I am not blind
Aries
07-02-2016, 12:29 AM
After a long precise analysis of my 7 months old relationship, I have finally come to build up several similar theories about my boyfriend that all prove to be well-placed, and confirming how much this relationship is a waste of life. However I need some clearance and advice from people who have experience so I can come to a decisive conclusion.
My boyfriend has a life full of lies, lies to himself, lies to me and to everyone else. His first lie was to pretend he was a college student while in reality he had dropped after high school.
Then there was another about his parents and him being rich, that he was a top model well-known is most of the city. He pulled out a big sum of my money pretending to invest in his nonexistent career while in reality he spent all of it on shopping. In fact, his dad had cut him off his money because he wanted him to find a job and become independent. Instead of doing this, my boyfriend counted on me to salvage his libido. I found about this yesterday, the truth hid in his cousin's mouth to whom he claimed he was using me.
Then I found out he actually pulled himself out of his parents' house 3 months ago and implanted himself in my previous apartment in order to keep using me. It wasn't his dad that threw him out. He came to live with me only thinking that I would not, like his father, keep annoying him with the fact he has to find a job and become independent. He never moved his ass, not before and not after we were both thrown out of my previous apartment and went to live in a caravan.
Even in the brief caravan living, he didn't move his ass either. He was ready to exhaust every resource I had until I managed to hide the rest of it for my own survival. When I pretended I was out of money, it was the same day his father asked for him to return home and he agreed with no hesitation. Right after, his sister took me in to live in her property, with her psychopathic son, and right now I realize how much it was kind of her getting me out of that situation, offering me all I needed to get back on track and move into a new apartment.
When I was living with his sister, I managed to see my boyfriend behind her back because she had forbidden me to contact him. When I did, he beat me up behind his home, under the rain. A few days later, he attempts suicide claiming he did it because he thought he had lost me, and asked for my forgiveness. The day after, I left his sister's property after crushing her psychopathic son using his crippled emotions. I went off the grid, slept a few nights at a friend's place then moved into my new apartment.
But my boyfriend had to blame someone for his attempted suicide because he just can't stop playing the victim while he resumed his life at the same rhythm by not moving his ass and threatening his father to commit suicide if he doesn't shut off his mouth. So his father started manipulating him, and since he had to know I used to live in his daughter's property, he told him I was behind all the dramatic events. So my boyfriend kept blaming me for his hospitalization ever since, ignoring all the damage he had done to me.
When I finally moved to my apartment and resumed studying and revising for my final exams, he promised he would do his best to start becoming independent of his family. But as usual, empty promises, since he decided to keep sticking with me all days and all nights since the beginning of the summer. I told him there is no way he could live with me again for now or I will be repeating the same mistake and finding myself on the streets.
Ever since he moved out of his parents' house the first time 3 months ago, he kept locking me from my entourage and my secondary life goal, which is becoming a published author. Each time I felt oppressed and needed some space or extra sleep, he changed his face and threatened to leave me for good, which means he used my PTSD and sick nerves to start a fire and pushing me into madness. Day after day, especially when the summer began, he started treating me bad and insulting me each time he had any doubt I was seeing another guy or even when I go out with my friends. When I understood his extremely manipulative behavior, I put a stop to it, only for him to start threatening me to commit suicide if I ever get bored of him or mad at him. His only alibi was the fact he had attempted suicide 2 months earlier because he thought I let him down, while in fact he did because his family turned their back on him, and for good reasons, ones I now fully understand.
Then he began bringing in his invented sexual fantasy of him watching me penetrating another guy. I immediately told him it was out of the question, then he insisted by, again, threatening me to go back to his exes. I did not follow his behavior, so he changes tactics by acting as if he wanted me to earn his trust again. He promised me it was no test or any crappy stuff other than his fantasy. So he took me to see this completely unattractive man who had a nice ass. He stayed with us in the sauna room for the first few minutes, clearly seeing I am trying my best at it with no results, but then he left pretending to quickly go drop some stuff. A few minutes later, I kindly told the unattractive guy to stop so he let me out. Then the barman, a friend of my boyfriend, tells me he had left claiming I am a cheater. So I went to see my friends after that, then got back home, erasing him slowly from my life.
But the next day he calls me and asks to meet me in a dark place in the middle of the night near the river with his dangerous female cousin. I refused because I wouldn't put my life at risk knowing he made everyone believe I am a cheater. So I get back home then he follows me with his cousin. I calmed them down then welcomed them in my apartment as the respectful man I should always be. He begged for my forgiveness and that it was a test, therefore confirming he has broken once again his promises. But all I could see in his faked sorrow is nothing else but his faked crying face. I know exactly when someone I see in front of me is honest with their emotions. He was crying with no tears, then stopping abruptly, then starting again, then inventing another lie claiming his mother has received a threatening letter from the nonexistent sect he claimed he belonged to. I know it because he thinks I am dumb enough to not track down every single detail of his browsing data on my computer thus knowing, of course, none of what he claims to be secret is any secret. I told him I needed time to think if our relationship can continue, on which for once he agreed.
Then for a week, every night when I am about to sleep on the red heart pillows he offered me, and when I stare at the bracelet his presumably deceased brother gave him and which he then gave to me, I have been getting a sensation our relationship will end very badly, and that it was to be soon. So I remember now only the few good things he has done to me, like offering me some food he had taken from his parents' house and buying me a small plastic statue which I wanted to have. But when I remember all the gifts I had given him, including my own bracelet as a promise to never let him down, I remember I deserved these few precious objects. I truly love him more than anyone, and I wish I could say I wanted to have a very long lasting relationship with him, but after he hurt me so much, I start asking myself what is the future of our relationship.
Then his same cousin calls me 3 days ago saying he has been thrown out of his house by his father because they had a big fight and my boyfriend hit him brutally. He then comes to my apartment, while we are being distant, and cried real tears for hours, almost all night. I thought at this moment that it has been all over, that I lost him for good. But I am not heartless, and even if I wanted him out of my life, I took him to a social group where he could seek shelter and meet the friends I have made there. But until then, he resumed manipulating me in order to have my back so he could install himself in my new apartment and cause me trouble. Before we went to his new temporary shelter, I receive a call from his sister telling me to send him a warning message that if she catches him she will massacre him for beating up his father. I tell him about it, and he reacts as if it wasn't new then alerts his cousin in order to open ulterior fire. But suddenly his moods drops after I told him not to give up his life for his messed up family. He takes a knife and gets out pretending he is taking fresh air, but I notice the knife and went to stop him and succeeded.
After that, he sleeps at the shelter and gets closer to my friends, and it is still going on. His behavior didn't change at all, same life full of lies, same arrogance and implicit attempts to humiliate me then immediately act like it is just a joke and hugs me. So I am accidentally lying to him and telling him I still love him madly like before, which is however somehow true but fading because of the wounds he caused in my deepest feelings.
I actually made up my mind to live without him until he was thrown out. Now that he has lost everything except me, I can't let him down knowing I could cause his death, which would consume me with guilt for the rest of my life.
I have been expecting and waiting for him to make a blunder and lose his luxurious jobless life, in order to make him suffer like I suffered. It is true that ever since I entered his life, I have been accidentally pushing him to fight for his independence, but he did it the wrongest way possible and made me believe at some point that I dismantled his family. I am actually proud of that, for once. His father is now a crippled old man who lost his last child, his mother is falling in morbid depression, his sister losing her second brother against her wishes, his nephew crushed to a downward spiral with his psychopathic and illegitimate existence, and his cousin burning her hands while secretly setting fire on all of them. Guess that only started when I met him and first pushed him to reveal me to his loved ones.
But I want my boyfriend out of my life because I know he is driving me insane with his mental illness and toxic lies. I have every reason to believe he loves me madly, when he hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me and smoothly touches my hair. Unfortunately he has chosen the most destructive ways of showing it. It tears me all over, knowing it is so sad we love each other so much but can't have a healthy relationship in the future because the pain caused inside of me is too deep to be undone by him. He broke every single piece of trust I had in him as well as my heart, and I have no reason to believe he is going to change his behavior and get his full independence which would be the only way for us to work together.
Should I make it clear for him as soon as possible? Or do I wait for his another deadly mistake to be repeated so I can show him it is finally over between us? Should I keep telling him I love him like before or do I tell him how much I am hurt because of him? How to let him go and break our relationship without causing his suicide?
Truth is, I don't know what I want, whether to have a relationship with him or just move on...
There is only one choice I have to make between these two, but both are so difficult to reach...
I want a relationship with him, but only if he becomes a normal person. I want to move on, but without causing his death.
I am not blind, but I need your help guys.
Thanks a lot... ...
My boyfriend has a life full of lies, lies to himself, lies to me and to everyone else. His first lie was to pretend he was a college student while in reality he had dropped after high school.
Then there was another about his parents and him being rich, that he was a top model well-known is most of the city. He pulled out a big sum of my money pretending to invest in his nonexistent career while in reality he spent all of it on shopping. In fact, his dad had cut him off his money because he wanted him to find a job and become independent. Instead of doing this, my boyfriend counted on me to salvage his libido. I found about this yesterday, the truth hid in his cousin's mouth to whom he claimed he was using me.
Then I found out he actually pulled himself out of his parents' house 3 months ago and implanted himself in my previous apartment in order to keep using me. It wasn't his dad that threw him out. He came to live with me only thinking that I would not, like his father, keep annoying him with the fact he has to find a job and become independent. He never moved his ass, not before and not after we were both thrown out of my previous apartment and went to live in a caravan.
Even in the brief caravan living, he didn't move his ass either. He was ready to exhaust every resource I had until I managed to hide the rest of it for my own survival. When I pretended I was out of money, it was the same day his father asked for him to return home and he agreed with no hesitation. Right after, his sister took me in to live in her property, with her psychopathic son, and right now I realize how much it was kind of her getting me out of that situation, offering me all I needed to get back on track and move into a new apartment.
When I was living with his sister, I managed to see my boyfriend behind her back because she had forbidden me to contact him. When I did, he beat me up behind his home, under the rain. A few days later, he attempts suicide claiming he did it because he thought he had lost me, and asked for my forgiveness. The day after, I left his sister's property after crushing her psychopathic son using his crippled emotions. I went off the grid, slept a few nights at a friend's place then moved into my new apartment.
But my boyfriend had to blame someone for his attempted suicide because he just can't stop playing the victim while he resumed his life at the same rhythm by not moving his ass and threatening his father to commit suicide if he doesn't shut off his mouth. So his father started manipulating him, and since he had to know I used to live in his daughter's property, he told him I was behind all the dramatic events. So my boyfriend kept blaming me for his hospitalization ever since, ignoring all the damage he had done to me.
When I finally moved to my apartment and resumed studying and revising for my final exams, he promised he would do his best to start becoming independent of his family. But as usual, empty promises, since he decided to keep sticking with me all days and all nights since the beginning of the summer. I told him there is no way he could live with me again for now or I will be repeating the same mistake and finding myself on the streets.
Ever since he moved out of his parents' house the first time 3 months ago, he kept locking me from my entourage and my secondary life goal, which is becoming a published author. Each time I felt oppressed and needed some space or extra sleep, he changed his face and threatened to leave me for good, which means he used my PTSD and sick nerves to start a fire and pushing me into madness. Day after day, especially when the summer began, he started treating me bad and insulting me each time he had any doubt I was seeing another guy or even when I go out with my friends. When I understood his extremely manipulative behavior, I put a stop to it, only for him to start threatening me to commit suicide if I ever get bored of him or mad at him. His only alibi was the fact he had attempted suicide 2 months earlier because he thought I let him down, while in fact he did because his family turned their back on him, and for good reasons, ones I now fully understand.
Then he began bringing in his invented sexual fantasy of him watching me penetrating another guy. I immediately told him it was out of the question, then he insisted by, again, threatening me to go back to his exes. I did not follow his behavior, so he changes tactics by acting as if he wanted me to earn his trust again. He promised me it was no test or any crappy stuff other than his fantasy. So he took me to see this completely unattractive man who had a nice ass. He stayed with us in the sauna room for the first few minutes, clearly seeing I am trying my best at it with no results, but then he left pretending to quickly go drop some stuff. A few minutes later, I kindly told the unattractive guy to stop so he let me out. Then the barman, a friend of my boyfriend, tells me he had left claiming I am a cheater. So I went to see my friends after that, then got back home, erasing him slowly from my life.
But the next day he calls me and asks to meet me in a dark place in the middle of the night near the river with his dangerous female cousin. I refused because I wouldn't put my life at risk knowing he made everyone believe I am a cheater. So I get back home then he follows me with his cousin. I calmed them down then welcomed them in my apartment as the respectful man I should always be. He begged for my forgiveness and that it was a test, therefore confirming he has broken once again his promises. But all I could see in his faked sorrow is nothing else but his faked crying face. I know exactly when someone I see in front of me is honest with their emotions. He was crying with no tears, then stopping abruptly, then starting again, then inventing another lie claiming his mother has received a threatening letter from the nonexistent sect he claimed he belonged to. I know it because he thinks I am dumb enough to not track down every single detail of his browsing data on my computer thus knowing, of course, none of what he claims to be secret is any secret. I told him I needed time to think if our relationship can continue, on which for once he agreed.
Then for a week, every night when I am about to sleep on the red heart pillows he offered me, and when I stare at the bracelet his presumably deceased brother gave him and which he then gave to me, I have been getting a sensation our relationship will end very badly, and that it was to be soon. So I remember now only the few good things he has done to me, like offering me some food he had taken from his parents' house and buying me a small plastic statue which I wanted to have. But when I remember all the gifts I had given him, including my own bracelet as a promise to never let him down, I remember I deserved these few precious objects. I truly love him more than anyone, and I wish I could say I wanted to have a very long lasting relationship with him, but after he hurt me so much, I start asking myself what is the future of our relationship.
Then his same cousin calls me 3 days ago saying he has been thrown out of his house by his father because they had a big fight and my boyfriend hit him brutally. He then comes to my apartment, while we are being distant, and cried real tears for hours, almost all night. I thought at this moment that it has been all over, that I lost him for good. But I am not heartless, and even if I wanted him out of my life, I took him to a social group where he could seek shelter and meet the friends I have made there. But until then, he resumed manipulating me in order to have my back so he could install himself in my new apartment and cause me trouble. Before we went to his new temporary shelter, I receive a call from his sister telling me to send him a warning message that if she catches him she will massacre him for beating up his father. I tell him about it, and he reacts as if it wasn't new then alerts his cousin in order to open ulterior fire. But suddenly his moods drops after I told him not to give up his life for his messed up family. He takes a knife and gets out pretending he is taking fresh air, but I notice the knife and went to stop him and succeeded.
After that, he sleeps at the shelter and gets closer to my friends, and it is still going on. His behavior didn't change at all, same life full of lies, same arrogance and implicit attempts to humiliate me then immediately act like it is just a joke and hugs me. So I am accidentally lying to him and telling him I still love him madly like before, which is however somehow true but fading because of the wounds he caused in my deepest feelings.
I actually made up my mind to live without him until he was thrown out. Now that he has lost everything except me, I can't let him down knowing I could cause his death, which would consume me with guilt for the rest of my life.
I have been expecting and waiting for him to make a blunder and lose his luxurious jobless life, in order to make him suffer like I suffered. It is true that ever since I entered his life, I have been accidentally pushing him to fight for his independence, but he did it the wrongest way possible and made me believe at some point that I dismantled his family. I am actually proud of that, for once. His father is now a crippled old man who lost his last child, his mother is falling in morbid depression, his sister losing her second brother against her wishes, his nephew crushed to a downward spiral with his psychopathic and illegitimate existence, and his cousin burning her hands while secretly setting fire on all of them. Guess that only started when I met him and first pushed him to reveal me to his loved ones.
But I want my boyfriend out of my life because I know he is driving me insane with his mental illness and toxic lies. I have every reason to believe he loves me madly, when he hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me and smoothly touches my hair. Unfortunately he has chosen the most destructive ways of showing it. It tears me all over, knowing it is so sad we love each other so much but can't have a healthy relationship in the future because the pain caused inside of me is too deep to be undone by him. He broke every single piece of trust I had in him as well as my heart, and I have no reason to believe he is going to change his behavior and get his full independence which would be the only way for us to work together.
Should I make it clear for him as soon as possible? Or do I wait for his another deadly mistake to be repeated so I can show him it is finally over between us? Should I keep telling him I love him like before or do I tell him how much I am hurt because of him? How to let him go and break our relationship without causing his suicide?
Truth is, I don't know what I want, whether to have a relationship with him or just move on...
There is only one choice I have to make between these two, but both are so difficult to reach...
I want a relationship with him, but only if he becomes a normal person. I want to move on, but without causing his death.
I am not blind, but I need your help guys.
Thanks a lot... ...
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Gemini
