Not sleeping when sleeping over

[LJay]

Oy! Speaking of sleepers here is [MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION] jumping out of a cheesecake.

Good to hear from you strange person and stranger too long to these parts.

[drobs]

Big bed or little bed?

I can just about sleep anywhere - standing up - but cram me into twin or full sized bed with another man & I have trouble sleeping.

Partner and I have a queen and I usually have no problem sleeping as long as I fall asleep 1st. Partner's snoring will keep me up, for bit, otherwise.

When I'm jet-lagging, 8 hours difference btw here & there, I find that I'll just get up and watch TV or surf the internet. Then go back to bed around 5am, to catch the morning cuddling.

[princealbertofb]

Having a drink of warm sweet milk (you can use honey) might set you off, giving you a boost of endorphins. To start sleeping your body really needs to cool down (temperaturewise) and your metabolism has to start slowing down, so maybe you are dealing with too much excitement of some kind. The electronic devices have been mentioned, and if you are using some, there are some apps that lower the amount of blue light that stimulates the brain to stay awake and therefore make it easier to find that moment of rest.
If you have bladder issues, it would make sense for you to find that ritual that helps you go to sleep. Emptying your bladder before you lie down would therefore make sense. Is the person you are sharing the bed with aware that you are having this trouble falling asleep? I think if you told them and explained that you'll need to find a calming down routine, they won't be too worried.
Ask if you can read in bed, sometimes reading can help you find a bit of quiet, but I'd avoid electronic devices unless they had that light app.
My partner has a very complicated sleep patern too and I know I can be fully asleep and not notice that he's reading beside me, or playing an electronic game, or even getting up to write poetry or go to the toilet, or have a drink, even though he needs to climb over me to get out of bed. So maybe your partner won't be too bothered or won't mind.

You could also be suffering from some kind of condition which might best be discussed with your doctor. Certain warm drinks (herb teas) can help to find sleep, but they also fill your bladder. Avoid caffeine beverages like tea, coffee but also Coke and other such soft drinks (Red Bull?).

[princealbertofb]

A couple more things, if you have had a bad night, there will be times of the day when you are feeling less energetic, so then maybe a siesta would be a good idea. Take twenty minutes to lie down after your midday meal if you can. This is also a nice time to share with a loved one, if it's the right mood and situation. Some people can get better rest from several periods of rest during the day, not necessarily the long 8-hour night rest.

I've read or heard somewhere that the body will generally catch up with lack of sleep but it does get more tired if it doesn't get sufficient sleep over a period of time. Ideally we should start resting quite soon at night, but our lives don't always allow this. This is when the post-prandial siesta is a good idea (if your timetable affords you that time).

You should also know that your body clock likes to settle down for equal duration cycles. I know mine are 45 minutes (except for a short siesta after lunch, which can be 10-20 minutes, longer will ruin the rest of my energy for a working day). I try to get sleep in multiples of that 45-minute cycle. That way I am generally well rested even if I can only have 90 minutes or three hours of rest. It's not ideal but it works not to wake up artificially in the middle of a sleep cycle. Find out what your cycle is (it could be longer or shorter, but the average is probably around 45 minutes). I count the time it will take me to fall asleep first when I set my alarm. There comes a time when you know you could easily fall asleep if you laid down your head, so when that comes, that's the time to start the countdown.

[SkinnyGuy123]

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied - I really wasn't expecting so many people to comment, or so many helpful pieces of advice.

I am wondering if you are not sure just what your partner likes in the way of a bedmate's behavior. Consciously or not, that could make you unsettled [...] The main thing is to get used to your surroundings and your friend's presence. I imagine that beneath the surface, you just don't quite feel at home yet.

LJay I think that could well be it, and subconsciously, even though I feel at ease being in bed with him, I am not yet at the stage where I can fully switch off and sleep without worrying I might disturb him.

I know what you are going through, I had the same problem with my ex, he always liked to cuddle too which made it worse for me. I could feel his heart beat which was like double the speed of mine and hear him breath, it kept me up, really hard getting used to sleeping with someone when your used to sleeping on your own. try sleeping a little bit away from him once he fals asleep, see if that helps.

I like cuddling In fact, the best night sleep I've had with him so far was when we cuddled pretty much the whole night. Some nights it's too warm for that though. I find feeling the heartbeat and hearing someone else breathing quite soothing actually.

Big bed or little bed?

Sorry drobs, I don't "get" American bed sizes... It is a double bed (I think you call that full-size?) Big enough for two people anyway! At home I generally sleep in a single though (twin-size?) We haven't tried sleeping in my bed yet - I think it would be a bit snug/uncomfortable, but maybe in the winter it might not be too bad to cuddle that close!

Tried talking it through with your partner?

the person you are sharing the bed with aware that you are having this trouble falling asleep? I think if you told them and explained that you'll need to find a calming down routine, they won't be too worried.

Thanks - I guess communication never hurts! Thanks as well princealbertofb for the information about the sleep cycles. I had heard before that 4-hour cycles work well for a lot of people i.e. have 4 hours or 8 hours or 12 hours for ultimate refreshment, but hadn't heard before about shorter cycles also being applicable.


Thanks again to all - It has been really reassuring to hear from everyone

[Shmgent]

I've been trying to overcome this for 25 years! I've been with my partner for 17 and we still have a hard time sleeping together because I can't fall asleep with anyone next to me. I've tried everything and have yet to find a solution. I'm now considering cognitive behavioral therapy. I've tried everything, herbal meds and teas, prescriptions, talking, bigger bed and anything else you can think of I've tried it. It's really hard on my relationship. Sorry, I don't have advice but this may be something you may have to learn to live with. Some people just can't sleep with someone else in the bed.

[SkinnyGuy123]

I've been trying to overcome this for 25 years! I've been with my partner for 17 and we still have a hard time sleeping together because I can't fall asleep with anyone next to me. I've tried everything and have yet to find a solution. I'm now considering cognitive behavioral therapy. I've tried everything, herbal meds and teas, prescriptions, talking, bigger bed and anything else you can think of I've tried it. It's really hard on my relationship. Sorry, I don't have advice but this may be something you may have to learn to live with. Some people just can't sleep with someone else in the bed.

Thanks for replying, I'm sorry things are difficult for you. I hope for me this is something I can grow to get used to as it's still very much a new experience for me.