Sexually inexperienced...

[Anonymous]

Hey, I need some advice. I came out in college almost three years ago but despite having really good friends and being active in the gay scene I have never actually been with a guy, beyond kissing and fondling.

When I first came out there were a couple of older men in the bars I went to who came on strong and I think saw it as some kind of game to be the first. I'll be honest the predatory nature of it freaked me out a little and I started to avoid places where I was going to be seen as fresh meat. But where I lived at the time the gay scene was pretty small and everyone knew everyone else. When I moved to London I was open about my sexuality and people have I guess just presumed that I have had sex. I work in theatre and everyone is very open and accepting but in a way I have found that made it more difficult for me to admit how inexperienced I really am.

In January I met an older guy, he's an actor and came to the opening night of a play to see a friend of his perform. A bunch of us went out after and this guy and I really hit it off. I felt so much more comfortable with him than I have with anyone until now. We have met up a few times since then and he brought me for dinner and went back to his place afterwards. That was the first time I ever sucked a guy off.

He could tell I was nervous but I still couldn't bring myself to say I'd never had sex. He said there was no need to all the way yet if I wanted to wait, but like I said I sucked him off and he asked if I would rim him, I guess he saw my hesitation and said he would do me first if I wanted. Before it went any further though he got a call that he had to answer and that was that. I went home.

He picked me up from the theatre last night and asked me to give him a blow job (in the car) because my flatmate was home and he said he had a mate staying at his house too.

I want to have sex. But I'm afraid if I tell him that I have no clue what I'm doing he'll go off me. But then he'll probably be able to tell from how useless I am anyway. I actually considered getting off my face and fucking some stranger just to get the first time over and done with. Is it off putting to have sex with a guy who's never done it before?

[d3m3nt0]

Don't get off your face and get it over with. Do what you are comfortable with, if he isn't comfortable with you being a virgin then he isn't for you. Just do it when you are ready, in the mean time get more comfortable with who you are

[starlight]

Im in a similar situation and im heading towards 27, it upsets me alot. So although i cant offer advice id still like to forward comfort to you!

[Cridders88]

If he goes off you solely because you are inexperienced then he isn't worth getting with in the first place. Getting drunk and fucking a stranger won't help, and I think you probably know that. He has already seen your hesitations, so he knows you are nervous about it, just take things slow and don't do anything you aren't ready to do. If he isn't a douche, he will understand.

To be candid, I don't have bags of experience myself, I only became sexually active early last year age 26. I found though with my first time with a man, the nerves soon melted away when the moment took over. He was much more experienced than I was, and I was open and honest with him about this and he did not care. Be communicative with him, don't be afraid to let him know if you are out of your comfort zone. Best of luck, go with the flow and most importantly, enjoy!

[Borg69]

IMO, YOU, and your virginity... is a gift. Give it to someone special whom you care for.

HOWEVER... while it IS special, it's not winning a 2 Billion dollar lottery, so don't be totally hoarding your virginity/sex thinking you'll kill angels by actually using it and enjoying it. Get what I mean?

Find somewhere where you're comfortable, between just giving it away to any bum on the street whom is willing, and saving yourself for a white wedding. Ever play dodge ball? You don't want to be first or last.

Your friend should be honored you're picking him. If he's not, he's probably not the right guy to be with for more than what you're already doing.

Go out and have some fun, but play SAFE.

[Doofus89]

I'm not too sexually active with men, especially older ones. But, him seeing how hesitant you are I'm pretty sure he knows you're a virgin. AND the fact that he still wants to spend time with you is great! As long as he isn't pressuring you into anything you don't feel comfortable with, take it slow with him. Be as open as you can, not overly open, but be honest about how far you wanna take things. Hope that helps!

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I definitely don't feel pressured by him to take things further (although I do think he presumes its going to happen soon), the pressure is from myself. I don't want to hold onto my virginity for some Prince Charming who doesn't exist, I want to be able to have a normal relationship without the worry of this being there. I want to have sex and I want to have sex with this man. I guess part of my fear is I will be terrible at it and thats part of why I thought losing it to a drunken stranger would be best because I wouldn't care about disappointing them, but you're right, I know thats not the answer.

I'm not sure I'm ready to tell him I'm a virgin (do you think its obvious that I am?)

How do you know what to do with things never done sexually before.

Anon, I don't really understand your question. Most (all) of my knowledge is from porn and friends. VERY little practice other than blowjobs (which, I won't lie, I was really happy to see he enjoyed IMMENSELY )

[Insertnamehere]

If he's a good enough guy as he seems to be, he's the type of guy you would not regret having your first time with. So, if you do have someone you feel comfortable with, why would you go and have random sex?

The best ting you can do is tell things like they are. If he has a trouble with you being inexperienced (some people do) big whoop, you find someone who's not (some people are perfectly fine with it).

He sounds ok.

I'm not experienced at all myself and I used to crush on a guy I know who was very clear about not liking inexperienced dudes. No harm done, the world didn't end. Plenty of other people I've known are ok with it.

[meridannight]

In January I met an older guy, he's an actor and came to the opening night of a play to see a friend of his perform. A bunch of us went out after and this guy and I really hit it off. I felt so much more comfortable with him than I have with anyone until now. We have met up a few times since then and he brought me for dinner and went back to his place afterwards. That was the first time I ever sucked a guy off.

He could tell I was nervous but I still couldn't bring myself to say I'd never had sex. He said there was no need to all the way yet if I wanted to wait, but like I said I sucked him off and he asked if I would rim him, I guess he saw my hesitation and said he would do me first if I wanted. Before it went any further though he got a call that he had to answer and that was that. I went home.

He picked me up from the theatre last night and asked me to give him a blow job (in the car) because my flatmate was home and he said he had a mate staying at his house too.

I want to have sex. But I'm afraid if I tell him that I have no clue what I'm doing he'll go off me. But then he'll probably be able to tell from how useless I am anyway. I actually considered getting off my face and fucking some stranger just to get the first time over and done with. Is it off putting to have sex with a guy who's never done it before?

you are overthinking it. it is clear he likes you and wants to have sex with you. just go with the flow. you've already had sex with him, actual intercourse is not that far off from what you've already done. and it's really not that big of a deal, the first time.

i wouldn't tell a guy it was my first time ever having sex (and i didn't when it happened to me), at least not before already having done it with him. maybe months after the fact i would do it, if something more than a physical relationship developed between us. otherwise, he doesn't need to know that information. you don't need to divulge it, and it's altogether not that important anyway.

go have sex with him. and stop thinking about it.

[LJay]

How do you know what to do with things never done sexually before.

You don't but there is much that is in all of us in the way of instinctive response. Apart from your imaginings and conscious thoughts you are dealing with nerve endings and bodily responses that are already wired in and waiting to be used.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice!