aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:Im an over thinker, and what i really need to do is take a big step back and learn to control my feelings.
Yep, we're similar people. I'm very analytical and over analyze everything, relationship oriented or not.
aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:right now im at peace with myself and him, and i can actually move on slowly with my life, which has been on halt for quite some time.
That's the first step and is so important. Not to mention a great way to start!
aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:Really appreciate you sharing your story, because it's given me another way to handle this situation, which i have been rather blind about. and to everyone who has provided their advice, it is so generous and supportive of you all, and i cannot imagine having to gone through this without any kind of support outside of people who know me.
Of course. That's what this section is for. It's tough when you don't have anyone to talk things through with for whatever reason and finding that outlet can make all the difference in the world. I'm very glad my story gave you an alternative viewpoint. I've gained just as much from talking about it myself and from reading other comments too.
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pman117 Wrote:Yep, we're similar people. I'm very analytical and over analyze everything, relationship oriented or not.
That's the first step and is so important. Not to mention a great way to start!
Of course. That's what this section is for. It's tough when you don't have anyone to talk things through with for whatever reason and finding that outlet can make all the difference in the world. I'm very glad my story gave you an alternative viewpoint. I've gained just as much from talking about it myself and from reading other comments too.
i just get super anxious when i feel like he's seeing someone else. whether he is, or isnt i have no way of knowing. and of course, it should be none of my business as we're only 'friends'... a friend that apparently wants my ass and dreams about it, as he puts it.
sometimes i wish i didnt want to date....but ive never been a relationship and it takes me foreevveerr to find someone i like
thanks guys x
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im just still trying to phase out of the overthinking stage, where i hope we become something. I keep worrying he's seeing someone else and just stringing me along, which he has said he isnt.
Im trying to feel it as friends, at times it works. however, it doesnt help when he tells me he wants, and dreams about my 'behind' all the time.
urgh.
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aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:im just still trying to phase out of the overthinking stage, where i hope we become something. I keep worrying he's seeing someone else and just stringing me along, which he has said he isnt.
Im trying to feel it as friends, at times it works.
It'll come. Probably won't be overnight but you'll slowly get there. Look at the positives as best you can, that's what I've been doing. It is INCREDIBLY easy to think about the worries and the negative side of things. Believe me I know. But in all honesty, if you guys are talking almost daily and he says stuff like that, I'd take that as him being interested to an extent.
Me and my friend don't talk on a daily basis and he doesn't typically say things like that (I wish he would but we've talked about each of our expectations and he's compassionate enough to not want to lead me on since he's not looking to date currently, which is super awesome) but we have a great time when we do talk/meet for beers or dinner or whatever and that's what I hang my hat on best I can.
Let the little niceties take up more of your thoughts. There's a form I have about challenging negative thoughts that might help you. I'll post a link if I can find it later.
EDIT: don't have enough posts to list links so....Google "challenging negative thoughts" you should get some helpful aids for that.
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i cant guys. dont know what to do. i feel like he's seeing his ex, doing his ex and then taking him to dinner...
bUT it could be his friend. or someone else he's seeing.
i nearly broke down but i was in pbulic so now i dont know what to feel/do.
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aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:i cant guys. dont know what to do. i feel like he's seeing his ex, doing his ex and then taking him to dinner...
bUT it could be his friend. or someone else he's seeing.
1) what, if any, evidence do you have for this feeling? Have you seen him with someone else? Or is this just a gut feeling that you keep holding on to and thinking about every so often.
2) On the flip side, what evidence do you have that he is not seeing an ex or other friend or whatever. He's told you he's not right? Yes those are his words but if you don't believe him then...what are you doing?
3) If your feeling like this right now as "friends" what happens if you become a thing. Will you still worry about something like this? Another way to look at it is: will this affect your relationship (whatever form that takes) in the future?
Finally: This is my two cents so you might wait for some else response with a bit more credit behind it but. At this point I think you need to talk with him (you guys still haven't met yet right?), or even call him to really sit down and let him know where you're coming from. It is an extremely difficult conversation for you and probably for him too, I understand that, but he's told you that he's not seeing others and you keep thinking he is and you think he's leading you on. Don't be accusatory, don't blurt out ""you are leading me on" or something like that because he will immediately get defensive. Make it more about you, "I feel like we have different expectations and want to know where you are at" or something.
This is where I lack experience completely and the above paragraph is more of a personal take of what I think I would do.
Side note: I feel like you've taken a step back from your previous comments about dinner being the last stand. He hasn't taken you up on that offer, he hasn't answered the comment you sent him about wanting to get to know him and he continues to talk about wanting/dreaming about your ass. He's either afraid of committing to anything or isn't as interested as you want him to be. Only you and him can determine which one it is and you can only do that by talking to him and telling him what you're feeling. If he runs away because you want to talk about feelings, then he probably isn't good for you anyway. If he listens and actually converses about it, perhaps you two can get somewhere and come to an understanding.
(Again, any help from some of the forum veterans will likely be better suited for this situation than myself)
Heartbreak sucks big time, it's a fact.
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pman117 Wrote:1) what, if any, evidence do you have for this feeling? Have you seen him with someone else? Or is this just a gut feeling that you keep holding on to and thinking about every so often.
2) On the flip side, what evidence do you have that he is not seeing an ex or other friend or whatever. He's told you he's not right? Yes those are his words but if you don't believe him then...what are you doing?
3) If your feeling like this right now as "friends" what happens if you become a thing. Will you still worry about something like this? Another way to look at it is: will this affect your relationship (whatever form that takes) in the future?
Finally: This is my two cents so you might wait for some else response with a bit more credit behind it but. At this point I think you need to talk with him (you guys still haven't met yet right?), or even call him to really sit down and let him know where you're coming from. It is an extremely difficult conversation for you and probably for him too, I understand that, but he's told you that he's not seeing others and you keep thinking he is and you think he's leading you on. Don't be accusatory, don't blurt out ""you are leading me on" or something like that because he will immediately get defensive. Make it more about you, "I feel like we have different expectations and want to know where you are at" or something.
This is where I lack experience completely and the above paragraph is more of a personal take of what I think I would do.
Side note: I feel like you've taken a step back from your previous comments about dinner being the last stand. He hasn't taken you up on that offer, he hasn't answered the comment you sent him about wanting to get to know him and he continues to talk about wanting/dreaming about your ass. He's either afraid of committing to anything or isn't as interested as you want him to be. Only you and him can determine which one it is and you can only do that by talking to him and telling him what you're feeling. If he runs away because you want to talk about feelings, then he probably isn't good for you anyway. If he listens and actually converses about it, perhaps you two can get somewhere and come to an understanding.
(Again, any help from some of the forum veterans will likely be better suited for this situation than myself)
Heartbreak sucks big time, it's a fact.
well i only saw the snapchat he took of a photo of a guy he was having dinner with. captioned "with pain in the ass (emoji laugh)" it's just that his ex was asian, this guy happened to be asian, and i feel like im losing out to another asian...its like getting kicked in the balls non stop.
i'm so vulnerable because with my first date ever, the guy came around and called and said he was getting together back with his ex, and that all along he was stringing me along. and i cant seem to let go of my past, and it kind of makes me feel like maybe im not worth anyone's time and those who are around me only tolerate it.
i can't call, because ill only look like an actual psycho, but i cant do anything but overthink. stalking doesnt help when his snapchat score increase and when he's last online on whatsapp. imagine he had facebook/instagram, i'd be on it all the time.
im doing my best to ghost him, so not show my timeline on his snapchat. it just hurts even more, because it feels like ive gone down this exact path before, and i decided to stay away from the dating scene for about 6 years, just to regain myself. i cant help but feel like this experience is only going to bring me back to where i was then.
all i really want is closure without acting like a psycho. lol
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well i only saw the snapchat he took of a photo of a guy he was having dinner with. captioned "with pain in the ass (emoji laugh)" it's just that his ex was asian, this guy happened to be asian, and i feel like im losing out to another asian...its like getting kicked in the balls non stop.
i'm so vulnerable because with my first date ever, the guy came around and called and said he was getting together back with his ex, and that all along he was stringing me along. and i cant seem to let go of my past, and it kind of makes me feel like maybe im not worth anyone's time and those who are around me only tolerate it.
i can't call, because ill only look like an actual psycho, but i cant do anything but overthink. stalking doesnt help when his snapchat score increase and when he's last online on whatsapp. imagine he had facebook/instagram, i'd be on it all the time.
im doing my best to ghost him, so not show my timeline on his snapchat. it just hurts even more, because it feels like ive gone down this exact path before, and i decided to stay away from the dating scene for about 6 years, just to regain myself. i cant help but feel like this experience is only going to bring me back to where i was then.
all i really want is closure without acting like a psycho. lol
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Thank you for your support guys
I've said my goodbyes to him and we've come to an understanding of where we stand.
Who knows what the future will bring, but right now I'm focusing on myself again.
Again love you guys for your support.
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Dating/Friendship Advice
