HELP! I fell in love with a Bi/Straight guy that I think is Gay but won't accept

[yyzcanada22]

Hey,

I really need to get this out and hear other people's opinion.

I am 35 years old, gay male and last year i met this amazing guy that is a little older on a Craigslist post.

It was not just a hook up as we talked and exchange lots of emails before meeting. We finally met at his place, had some interaction and light sex... We continued talking and txting each other, every day for months and would see each other every other week.

All of the sudden he got cold feet, started to be more distant and I guess questioned his sexuality or that perhaps he could be falling for a guy.


He lived a straight live, lived with his previous girlfriend for 7 years and after she broke up with him he decided to experience man.

He was a bottom with some guys that he met and i was the first the he topped... then long story short he met another girl and pushed me on the side for good.. we stop talking but then for my surprise the girl left him after 3 months...

That's when i started getting his messages again .. we made a deal to be just friends, but when i went to his place for dinner he did kiss me and we made out.

Now, we still talk/exchange msgs all the time and see each other from time to time and everytime we stay together as bfs, it is clearly not just plain sex... we cook together, watch movies, cuddle.. we have a great chemistry but he said he wants to marry a woman.

He said that even some people in his family...including his dad make some recommends about him kinda come out or like: We want you to be happy with either a man or woman...

He is also not the most masculine guy and any gay guy would assume he could be gay ... (he is not feminine either) but you know what i am saying...


I hope people here could share their opinion, i am in love with this guy... we have a great connection in and out of bed, we care a lot for each other and somehow i still think that soon or later he will realize that.. but i know i should keep my hopes too high...

Please share your thoughts.....specially if you experience something similar...

love!!!

[InbetweenDreams]

Well sounds like this guy is being a bit reckless with you and your feelings for him... Which I guess it can be understandable with his sexuality coming into question. However, I have note that he wasn't very upfront with you from the sounds of things. I would proceed with caution because if he got cold feet before he might get cold feet again, you're not to be someone's emotional doormat. People aren't perfect either, people feel ashamed, nervous to really come out as gay and go into a gay relationship. While being gay is being more widely excepted, there's still a stigma about it.

As far as his sexuality, sounds like he's just bisexual... Sexuality is more like a color palette, some people are more gay than straight. It is a bit troublesome when you're in the middle, even more so when coming out of a long relationship with a woman. His sudden change of heart might be more of an emotional reaction.

Anyway, this is one possibility, might not be that or anything to it, but I wouldn't exactly suggest to go running to him with arms wide open. Keep dating, just know that with him there's no telling if he'll have a change of heart in the future.

[yyzcanada22]

Thanks for your input!

My feelings about him are strong and i do think is mutual, however he is very insecure and accepting a relationship with another man and coming to his family is just something he probably won't be able to cope ...

I don't have high hopes this might change, however wouldn't mind if it did...lol oh well

[Darius]

I think you are probably right when you say feelings are mutual, but that does not change the fact he is unable to settle down with you. He sounds like he has his heart set on marrying a woman. Even love between you might not be able to change that, especially since he doesn't have to hide it from his family who will support him either way.
You can't change him. That leaves changing only yourself. My concern is that you will spend too much time and care on someone who won't be willing or able to commit to you. You don't want to live in limbo like this forever, do you?
Good luck, buddy.

[yyzcanada22]

Agree with your Darius but i won't deny that i am struggling though...I feel that deep inside he would be happy in a relationship with a man and this is probably where his heart is set too. The problem is that he won't be able to cope with the additional work that being with a guy involves, such as coming out to family and friends (he is paranoid with other people think)...

I feel for him because i know he is not following his feeling and will be one of those guys that in 5 10 years down the road will regret!

If any guy here had similar experiences with other BI guys please share