bicuriousgeorge Wrote:Hello everyone. I am very new to this site. I have a dilemma I'm sure is nothing new to you. However, I really could use some good advice. I am a straight male. I have NEVER been with a man. However, I think about it all the time. I really want to try being with another man. The problem is I need to be very discrete. I thought about going to a gay bar but what if I run into someone I know, Even though they are gay I still don't want anyone knowing my dark secret. I even thought of going to a adult bookstore but isn't illegal to have sex in public? Thats the last thing I need is to get arrested for that. The thing that is confusing me is all of my fantasies involve me performing acts not receiving. I soo love the looks of a penis. Can anyone give me some good advice?
Thank you.
bicuriousgeorge Wrote:See thats the thing I don't have any gay friends. Back to the bookstore thing there is a gay guy that works there that hits on me.
First problem is we don't know where you are and unfortunately geographic location does make a difference. If you're in, or near, a large city there are very likely all kinds of options available to you. If you live more rural, far less so. But even so, you might be surprised. I grew up in a rural area of the mid-west (long time ago) and I *know* that there were places where men went to meet one another for anonymous sex. Moreover, I discovered fairly early on that there was a lot more "availability" than one might think. Hell, I even had sex with the county prosecuting attorney. Totally closeted man. (Never mind that I was in my early 20s and he was pushing 50!) Life can be far, far stranger than we imagine.
You don't say but I'll assume you're married with a family. I have no judgement about what someone chooses to do but you DO need to consider, whether you're secret is revealed or not, if you do act out your sexual desires with someone other than your spouse, you're going to have to live with that knowledge. If you're fine with it, have no emotional qualms about it, then that's one thing. OTOH, if you're the kind of man who "stews" emotionally over his actions and their consequences, it can lead to emotional discomfort. Moreover if, by chance at some point your secret is revealed to your family, then you're going to have to live with THOSE (potentially dramatic) consequences.
In my world view, honest is the best policy. Reduces unnecessary "drama" for one thing. One can choose to do whatever one wants but ideally we ALSO choose to take responsibility for our actions. So whatever the outcome or consequences, even if they are less than favorable, we accept them as a result of our choice. We choose to act. We accept the consequences, good and bad.
Since you indicate that someone you have some acquaintance with has "hit" on your, I'm curious, why haven't you given some indication that you might be open to it? Do you find him attractive at all? Does he seem like someone who might be interested in going further with?
I'm not sure why you're confused about your sexual fantasies. Sounds like you'd enjoy (or imagine you would) giving pleasure to another man. Well, there are a lot of men (again, probably far more than you would think) who'd enjoy that. The trick is finding them because, like you, many of them don't feel comfortable publicly acknowledging their desires.
I suspect downloading and installing one of the gay hook-apps is your best bet. Grindr, Scruff, Hornet (to name a few). You'll need to have some pictures. You need not show your face.. but men will want to have some idea of your body type (if nothing else). You'll need to say something about yourself. I advise being honest: That you're bi-curious, inexperienced, looking to give pleasure, in need of anonymity and discretion. You put it out there and you see what kind of 'hits' you get. ALWAYS meet someone in a public place BEFORE meeting them somewhere private. If at all possible, Skype with them even before that.
Make sure you understand how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted bugs. Play safe.
Let us know if you have further questions.
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to GaySpeak. Lest someone should forget to advise you on this, you should remember to come prepared, ie have the right tools for your first time doing things with a guy and to a guy. Why don't you start with that? What sort of sex are you looking forward to performing, what kind of tools will you need to perform it anonymously etc.... The Portuguese film / art maker Antonio Da Silva concedes that there's a whole lot of men out there who don't identify as gay (and don't really want a relationship with another man other than sex) who are ready to have sex with other men, just because sex with other men is fun and informative etc... Look up his site and see what he has to say about it. One of his short films is called Be Sexual, it discusses that particular frame of mind.
