Ive just broken up from a long term relationship, long story, and I'm finding it hard. I know I need to move on but I guess my chances are very slim as I have bladder issues so have to wear adult nappies either disposable or washable and the bed has to have a protection sheet on it.
My ex was aware of the condition (which has got better with medication over the last few months although not likely to totally have control,) but I'm just lost and lonely now. Im scared that telling people will hinder my chances of meeting a guy but then I also know that I have to come clean on the first instance.
Posting this is not easy so please be respectful, im not even sure why I'm posting on here. My head is all over the place.
It seems like one of those things which you have to figure out when to tell other people you're romantically interested in.
I mean, telling them right away, while an honest act, would likely be somewhat of a bombshell; not good when a relationship is fragile and budding.
At the same time, it needs to be mentioned before there's a large amount of commitment and investment in the relationship, so as not to come off as disingenuous.
A tightrope situation, and something that will have to be judged on a person by person basis.
Sorry my input is so pessimistic.
Best of luck though.
Hopefully other members here will have better advice.
You are very right to be working with you doctor about your condition. I can tell you that I am very close to having a talk with my diabetes doctor because it is nearly impossible for me to make it to the bathroom in time. Believe me, I empathize. When my sugar is very high and I wake up in the middle of the night----good luck. I have memorized the location of every bathroom along my usual routes of travel for doing errands, etc. I haven't used them (yet) but I know there are several different kinds of briefs and pads and nappies [diapers in the US]. I was recently shopping for a mattress pad and noticed that I could get one with waterproofing built in. It was actually softer than the regular one.
You don't say whether you and your ex had problems when you were having sex. My hope is that you did not. It would seem possible to have sex with a partner and then sleep separately so that you could deal with your incontinence as necessary. You just have to get to know someone well enough that you can explain that you have a medical problem and need some help and patience from him in dealing with it.
In the meantime, consider counseling, perhaps hypnosis, and some kind of physical therapy. Your doctor can help you with those things.
Good luck. The secret is being adaptive and dealing with this as a medical problem that can be treated. Don't feel alone. We all have our quirks and we all have to cope as best we can.
Right now is not a good time for you to be contemplating another relationship. Your just starting over and still recovering from the previous relationship.
There's no doubt that your feeling lonely and depressed right now. You need to allow yourself some time to reorganize and adjust to the changes you've made in your life. Once you have adjusted,, then you'll be in the right frame of mind to seek out a new relationship.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself and don't be afraid of the future.. It will unfold whether you worry about it or not.
Your bladder problem sounds like it is something relatively new for you (last couple of years). This is also something that you have to adjust to, and learn how to deal with it while dating, hooking up, or looking for future relationships. And yes,, some guys will be turned off by it,, but they are probably not ready for a relationship anyway... The only problem I can see at the moment, is dating a guy who wants to cuddle all night long. You will have to put on a adult nappy before you start the overnight cuddling, and that will require you to disclose your problem prior to him sleeping overnight with you. Genersis (above) had some good thoughts on when to tell a prospective partner about your condition...
Everyone has "something" they want to hide...on the inside or outside...and many of them do hide what ever it is...but it always comes out anyway....so imagine that you are on a level playing field because actually.....you are...
The other thing..go ahead and tell them...it is actually a gift. If they walk away...you dodged a bullet IMO. ...so think of it as having the perfect good man finder instead of having a flaw...
If this happened to my man..I definitely would NOT love him any less or not want to be with him. I would probably love him more even because I kinda naturally want to protect his vulnerabilities.
So..my suggestion is just to tell them and make is a matter of fact thing. If a guy can't handle it..he really isn't worth it IMO.
Apart from medication you have not mentioned any other remedies that yo might have taken. At your age your problem can't be age related so at a guess it would seem to be more stress incontience. Whatever, there are a variety to treatmnents available. Take a look at these:
There are many more sites avaiable but if you do further research make sure to put in male incontinence otherwise you will get sites also for female incontience and the causes and cures for female incontinence are different.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
very difficult trying to get the timing of actually telling prospective partner about your 'problem' been there and got the postcard being totally urinary incontinent all my life.
You will find an understanding guy he is out there just takes time, trust me.
Can I suggest you try ditching the nappies and try condom catheter with leg bag, I've been using them for years with no problems, and you could get rid of the bed waterproofing with them to.
search conveen optima
As Londoner says there are plenty of sites out there offering advice which should help.
I'm very sorry to hear he broke up with you. As others have said therapy or doctors might be able to help as you've said some medication's have already helped, but for now you should just work on moving forward with having just broken up, and focus on yourself with the depression and the road ahead. Sorry I can't offer more help. There are understanding caring guys out there though who will only see you for the amazing person you seem to be, and they will accept you for who you are. Just don't give up, and keep hope alive. Regardless of any physical situation's someone may be in I can say myself I would stick with them through it all. It's not about appearance or looks, it's about the feeling's you share with them along with the connection you share with there heart at least that's what I believe. I wish you the best, and I hope it really does work out for you.
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