Racist co-worker

[Ammon]

Exactly Darius, that's what I mean.
If someone hates my partner that means they hate a big part of me so that wont be acceptable. So is it that much to ask for in return?

It makes me feel worthless and if being with my partner doesn't make me stronger then that means I'm stronger on my own...

Trust me guys this is not the only case, however this IS the first case I'm making a big deal about it.
All other cases are similar but didn't had to do with racism.
[MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] to me yes because at one point you see a lot similar problems come back simply in different situation. And if my partner doesn't support me at all then the word partner lost its meaning...

[LJay]

Ammon, it is concerning that this situation does not seem to pass. What does your partner say? What have the two of you decided about it?

[Ammon]

After our first discussion I didn't bring it back up.
Tonight we were on our way to a restaurant and I brought it up saying do you actually understand how it makes me feel about you giving him time?

Bf: There's nothing to understand, someone hates you and you want me to hate him.

Me: Surely you can't be that ignorant??? Fine I give up but good to know where I'm standing.

We changed subject and went to a restaurant.

I'm getting tired of myself beating myself over it. He has zero empathy.

[himself]

[TigerLover]

Dude just because he's mentally diseased is no reason for your boyfriend to be rude to him. He was probably raised that way/ had something terrible done to him or his loved ones by a member of your community. Or he could just be a real grade-A moron just led around by other racists in which case he doesn't really understand what he's saying anyway.

That said your boyfriend sounds like a real immature little brat. He could at least sympathize with your position.

And he responded "what??? I don't think I need permission to talk to anyone!"

Oh so that means i should ignore almost everybody who hates your kind

So because someone hates you I have to hate him??

Bf: There's nothing to understand, someone hates you and you want me to hate him.

Seriously!! :mad: Frickin heck. That's just one step above "I know you are but what am I." or "I'm rubber you're glue, bounces off me stick to you."
Jesus where did you meet him, in a creche. A man who thinks like this is clearly not emotionally equipped to handle a relationship.

I don't think he did anything wrong at first. But his response to you was totally unacceptable, callous and just so ridiculously stupid.

Still if this comes up again tell him you don't hate the racist you pity him. Set a good example by showing compassion not hate and maybe he'll get it. Plus it might take him off the defensive and enable you to have a real conversation about this.

[matty7]

Ammon - Im at a loss to why your boyfriend is acting the way he is , almost making you the problem - you seem to have informed him in a calm way , giving him all the relevant information and also leaving the subject to a later date too before bringing it back up , not all people are confrontational which I understand but there is no excuse to say that because this guy hates you then he is expected to hate him - hell yes he should view this person with disgust and stop been polite to him - makes me wonder what your boyfriends stand would be if he racially abused you in public - would he even react then ?

some people can let everything wash over them without any reaction what so ever = maybe your boyfriend is this kind of person ?

[Darius]

Ammon, I don't know what your race is, but it doesn't really matter. I've never had a black bf (but I would) and if someone made racist remarks about him, you can be sure I wouldn't tolerate it.

There must be something more to this than we know. Is he normally unempathetic towards you and your feelings? Do you want me to kick his ass?

[Cridders88]

I can only echo the sentiments here of confusion as to why your boyfriend is behaving this way and to think that it is acceptable to behave this way. If someone shows hatred to my boyfriend based on race you wouldn't catch me mixing with that someone. Just the same if it was me on the receiving end of that hatred, I would want my boyfriend to be in my corner, not the racist. I agree with Tigerlover, he does seem to be lacking maturity, and this is probably the main issue.

[Ammon]

I'm arab but born in belgium. No matter what racists have endured, I too have endured a lot, it didn't make me hate belgian people... my bf is belgian.

Lol Darius thanx for the good laugh
But it's sadly enough true, he is unempathic.
And just to be even more clear guys he is 11 years older. I do know that my bf has had a terrible past with his ex wife and ex boyfriend.. I guess I should be paying for the exes faults.. at least that's how he makes me feel most of the times. Like always comparing me with his exes.

But a part from that negative side, he does always put my needs before his. That I really can't deny. And I do know that to him I mean a lot but sometimes like in this situation it makes me wonder how limited I'm worth "fighting" for...

As for why he reacts the way he is reacting maybe he agrees with the reason why the racist is a racist...

[Darius]

Remember that the bf has been at his job for 22 years, so he is not a kid. That doesn't meant he can't act immaturely, of course, but sounds more like just insensitivity to his partner.