I have homicidal urges

[subdivisions]

I don't find mass shootings, etc. to be bad.

I constantly feel like I want to burn places to the ground or do mass shootings. I've been in therapy for years, been on over 10 different meds- I'm convinced it's just how I am.

I want to set gay bars and clubs on fire due to how horrible LGBT people have been to me. Also, I used to be involved with the furry fandom and they treated me like shit, so I want to do the same to them.

I want to also set hospitals on fire due to their shitty health care, even though it isn't their fault.

And the old people here annoy me, so maybe I'd do the same to a retirement home or something.

I just feel like I've been wronged so much in my life, and I let it slide way too many times... this is why school shootings happen. Nobody is willing to help or listen. People snap. If I was still in school, I'd probably cause a mass shooting there.

I can't keep letting people step all over me. They aren't learning anything. People like me keep getting taken advantage of and we need to stand up for ourselves.

I hope someone knows where I'm coming from.

[kindy64]

There is a vast divide between "standing up for ourselves" and mass slaughter.

I often have violent impulses, road rage being a large one. I have to find the calm spot in my head and tell myself that such course of action is not the proper response to whatever caused the impulse.

How about some detail, like how are you being taken advantage of?

[starlight]

Its good you have opened up about these things,

[VirgoMasquerade]

Why not use that rage inside for something more productive? Say painting or dancing, I mean we all have thoughts sometimes but dont act on them. Wouldnt be good for you or anyone else

[meridannight]

killing people/destroying infrastructure is not a form of stepping up for yourself. it's just a lame excuse aimed at some self-justification. there is none to be had though. no-one else is buying it.

actually wanting to do shit you claim to be wanting to do is a mental illness. going through with it, is a complete loss of control and an act of relinquishing your identity. doing it will prove that you were weak and incapable of the basic minimum integrity needed for life.

[himself]

I often have violent impulses, road rage being a large one. I have to find the calm spot in my head and tell myself that such course of action is not the proper response to whatever caused the impulse.

Oh yeah, lots of us do. In my case, it's not because anyone has wronged me - I just get really wound up. E.g. if I see someone wearing sunglasses at 4 in the afternoon in the middle of December, I want to beat the fucking shit out of them.

You're not a bad person. Rage is a perfectly natural thing. Irrational anger is perfectly normal. We don't often share our darker sides so it's easy to think that you are a bad person for having all these angry thoughts but I'm sure lots of people have them. The difference between someone who is violent and someone who isn't has more to do with self-control and recognition that these thoughts are irrational or excessive rather than the thoughts themselves.

[kindy64]

You're not a bad person. Rage is a perfectly natural thing. Irrational anger is perfectly normal. We don't often share our darker sides so it's easy to think that you are a bad person for having all these angry thoughts but I'm sure lots of people have them. The difference between someone who is violent and someone who isn't has more to do with self-control and recognition that these thoughts are irrational or excessive rather than the thoughts themselves.

Exactly!!! We don't share them, so how are people who feel isolated ever supposed to learn coping skills.

[Insertnamehere]

Do I understand what causes these feelings? Yes, I do. Many events and situations in life can lead to thsi kind of angry frustration.

I don't share your proposed handling of these issues, though.

Not all mass shootings have some "I was wronged" component to them. Some are simple religious/racial hatred, for instance.

The thing is, we all have to learn to cope with shit, failure, poor treatment and most people manage it, in spite of things.

Violence is not a strange thing within the human species, and you're more than allowed to have it. I would even venture that such thoughts are not that rare.

But we are able, at this point in history and social context, to exert control on what we do and decide whether we are going to let violence take over.

The people who lack any self-control mechanism are the people that end up commiting these acts. They also lack and kind of discerning on the guilty parties and end up taking down more innocents than anyone else.

Do you reckon attacking a hospital is equivalent to attack poor healthcare? The staff, nurses and patients working/being treated there have nothing to do with it. No one there wronged you or even knows you for that matter.

I see that you're not at that level yet. Which is good. Voicing these thoughts is good, because it means you are still in control of yourself.

So, what will you do?

Will you seek or continue to get the help you need to aqcuire and develop the coping mechanism that we all need to have to roam through life? Or will you get rid of that control and truly become an outcast, criminal and pariah in all their forms?

[JackTX]

What kinds of positive activities or people do you have in your life?

[Cuddly]

I was expecting something else when I clicked this.

Burning things is not a solution! What med are you on and have you talked to anybody about these urges?
Are you on meds right now?

Everybody has bad days and sometimes you get stepped on by somebody who really didn't mean to. They are people with oroblems, just like you. If you're in contact with a lot of people, a lot of stepping on will happen. Shrug it off. Or react and remind them that you're a person who isn't fit for being stepped on, with words, not fire or guns or knives or bombs.