Trouble with long term partner - can't stay hard.

[rroepcke]

Thanks for your feedback guys!

Is your cock getting any attention either from your partner or yourself during the sex? If your dick is being jacked during it, do you stay hard?

No he doesn't and I don't - I actually don't like the way he touches my dick...too rough, I used to be hard throughout but since the pressure has been put on me it's taken any of the excitement away from it.

being in an open relationship does not mean it is a given the other guy is getting something on the side. i have only been with one other man besides my partner during this whole time we've been together (3 years, give or take), and it was a one-night-stand.

as for him, i know he has been with a few guys. i know him though, and i trust him to be safe, and own up to it when he has not been safe and thinks there can be a problem. if you can't trust your partner like that, then you're gonna have a problem. this one is an absolute must if ever there was such a thing. people make mistakes and fuck up, that much is understandable, and you shouldn't assume to be 100% safe even in a monogamous relationship. in a relationship you have to be able to come clean when your actions negatively affect your partner.
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I guess I'm considering an open relationship now because I've started feeling such pressure and resentment I think it would be healthier than me feeling like I have to perform or he'll go elsewhere. At least if it's a sanctioned act there won't be any dishonest behaviour or lying.

To be honest I'm having a hard time at the moment. I don't know if I want to be in this - part of me is giving up with it. I just found out he has been on Hornet again... I've gotten to a point now where I don't even want to bring it up with him because I feel like it gets me no where. I just don't really know what to do.

Sorry for venting here guys. Thanks again for the advice.

[Darius]

Don't apologize for venting. Actually, I got the feeling from your first post that you were unhappy enough to be thinking about leaving him. The more you post only proves this.
Not only does he insist on only topping, he gives your dick no attention during the sex. He could learn to not be so rough on your dick if he wanted. Maybe he doesn't care enough to try. He sounds very selfish. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
Instead of the open relationship, maybe it's time to end it?

[meridannight]

I guess I'm considering an open relationship now because I've started feeling such pressure and resentment I think it would be healthier than me feeling like I have to perform or he'll go elsewhere. At least if it's a sanctioned act there won't be any dishonest behaviour or lying.

To be honest I'm having a hard time at the moment. I don't know if I want to be in this - part of me is giving up with it. I just found out he has been on Hornet again... I've gotten to a point now where I don't even want to bring it up with him because I feel like it gets me no where. I just don't really know what to do.

it is impossible for me to tell you what to do in this situation. i understand not wanting to feel resentment for him. i know that can be a vicious self-reinforcing circle that could end up destroying whatever good came before it. sometimes you need to change the way things are in order to get out of there.

something else you said though -- you mentioned you used to be hard throughout but didn't like the way he touched your member. did you ever talk to him about that? did you tell him to be more gentle? did you describe him the way you wanted him to touch you?

i'm just wondering if this whole thing is not a matter of simple miscommunication. sometimes the smallest of things can cause big misunderstandings between people. you might not even realize just what can cause a misunderstanding between you and another guy until you've had several fights on the subject and even given up on him to finally have that one meaningful conversation that sets things clear.

i've been there. things that i took for granted that i thought he understood the same way that i did -- things i considered so mundane and clear at first glance as not to even bother to ever bring them up and explain them -- he actually had a wholly different understanding on and was something we did need to clarify between us. and it was such a tiny thing of all things. and that tiny thing ended up creating huge months-long friction and conflict between us.

are you sure you've absolutely gone over and cleared everything pertaining to this subject/conflict with him?