..lets get back to this dating app thing. What they give you..the reassurance...you need to give to yourself. It is a transition that needs to take place,,,and it is something that you CAN do.

I know what I am talking about. I worked in a gay nightclub for 20 years and when I left..I was warned by people who know a lot more than I did that it is a shock ...and they pointed out how many of the people I saw myself who come back to get their "fix". See...a lot of people "luv" you...and it gives you a feeling of being wanted or desirable....and everyone is happy to see you..and it becomes a drug of sorts...so I do understand your point and the reasons..and I believe you.....

I did what I am suggesting to you. I filled the void by giving that kind of attention to myself. It took awhile..and I sometimes craved the attention....but I got over it..and I was happy that I got over it because titis like a fog hanging over you....and thank God I never went back and soaked it all up like most people did. In fact..I have never stepped foot in a nightclub since the day I left..and I suspect I never will again....

The point? One you understand this better...let him see your humility and vulnerability when you explain to him what you have decided..or learned....bare your soul to him....be completely honest and never make any excuses for anything....

If you really want him to listen...and continue the relationship...you have to keep it real.

Oh yeah..before you take any of my advice..or not..one thing still...how did he find out about it? Did you tell him?...or did someone else?..or did he find it himself?

It kinda matters because it might change the dynamics a bit.

[Baslero]

So..lets get back to this dating app thing. What they give you..the reassurance...you need to give to yourself. It is a transition that needs to take place,,,and it is something that you CAN do.


I did what I am suggesting to you. I filled the void by giving that kind of attention to myself. It took awhile..and I sometimes craved the attention....but I got over it..and I was happy that I got over it because titis like a fog hanging over you....



A friend told me exactly the same thing..., spend time on myself and find this self-esteem inside me..., but its easy to say..., where do i start from? I'm really on panic...

[Baslero]

The point? One you understand this better...let him see your humility and vulnerability when you explain to him what you have decided..or learned....bare your soul to him....be completely honest and never make any excuses for anything....

If you really want him to listen...and continue the relationship...you have to keep it real.

Oh yeah..before you take any of my advice..or not..one thing still...how did he find out about it? Did you tell him?...or did someone else?..or did he find it himself?

It kinda matters because it might change the dynamics a bit.[/QUOTE]


I have bare my soul to him..., but I'm not even sure he reads my messages..., he's not in town and all those messages on the cell are not easy to write and even more difficult to read..., and when he's back I'm not sure if he'd want to talk to me...

i don't really know how did he find out..., but i didn't want to ask him because i don't want him to think I'm trying to avoid the problem trying to divert the attention ton another subject...

[East]

A friend told me exactly the same thing..., spend time on myself and find this self-esteem inside me..., but its easy to say..., where do i start from? I'm really on panic...

The first thing you must do is understand you may lose him. It is a very real possibility. the fear will hurt your chances of accomplishing anything so you must face it and accept that it could go either way....

Then..start by loving the worst part of yourself....the part of yourself you hate the most...the part of yourself that you think is ugly....or nasty....or better left in the dark. Even oru dark side has a prupose..so find out what it is? The clouds?..where is the silver lining?

It takes a lot of meditation and self reflection...but be as tough and fearless as you can be....

...because even if it doesn't work out...you will be ready when it happens again.

I have a feeling it will work out. He needs time to process everything....

[East]

i don't really know how did he find out..., but i didn't want to ask him because i don't want him to think I'm trying to avoid the problem trying to divert the attention ton another subject...

Ahhh...OK.....

It is kinda important for HIM if he is looking at the app himself and wants to punish you for doing the same thing.

Of course..you may have to be the bigger man and not ask...though do pay attention if he ever slips and tells you...

The reason I say this....I learned when I worked in the gay bar and saw thousands of men and talked to them every day about everything...the people who fear their mate is cheating...uh....they are sometimes projecting their OWN crap on their mate.

Think of homophobes as a good example of this dynamic. They often hate gay men because they hate themselves and their won thoughts about other men. Better to bash someone else rather than to take responsibility for their own feelings.

[Baslero]

Then..start by loving the worst part of yourself....the part of yourself you hate the most...the part of yourself that you think is ugly....or nasty....or better left in the dark. Even oru dark side has a prupose..so find out what it is? The clouds?..where is the silver lining?


its funny, but he said he loved me exactly for those things of myself that make me feel more insecure..., being bold, my hairy body, my age, my character..., thats why now i feel even more insecure..., i really feel pathetic, I'm sorry...:-(