Bent Straight Boys

[princealbertofb]

Common point with all these men seems to be innate shyness, @MikeW. They look like strong men from the outside but their ego is the size of a pea inside. Probably what makes them ultimately attractive. Shyness is quite sexy.

[princealbertofb]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], how workable is your Gaydar?

[MikeW]

Common point with all these men seems to be innate shyness, @MikeW. They look like strong men from the outside but their ego is the size of a pea inside. Probably what makes them ultimately attractive. Shyness is quite sexy.

Tickle Boy (sorry I've yet to talk about him but I will, honest) is VERY shy. Almost painfully so in person. But not so much online, in Private Messages, Instant Messages and E-mail. There he's very clear and emphatic.

What's fascinating is, unlike Muscle Boy, TB knows *exactly* what he wants and needs. And part of that involves a LOT of on-line (at a safe distance) "foreplay".

More about Tickle Boy when I can get it all organized in my own brain... and why his showing up in my life right now is so important to me.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], how workable is your Gaydar?

It's not great. Some guys I can tell right off... others surprise me... so it's a hit-and-miss thing. Why do you ask?

[princealbertofb]

It's not great. Some guys I can tell right off... others surprise me... so it's a hit-and-miss thing. Why do you ask?

I got the impression, from what you were saying, that your Gaydar wasn't always accurate, and therefore you didn't trust it. I guess that's the right way to go about it : just ask, or find out. Safest and potentially less harmful.

[MikeW]

I'm going to have to write about Tickle Boy (aka TB) in stages. I've been thinking about HOW to write about him and finding it difficult. Moreover, I've been looking for an image to represent him... and having a VERY hard time finding one that works. There IS a picture of him on his profile on another forum I could link to but I know he wouldn't appreciate that at all. So... to at least give you some idea... here's this (with a lot of words to help you modify the impression in your mind):



Tickle Boy is 34 years old but could easily pass for 5 to 10 years younger. He's 6'1" (1.85+ m) tall. Lean and with a bit more padding than the guy above. (He thinks he's fat, he most certainly is not, LOL!) Shaved head. Black, rectangular rimmed glasses. It's difficult to find a pic of someone with his "look" because he is both a "hipster" (with no facial hair) and a sort of "nerd". A man/boy. He's also an interesting combination of masculine male but soft, again, very "boyish". He's smart -- very smart -- playful, funny, and shy -- sometimes painfully shy -- all at once.

He contacted me on another forum I belong to. What was interesting about that is he lives here in Berkeley, and its very rare to be contacted by anyone local. He introduced himself in his first Private Message at some length and explained that he said very clearly in his profile what he was looking for but that most men just didn't "get it". He closed, asking me what I was looking for...

So, of course, I checked out his profile. In it he describes himself as a guy who loves touch, massage and especially tickling, looking to meet passionate, kind, supportive, open-minded older men who can make him laugh.

I won't quote him but I'll quote some of my reply:

....So... I read your profile. IDK if I have a sense of humor... Probably not. (That right there is about the extent of it, hahaha) And you REALLY DO all those different athletic and adventurous things? Fencing? Martial Arts? SKY DIVING??? The first two hold some romantic fascination but the latter, OMFG... I can barely deal with climbing up on a foot stool, let alone jumping off... Admiration for all that, I must say.

Touch... hmmm... its been so long since that's happened I can barely remember. Not that I don't LIKE it. I love touching and being touched.... just... well... in brief I'm a widower twice over. So lot of sadness and loss now associated with that. I can get beyond it, its just that being my age and all I haven't had much desire to do what it takes to "make it happen". You know, like go out. Meet people.

I do try to be supportive. I spend a lot of time lending support to several young gay men -- and one couple -- I've met online. None of them are local, though.

I could probably express what I'm looking for if I was sure what it was. What I do know is that, in terms of relationship, it would take a "special" person to "get" me... who I am... and be ok with it. MOST guys I meet either aren't all that interested or, worse, want me to be something or someone I'm not. *shrug*

So, beyond what's in your profile, what's your story?...

In his next PM TB explained in more detail that what he was looking for was a very SPECIFIC kind of relationship. He explained, first off, THAT HE IS STRAIGHT, and that he has a particular "kink" -- which is, that he likes to jerk off to titty fucking and tickle torture porn (with young women with big boobs bouncing around being tickled while fully, but lightly restrained) while HE is simultaneously being tickled by an older gay or bisexual man.

:eek:

He also went on in some detail about his personal sexual history. How he discovered that he had this particular 'kink' while in college and where he felt it came from ... his being tickled and made to laugh hysterically by older men (uncle, dad) when he was a child.

He put all this out there and it was clear from the way he wrote it that he knew exactly what he wanted but, at the same time, had some feelings of shyness... around it. He knows that most men, even gay ones, aren't going to even understand this desire, much less be open to this scenario. Worse, they might even have judgements about it. So he concluded that if I felt that way, he didn't expect to hear from me again.

Well, TBH, I found this totally intriguing. I'd never even heard of such a thing and wrote back that this was fascinating but that I had no experience with anything like this -- but was open to learning more about it.

He replied that having experience wasn't necessary. What was important was that I be open to the possibility of learning. The way he put it, we could just begin by getting to know one another. FOR HIM it is very important that he know me, know that he can trust me, know that we can build a working rapport. He explained that he's done this before, worked with older gay men with little to no experience in the dom/sub genre. The way he put it is, this needed to in some way be mutually beneficial to both of us... and that if we got to a place where either of us felt this wasn't working, we could just stop moving forward, no hard feelings.

I liked the sound of this and TBH, to me it was amazing that TB was showing up in my life at exactly this point.

For the past year or so I've been corresponding with a young guy (married... do I need to say "to a man"?) who used to be a member of this forum. We've gotten to know one another VERY well over the course of months (writing back and forth almost daily). Within the past couple months we've both been talking bout my sexuality -- or more specifically my LACK of one. How I spend a lot of time looking at and thinking about men (of various ages) but do NOTHING to actually engage in sexual experiences beyond jerking off to porn. We've talked about how "injured" i've been from my past two relationships... how I've gotten to a place in my life where I'd resigned myself to forever being alone... and was mostly alright with that. BUT... big "but"... there remains a part of me that misses the intimacy of sex. I'm fairly clear that I'm NOT looking for a "relationship" or any kind of emotional commitment. A "friend with benefits" would work nicely, though, as I've never been a promiscuous gay man. Anonymous sexual encounters, even picking someone up at a bar, much less hooking up using some phone app... is just outside my realm of experience. My last partner, Thomas, and I *did* do some of that together... he being much more sexually aggressive than I've ever been.

The short of it being that though these email exchanges I've been feeling increasingly confident... feeling increasingly that SOMETHING is going to change in my life and I'm going to move beyond this stuck, "hermit" phase of my life (which has lasted now since 2001).

INTO THIS CONVERSATION COMES TICKLE BOY... who, as it turns out, is EXCITED to be a catalyst for my own sexual transformation!

To be continued....

[princealbertofb]

That's quite a story, [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]. So your life is taking a new turn?

[TigerLover]

I love these posts.

[MikeW]

That's quite a story, [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]. So your life is taking a new turn?

Even I don't fully understand why I've not allowed myself to be sexual with anyone since 2001. It's partly due to the trauma of loosing two partners, for sure. But that's not all of it. I have had a lot of losses in my life. A whole identity as an artist is now lost to me, for example. It's complicated... or I make it complicated. Suffice it to say, I've just not felt OPEN to the possibility.

As I said, I've been discussing this in some detail with one of my correspondents who has been very insightful and helpful. He's in his mid 2os but exceptionally mature for his age. He's also married to an older man, more than 10 years his senior. But, prior to his marriage, he's been involved with other, even older, gentlemen. He's made it quite clear to me that *I* am keeping myself in a box; it isn't that there aren't potential partners available to me (especially here in the SF Bay Area where I live). Its just that I've not made myself available to them.

That is what Tickle Boy is changing. What's important in this is that HE initiated contact with me. Moreover, he's very experienced and extraordinarily verbal. A lot of men don't know how to say what it is they really want (and don't want). This is especially true the younger they are. But TB is quite the opposite. He knows exactly what he wants and isn't shy about making that clear. He wants to be dominated in a very safe way with someone he knows he can trust; someone with whom he can give up all self-control. But its not only that. Its the specific 'kink'... he wants to be tortured with pleasure and delight, literally tickled to the point he looses all control.

He's also extremely affectionate, polite, and supportive. We've gotten to know one another quite well. He knows all about my own issues and is delighted that his coming into my life is helping me move forward and come out of my shell.

And he really is helping me. I don't quite know how to explain it. If I felt comfortable sharing some of what he's said to me (in person, via email and IMs) you'd all see what I mean. He is straight, about that I have no doubt what ever, but he is unlike any straight man I've ever met before. Totally open about his wish to be pleasured, even dominated (in a hysterical way) by an older gay man.

It's interesting for me on a lot of levels. He comes into my house, sets up his porn (on three monitors) strips naked and allows me full access to his body. I'm to remain clothed (shorts and tank top). I can hold him, tickle him, rub him but... until we get to the point where he is fully restrained (which hasn't happened yet)... I'm not to touch his penis. Well, if I happen to touch it as I tickle him that's fine, even desired to some extent, but I'm not to jerk him off or do anything oral. At least not yet. Its just so interesting to be in a situation where there are very clear limits... and yet he is naked, fully exposed, tempting me to take advantage of him and thus causing me to use restraint.

No doubt to most gay men this would be torturous. For me its more like "edging"... it gets me horny as fuck and he knows it... and is delighted that he has this effect on me. He likes that he's driving me a bit nuts, LOL!! Even when we're not together he often writes rather long emails describing his sexual fantasies of what I'm doing to him as he's watching his porn and getting himself off. He *knows* the effect this is having on me... and I really don't mind at all. I like it.

When we have a session, I'm not to touch myself. That has to wait until after he's gone. He's seen some of my own porn and I've told him what turns me on... so he's fully aware of my own proclivities. No judgement from him at all. On the contrary, he is ENCOURAGING me to move beyond my box-wood world and begin to FINALLY let myself have more of what I desire.

Life is strange. We can predict so many things. Then there are these surprises that just come out of the blue... Tickle Boy is not something I could have ever predicted.

[MikeW]

On another note, I spent yesterday afternoon with Muscle Boy. This was at his invitation late last week. He emailed me wanting to know if I'd like to "hang out" Tuesday afternoon. I was a bit surprised given we'd just seen one another a week before.

I'm really enjoying that MB and I are becoming friends. We're both "loners" ... he says he hasn't any friends and I have no reason to doubt him. He's not exactly the easiest person to either get to know or be around.

I also want to make clear (incase anyone is confused about this) that I'm not intending on getting into MB's pants. I like the guy a lot and am happy to have him as a friend. I have quite a few straight male friends. Granted he has some vague curiosity but if anything is ever going to come of that, it will have to be he who moves us in that direction, not me. I'm fine with us just "hanging out".

What's interesting to me is how MB is opening up and talking to me more openly than he's ever done before. It's CLEAR to me that he really likes me and trusts me... and I feel really good about that. I'm clearly the first older gay man he's ever "hung out" with...

Our conversations go all over the place. He's a funny character, both a "meat head" and an intellectual. Odd combination. He's shy, funny, and really likes to talk once he opens up. He's just a sweetheart of a guy.

One of the things I'm doing is helping him work on his OK-Cupid profile. But that's just one part of our conversations.... so far we've gone into comic books, anime, food production, photography, art, the ambiguities of sexuality, and, of course, working out and the use of "performance enhancing drugs" (which in his case means specifically steroids). So... this is interesting. I've known MB for several years now but it is only just NOW that we're truly becoming friends! And I'm digging the hell out of it.

OH... and I must say... when we talk? He doesn't like to sit. We walk. A lot. It was very interesting watching how other people reacted to seeing this cute-as-fuck, beefy Muscle Boy in a tank top and shorts walking alongs side this older (damn buff for his age) gay man. LOOKS? Yeah we got looks... And I was digging the hell out of that. hahahaha