my boyfriend discovered i have a profile in gayromeo

[East]

[quote]its funny, but he said he loved me exactly for those things of myself that make me feel more insecure..., being bold, my hairy body, my age, my character..., thats why now i feel even more insecure..., i really feel pathetic, I'm sorry...:-( {/quote]

Great! Now you know where to start....

Get to work. There is no right way to go about it.....

[Baslero]

well, it seems that he read my messages and finally understood..., so we are still together for the time being..., thank you guys for your support and your advices...

[kindy64]

well, it seems that he read my messages and finally understood..., so we are still together for the time being..., thank you guys for your support and your advices...

Great to hear. Now, I would also come clean about your own insecurities (part of the reason you were on there in the first place,) if you haven't already.

Do this in person though.

I'm having a tough time being vulnerable with my boyfriend of 10 months. Mostly because I've had umpteen years practice at being guarded and uncommunicative.

Oh, and I certainly understand all your insecurities. I'm 51 and new to dating guys, but I had the same hangups with women, and with being open with my wife.

[East]

well, it seems that he read my messages and finally understood..., so we are still together for the time being..., thank you guys for your support and your advices...

YAY!!! Very happy for you..but still...DO work on giving yourself the kind of approval you want from other people so this won't happen again!

[IndividuellaUni]

Ahhh...OK.....

It is kinda important for HIM if he is looking at the app himself and wants to punish you for doing the same thing.

Of course..you may have to be the bigger man and not ask...though do pay attention if he ever slips and tells you...

The reason I say this....I learned when I worked in the gay bar and saw thousands of men and talked to them every day about everything...the people who fear their mate is cheating...uh....they are sometimes projecting their OWN crap on their mate.

Think of homophobes as a good example of this dynamic. They often hate gay men because they hate themselves and their won thoughts about other men. Better to bash someone else rather than to take responsibility for their own feelings.

I would be one to ask him about finding out in the first place - but that's just me though. If I feel like I'm being attacked on something, I want to know where that person is coming from 100%, and I leave it up to them to tell me 100% if they want me to even talk about things. If you can't own up to your choice to investigate into why I do [x], then why even bring it up?

And granted, with this situation, I'm glad it came out to a positive outcome, but in the end, honesty and being up front about things you want to do will only help the relationship grow.

As for me and my BF, we still are on one site, but we agreed that our profiles are changed to not looking for anything aside from chat, and we are cool with that. We still have a good assortment of friends all around that we talk to on there.

[LJay]

So he finds out about this. You have been together for 6 months. His first reaction is that you are cheating and he does not want you in his life therefore bye-bye.

While you have done something unacceptable, I do not think your buddy's reaction tells me that he is long term material. I know that people do this fly-off-the-handle stuff, but I don't care to put up with it. Nor should you. If, in 6 months, the two of you have not learned how to sit down and work out problems you should consider that his reaction may just mean that it is never going to happen. Time to learn how to jerk off on your own again and get some counseling relating to you codependency problem. DTMFA

[Meurzh]

I'd probably feel the same way he does, to be honest.

If you can, let him go through everything you've done on there and let him chat with the guys you have been talking to himself. I'm not sure if that will work well because you can just delete things you don't like and get people to answer how you need them to, but at least try.