Straight Friend Mixed signals

[Justme]

I know this is probably the most common experience of gay men-- straight guys giving us mixed signals. So to think I still have to ask how to handle this...

He & I have been friends for about a year & have gotten really close in recent months. So close that we would talk every day, multiple times a day. He's 11 years older. He knew I was gay & he explained that he's straight. He literally talks about vagina all the time. He's tried dating several times. A couple months into the relationship it falls apart. Idk why. While being there for him, I sort of began to develop a crush on him.

I finally told him in April that I could no longer be his friend & wished him the best (he'd been seeing some chick and I was jealous). He was upset. Told me he knew I was liked him cause of how much I was there for him & that I was making a mistake. At that point, I felt used & didn't talk to him for a week. It was a horrible week. I saw him one day and we began talking. We explained how we didn't want to lose each other, but he reminded me that we're JUST friends. Nothing more. I accepted (I just wanted him in my life).

Here's where the mixed signals come in... Ever since, he talks about sex constantly. Brags on himself and asks me personal questions about what & how I like it. I'll change the subject & it goes right back to sex with him even demonstrating moves.
He sends me pictures of HIMSELF. No nudity. I know how he looks. I don't need pics. His reason: we're friends.
He does not want me to date. His excuse is he's gonna hook me up with someone, so don't get involved with anybody else-- romantically or sexually. I have yet to meet this person.
And lately he's been doing something that drives me crazy... He gets close to my ear & talks really low. While he's talking, his dick is rested against the back of my hand. Happened 3 times this week. And I know he feels it cause he's in those basketball shorts, which is like boxers without the hole. When I try to move away, he grabs my arm. Of course the voice in my head yells 'grab it' but for the reason of us being JUST friends, I won't.

I am really attracted to him, but for the sake of our friendship I want to respect his boundaries... Except Idk what they are! It's driving me crazy. Idk how to start up a conversation about it cause Idk if it's all in my head. I know his response is gonna be he loves pussy. I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing something that isn't there.
I also just drove 2 & 1/2 hours to & from the airport to get him. We went out to eat & our preparer thought we were a couple. Afterwards he invited me up to his apartment. He didn't say why. I declined cause I didn't trust myself to behave. I lied my way out of it, but I'm not a good liar, so he probably knew.

I just don't know how to handle the situation. Do I flat out ask him what's going on & risk the friendship? Do I come on to him the next time he basically rubs one out on my knuckles & risk the friendship? Or am I over thinking it & just continue to try to ignore everything to keep him as a friend? And if we're gonna be just friends, how do it explain to him that his actions are leading me on without spacing the friendship?

[LJay]

You could print out what you have written here and give it to him to read.

You are articulate enough in your post but I have the feeling that you are dependent on this guy and really afraid to lose him. You need to face up to that.

[drobs]

That's a hard one...

Regarding the hand thing. Sounds to me he's toying with you. I'd jokingly but seriously give him a couple warnings... "next time you do that I'm going to grab it." If your bold proceed to do so. Not so bold grab him by his waistband or hip and pull him closer. Want to mess with him, do the same thing back to him... maybe he'll grab your crotch 1st.

I worked with a guy in Iraq that was really touchy feely - to point of being creepy. He would constantly have to touch people on their arms, back, shoulder, etc. He was older and had that "fatherly" personality - probably be real good at teaching kids soccer but inappropriate in the business world. You couldn't get near the guy w/o him trying to touch you...

I finally had enough of it and let him know, to keep his hands to himself, otherwise he was going to get hit. When he started to reach out I'd punch him on the shoulder - friendly like, but with some force behind it.

Working where I do, I have a bunch of straight drinking buddies who constantly talk about sex. Nothing is out of bounds at our drinking table. They all know I'm gay and I will jokingly flirt with them.

Sometimes - that has gone "bad." Was flirting with one drinking buddy a couple years ago, and next thing I know the guy is following me to my room... not what I expected. Turns out he was gay but really closeted... Ooops.

Where am I going with this? Communication & Pay Back... Let him know the deal. If he wants to play "Gay Chicken" tell him that you are always going to win.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.ph...%20chicken

[Justaguy]

Like drobs said above this is a tricky situation and there could be many different things going on here:
Situation A - Your friend is potentially gay or at least bi-curious, and having a hard time coming to terms with it / expressing it. This is your best case scenario because it means he possibly reciprocates your feelings towards him. However it is unreasonable for him to tell you to not date or have sex with anyone else under a pretext of trying to set you up. You can't force him to come out if he is gay or bisexual or whatever. But on the reverse side he can't expect you to wait what? Weeks? Months? Years? Date other guys, flirt, have sex, live your life and hopefully when he is ready he will tell you, but try not to depend on that outcome, as I said this is but one possible explanation for whats going on.

Situation B - He is irreversibly straight, but is dedicated to being your friend. As you said before, you suddenly stopped being his friend because you were jealous of his girlfriend. It sounds like you were both pretty torn up about it, and he really wanted to be friends again. You said he knew how you had a crush on him? And when he started dating a girl you broke contact with him, perhaps (and this is pure speculation) he thinks you will only remain his friend if you think there is a chance of sex or a relationship with him. If this is possibly the case then you need to set the boundaries of your friendship with him, assure him you are his friend first and foremost, and that he doesn't need to tease you or lead you on to remain friends with you.

Situation C - This situation is only a possibility (I can only guess while you know whats going on far better than I ever could) but it is possible that your friend is using you a little. You say you drove 2 and a half hours to the airport for him, and that you console him over his relationships. Yet what does he actually do for you? He knew you had a crush on him but didn't say anything until he had to, he tells you to remain single so that your attention doesn't focus on anyone else, he makes pretty obvious advances but makes sure you know he's straight and nothing is ever going to happen. I hope I'm completely wrong but if I am right then you need to distance yourself from the friendship a little, focus more on yourself and hope that once the 'favors' go away there's still a frienship to go back to.

Anyway these are my three possibilites for what MIGHT be going on, truth is it might be a mixture of all three or it might be something else entirely, only you can decide for yourself.
I wish you the best for your situation and that you and your friend work things out.

[meridannight]

either he respects your boundaries for making the friendship work or this thing falls apart sooner or later. all the sexual jokes and innuendos, the physicality -- that is absolutely normal for the two guys who can handle it on a neutral basis. i have a friend with whom things can also get quite physical. but i feel no sexual attraction for him and it is easy not to make anything of it. you feel sexual attraction for your friend, and lines get blurred because of that.

bottom line -- he knows you're gay, he knows you're attracted to him. if after all this he wanted you, it would be very easy for him to just make it clear. if he's teasing you, or playing some sort of a game here, that is cruel. there is no need for that. he's said he's straight and you have no reason to think otherwise. a man knows how to let you know that he's confused or unsure about his sexuality or at least about his feelings for you, after all. this isn't how that's done. he's straight, take him at his word on that one.

so, it seems to me he doesn't know where the boundaries are, and you have to establish them.

meanwhile, go on with your life. go date guys you want to be with, etc. don't stay waiting on some chosen-one he has picked out for you (just because he is your friend and picks a guy for you doesn't mean you will like him. that is completely absurd -- nobody but you can choose a man for yourself. he should stay out of it).

[TwisttheLeaf]

I also think you should print out what you wrote here and have him read it.

And then take every word of [MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION]'s advice to heart.

[SilverBullet]

This does happen allot, the best advice that can be given is make a choice. Risk a friendship for a possible husband. Although if you are good friends, just come out and tell him you find him attractive but will respect his boundaries. Do it on a friendly joking sense to get the message across but sent in the lightest manner possible.

I think allot of "straight" guys are bi, personally I would never admit I was gay. The only people in my family that would accept me are my mom and step dad. Sooo if we were out in public you would never know I was bi/gay, I don't act it. Math says if there is one instance their is likely more than one. I don't think my situation is uncommon and his may be the same! perhaps letting him know your interested will draw him out of his shell? just go super slow and drop some hints, test the waters and be prepared to bail in a moment.

[Darius]

He's not protecting the boundaries, so why are you? He's a cock tease and probably gets off knowing you jack off thinking about him, so his laying his cock against your hand is just foreplay.

I say grab it next time.

[SilverBullet]

I say grab it next time.

ROFLMAO thumbs up to u sir ^_^

play this song and stare at him the whole time

small subliminal message


*dont listen to this hahah terrible advice*

[IanSaysHi]

He likes the attention.

Evaluate what you want out of a relationship. Decide if that will ever happen with this guy. You *will* know.

If you then decide you can see your relationship goals being fulfilled with him, then happy days. Enjoy.

If not - time to go find someone who'll really want you.

Sorry to be so blunt but straight guys are my forté.