Meeting a married man

[MikeW]

...
I didn't exactly get it when u said:

"Whether you do or don't have sex with this man has absolutely no cause-effect bearing on whether or not someone will "cheat" on you. ZERO. "

I'm referring to "karma." "Karma" is bull shit. I said exactly what I meant: Whether your do or don't have sex with this man has no cause-effect bearing on whether or not someone will cheat on you in the future.

And then u were like go ahead fuck him but don't complain abt it when it goes bad and u k it would. It's like ur telling me to do it despite the fact that it is bad for me. That kinda confused me there

No. I said it would be bad for you if you got emotionally involved. You know that already. You said so yourself. If you do that, then don't whine about the consequences because you made the decision to do it.

OTOH, if you can fuck with the guy and enjoy it for what it is -- just sex -- why not?

How is that confusing?

[verysimple]

I'm referring to "karma." "Karma" is bull shit. I said exactly what I meant: Whether your do or don't have sex with this man has no cause-effect bearing on whether or not someone will cheat on you in the future.


No. I said it would be bad for you if you got emotionally involved. You know that already. You said so yourself. If you do that, then don't whine about the consequences because you made the decision to do it.

OTOH, if you can fuck with the guy and enjoy it for what it is -- just sex -- why not?

How is that confusing?

Ok now I get it. Idk. I don't know him, I don't trust him and I don't expect nothing at all from him. We can be friends if not I'll fuck him and then leave him.

[verysimple]

I'm referring to "karma." "Karma" is bull shit. I said exactly what I meant: Whether your do or don't have sex with this man has no cause-effect bearing on whether or not someone will cheat on you in the future.


No. I said it would be bad for you if you got emotionally involved. You know that already. You said so yourself. If you do that, then don't whine about the consequences because you made the decision to do it.

OTOH, if you can fuck with the guy and enjoy it for what it is -- just sex -- why not?

How is that confusing?

And what I understood is that he is fucking around looking to have fun with guys.. Am young and I wanna experience everything. Now am not trying to steal him away not wreck his house but he is just having fun and so am I since he was forced to get married I can get it

[Darius]

We can be friends if not I'll fuck him and then leave him.

You said you didn't want to be like your father who cheated on your mother so instead you will be like the women your father cheated with? Why lower yourself to that? You can't be that desperate, can you? You are going to meet lots of good looking guys, take one whose life isn't already fucked up like this guy's.

[CellarDweller]

There are more than enough fish in the sea, you don't need to cast your line into someone else's lake.

One thing you need to remember is that in this type of relationship, you will forever be second, behind the wife and kids.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Today as I was on Grindr some guy hit me up and we chatted then he sent me his photo and he is just hot!!

Now although he is 37 he looks rlly good for his age and older men are always a weakness of mine as he is also looking for younger.
We swapped numbers and continued talking on the phone
He is so direct and straight forward that he told me he is married on the phone and he has a child.
He has been in numerous relationships before and hookups while he was married. Idk why he got married but he told me it was arranged marriage or smth like that. He said he is sure to not leave his family suffer and neglect them no matter what but he also has his needs to fulfill. He also said he isn't to be trusted relationship wise cuz he has commitment problems and what not.
Idk what to say here but am honestly interested to know him just not emotionally or relationship wise especially that the first phone call lasted for 35 minutes and that's a lot for a guy that you don't know.
He is married. I made it clear to him that I wouldn't get involved emotionally with a married man especially when my dad cheated on my mom and married another woman so I can't wreck someone's home like mine got wrecked.

U see how conflicted I am here. I have this awesome guy on one hand and the fact that he has a family on the other hand ..

We arranged to meet up tomorrow. Just chat nothing more. But I asked to meet up cuz I wanna know his reasons for getting married and I wanna get to know him more in general

I think it's a bad idea. We don't always have 100% control over our emotions and who we fall for, and so there's no way to guarantee, with the kind of connection you're already clearly experiencing, that you -won't- fall for him.

He's made it clear where his boundaries are. WAY too much potential for getting hurt, here.

It looks like a surefire heartbreak waiting to happen IMO.

[MikeW]

I think it's a bad idea. We don't always have 100% control over our emotions and who we fall for, and so there's no way to guarantee, with the kind of connection you're already clearly experiencing, that you -won't- fall for him.

He's made it clear where his boundaries are. WAY too much potential for getting hurt, here.

It looks like a surefire heartbreak waiting to happen IMO.

You're probably right, [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION], but so what? I mean, so what if [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION] falls for this guy and ends up getting hurt? What better way to learn a lesson, eh? That's how I learned to stop falling for every clueless, gay friendly, (allegedly) straight guy who befriended me. Let your heart get trampled a few times, you learn not to cast it before swine.

[meridannight]

I mean he obviously is just using guys like you for his own pleasure.

because you know them both, his life, his family and all the rest needed to make this judgement?

just because that was your experience, does not mean that is the case here as well.

Karma will come around and bite you back twice as hard for wrecking a home. You come from a broken home. Don't put his kids through what you did

except it is not that black and white. if a married man goes out to look for someone else on the side without his spouse's knowledge, that home is already broken whether he hooks up with someone else or not.


i agree with a lot of what [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] said. adult men make their own decisions based on their own wants and needs, and consideration. and it is never as abstract as married men being off limits. life doesn't work as artificially as that.

No I would never get attached. Even if anything got attached evolved into feelings I'd cut all ties cuz I k damn well it wouldn't go too well.

unfortunately, it is not possible to rationally control your emotions and steer them to where you want them to go. once you're attached, once you feel something for him, you'll want to feel like that forever. you won't want it to go away, you'll want to be attached to him, and you won't have a single shred of control over any of it.

[meridannight]

Let your heart get trampled a few times, you learn not to cast it before swine.

that hasn't taught me like that. i still fall in love like i did when i was 15.

but i never saw it that i fell for the wrong guys. i have my own history of straight crushes, which probably haven't ended and probably never will, but they weren't the wrong guys. they couldn't reciprocate but it wasn't their fault. and a number of them treated my feelings with respect once they learned of them. there isn't a single one i'm ashamed of or one i regret.

they were necessary to teach me about my own emotions, and for learning how to experience them. they were necessary, because in the end, that's how i came to terms with the fact that i feel things for other men.

[MikeW]

that hasn't taught me a single thing. i still fall in love like i did when i was 15.

but i never saw it that i fell for the wrong guys. i have my own history of straight crushes, which probably haven't ended and probably never will, but they weren't the wrong guys. they couldn't reciprocate but it wasn't their fault. and a number of them treated my feelings with respect once they learned of them. there isn't a single one i'm ashamed of or one i regret.

they were necessary to teach me about my own emotions, and for learning how to experience them. they were necessary, because in the end, that's how i came to terms with the fact that i feel things for other men.

All excellent points.

Underscoring my belief that emotional pain isn't always or necessarily something to be avoided at all costs.