Is this infatuation, love, obsession, loneliness or what?

[DGOMAR]

Hello. I'm in my late 30s. I moved to my actual city four years ago and only have one best friend who is not gay. I feel very lonely and needy. Two months ago, I decided to organize a social meetup group for men to make new friends. I didn’t create the group for dating, just to find company for social activities. It has been successful so far.

Here is when the problem starts. I feel attracted to one of the members. He moved to the city a year ago and doesn't have friends. During the weekend of July 4th we went together to the bars Saturday and Sunday night and then to see the fireworks Monday night.

I started to have feelings for him after that weekend. I don't have sexual thoughts. It's just romantic love like when I was a kid. I’m curious because I was masturbating the other day while watching porn and didn’t think of him at all, but in other situations my heart races, I get very anxious when I think of him and want to spent the most time together.

I want to conquer him. It seems that he enjoy my company because otherwise he wouldn't go out with me more than one time, but I’m not completely sure if he can reciprocate at this time.

I’m an attractive chubby bear and I often find admirers among bears, but this guy is not into the bear subculture so I don’t know if I’m his kind of body. I have been testing the waters to check how he feels about bears. We have been several times in a local bear bar and he seems to feel comfortable, but when I ask him if he finds someone attractive at the bar he says that nobody. One time he mentioned that he is not attracted to bears. I continue thinking that I can conquer him.

Now I feel motivated to lose weight and improve myself in other aspects. I want to be “dateable”. I haven’t had those kind of feelings since I was adolescent. Is this an immature infatuation, obsession, loneliness or love?

[InbetweenDreams]

1. Sounds like you have a crush on this guy...maybe a little infatuated... So beware about that, letting things go to your head might lead you to unnecessary grief.

2. Losing weight and getting into shape while is an excellent idea. I'm on that bandwagon myself and in fact doing a triathlon tomorrow morning. I have a few threads on here about losing weight and so forth. That all being said, you should never do anything just to try to get someone to like you, it won't work and you'll feel miserable afterwards. You want to lose weight that's great, go for it, but don't do it for this guy.

3. Keep it casual, hang out with him get to know him he may reveal whether or not he likes you, finds you attractive in a more concrete manner soon enough.

The last thing is keep it together, if you get infatuated you will likely ignore any red flags, like him pushing away if he feels smothered in any way. So take it easy and try not to go head over heels.

[MikeW]

...I want to conquer him....

IDK, maybe its just me but I find that an odd way to think about it. It implies overcoming someone else's will. Making them do something they don't want. In my experience, having sex with someone who isn't rally into it, or me, isn't very hot or enjoyable. Seduction is one thing, but "conquering"? IDK, unless you're into some sort of domination thing, what would be the point of it?

I agree with [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] that there can be all kinds of good reasons for getting into shape and, perhaps, making yourself more desirable. But bottom line it should be something you do for yourself, for your own fitness and over-all happiness, not JUST to attract other men.

And, yeah, sounds like you have a crush on the guy. As for being into you or attracted to you? Well chances are if he were you'd know already. That's not a 100% for sure but I'd give it at least a 75% for sure. Usually men are pretty obvious about stuff like that. True, not always, but usually.