Ok. So I have started a new relationship. First to say it has been going great. I really like him and have feeling and are obviously developing into something serious. We dated for a month and then last month today decided to become boyfriends. It has been going great. The last week and a half I have been spending nights with him. Like I would go to work and we live close to each other. So instead of going to my place with my roommates I stay with him. I love staying with him. We kind of do our own things so it's not like we are constantly in eachothers arms. But still. How much is to much staying over? I like him. I want a possible future. But I don't want to smuther him. He said he loves me being over and sleeping with him. And he is the one that asks me to crash there. Keep in mind we have not gotton into an argument yet or gave seen how we are like upset. Anyway. Is spending this much time ok for a new relationship?
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Some people need more time apart than others, sometimes a lifetime, sometimes a day is too long. Trust your instincts, there is no handbook.
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Spending this much time, as you put it, is all very relative. Of course it's all right to spend a lot of time together if you are comfortable with each other, if you enjoy one another's company. Note that being together does not necessarily entail being wrapped in one another's arms all day long, but it could be if that's what you're into at that particular time of the day. Sometimes enjoying another's company can mean being in the same apartment, even in different rooms, but knowing you won't have to go far to be in touch physically or vocally. Being able to come in bring him a cup of coffee or tea while he's working, watching different things but being able to discuss it right away, if an interesting subject comes up, and occasionally actually listening to something, or watching something together too.
If you are worried of overstaying his welcome, I would suggest that you keep in mind that he might need some 'alone' time, or time to be with his other friends or family. I don't really see why you can't ask him whether this is time he needs. You might bring up the subject by saying that you are really enjoying being with him but that you'd understand if he needed some 'space'. Maybe you also need that space from time to time.
My partner and I have that in our relationship, and I'm sure recognising that the other needs that space and making it happen are part of a healthy relationship. Trust him to tell you how he feels if you are also honest about it with him. It doesn't have to be a 'guess' thing.
But, from what you are saying in your post, it sounds as if he's the one requesting your company, so you can't be overstaying his welcome.
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In your shoes, I'd just be careful to be equitable with him as much as possible. When I've ended up getting tired of a new "friend" being over all the time, it's been because they need too much contact time or they do things like eat all my food without replacing it.
As far as emotions go, it's a new relationship and you're having fun. Go with that and do what feels natural. I'm one of those people who'd want a new boyfriend over as much as possible as long as I still got some "me" time. It sounds like he's happy to have you there and even encouraging you to come over each night, so savor it and enjoy each other's company  . There's nothing quite like getting to know someone you're enamored with.
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This is exactly what you should discuss with him. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
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there is no such thing as ''too much time'' or ''too little time'' that people outside your relationship can define. as long as you're both comfortable you are not having a problem.
right now, you are looking for a problem in abstract. as if such a thing as you being around him too much had to exist. stop worrying about things that aren't even an issue and enjoy your relationship.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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really depends on how you both feel about each other, if your feelings for him are stronger, then you are going to want to spend more time with him that what he would actually like, and visa versa. If you both love each others company equally, then you should be fine, although that is close to impossible. the main thing is to get a feeling off of him to find out how much is to much.
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First, is it too much time for you?
Second, if you think it might be too much for him, cut back and see if he complains about it.
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princealbertofb Wrote:Spending this much time, as you put it, is all very relative. Of course it's all right to spend a lot of time together if you are comfortable with each other, if you enjoy one another's company. Note that being together does not necessarily entail being wrapped in one another's arms all day long, but it could be if that's what you're into at that particular time of the day. Sometimes enjoying another's company can mean being in the same apartment, even in different rooms, but knowing you won't have to go far to be in touch physically or vocally. Being able to come in bring him a cup of coffee or tea while he's working, watching different things but being able to discuss it right away, if an interesting subject comes up, and occasionally actually listening to something, or watching something together too.
If you are worried of overstaying his welcome, I would suggest that you keep in mind that he might need some 'alone' time, or time to be with his other friends or family. I don't really see why you can't ask him whether this is time he needs. You might bring up the subject by saying that you are really enjoying being with him but that you'd understand if he needed some 'space'. Maybe you also need that space from time to time.
My partner and I have that in our relationship, and I'm sure recognising that the other needs that space and making it happen are part of a healthy relationship. Trust him to tell you how he feels if you are also honest about it with him. It doesn't have to be a 'guess' thing.
But, from what you are saying in your post, it sounds as if he's the one requesting your company, so you can't be overstaying his welcome.
Thanks for that. It seems he does. Like when I was leaving for work. I gave him a kiss and he said see you tonight. So I think he is the one wanting me over too. And we seem to have open communication at least to an extent. It is so new being only a few months. I'm still learning how to correctly play the relationship game. But Im happy with how things are going.
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Sherbil Wrote:In your shoes, I'd just be careful to be equitable with him as much as possible. When I've ended up getting tired of a new "friend" being over all the time, it's been because they need too much contact time or they do things like eat all my food without replacing it.
As far as emotions go, it's a new relationship and you're having fun. Go with that and do what feels natural. I'm one of those people who'd want a new boyfriend over as much as possible as long as I still got some "me" time. It sounds like he's happy to have you there and even encouraging you to come over each night, so savor it and enjoy each other's company . There's nothing quite like getting to know someone you're enamored with.
I was thinking about this today. I mean we eat out most. But I want to make sure I am bringing my own stuff. Like toothpaste. And not use his. So yeh Ill keep that in mind.
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