Losing A Loved One

[MisterMagoo]

For the most of this year, I have been caring for my Mum.
She was suffering from nerve damage to her spine caused by an accident at her work place.

This gradually got worse and worse, until she was virtually housebound.
I moved Mum in with me, changed my home around to help her with her mobility, and eventually giving up my job.

A month a go Mum fell ill, and upon her doctor visiting, she was taken to hospital.
10 days later she passed away.
Mum had Upper lung Cancer, which spread to her liver, and then bone.

Nobody had any idea she had cancer.

It's been 2 weeks since she left us, and a month since she was home.
The funeral is on Monday.

I'm really struggling to come to terms with all this.
I've gone from spending 90% of my time looking after Mum, to suddenly having nothing at all to do.
I have friends, and my brother close by, but I feel so lonely. So lost.


Has anybody on here gone through similar, how did you cope?

[Jason111]

Hello. I am really, really sorry to hear about this.
I can't begin to imagine how I'd feel if my mom passed away.
Sadly, I do have similar experiences, one of the hardest being the death of my granny. I don't think I've ever fully gotten over it.

What I can say is that the best thing for you now is to grieve properly and try to keep memory of her in the best light possible. That is at least what I did.

My sincerest condolences. Stay strong

Xo

[knickerbuck]

i have yet to know what you are going through Magoo .. condolenes again and i hope i find the right words to say here but i do hope your mom died happy knowing that you her son never left her side in all this:

i kinda know you feel too i think .. we had a neighbor who i have considered a mother-figure .. she was a very kind and generous lady, she died of brain cancer at age 47.. her death saw my first mourning for someone very special.. so i kinda know how you feel .. just dont feel all hopeless .. death comes to us all and we just have to accept that reality .. just pray that your mom is in a safe place ..

[MisterMagoo]

Thanks guys.

Me and my brother were by her side when she passed, and I can honestly say it was the strangest, scariest, most traumatic experience either of us have ever had.

It's such a reality check to. Life can be taken at any moment.

I'm stronger than my brother, so I'm keeping my feelings bottled up, so I can arrange all of mum's affairs.
But when I'm alone at home, I feel awful.
Alone. Lonely, and guilty.
So guilty. About things I shouldn't and I know I shouldn't, but the mind plays tricks.

Anyway sorry for being such a downer, this isn't me, I'm normally a happy go lucky type.!

Thanks for reading this.

[Emiliano]

I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. The way you described it as strange scary and traumatic is how I feel too. I've lost three people who were very close to me, and each of them left major voids in my and my family's lives. None of their deaths were expected and I can remember feeling that sickening and surreal feeling when I found out.

The deaths themselves are traumatic, that moment of loss. But what I struggle with so much is the absence. How life moves on without them. It's a difficult thing to articulate, but I think people who have lost people they were close with know how I feel. I relate with feeling guilt too, definitely. Even when there's no reason to feel that way.

I don't deal with death very well, and I know there's nothing that can be said that helps. All I can offer is to let yourself feel all those emotions. Share them with others or keep them for yourself in private, but allow yourself to mourn. I think that's important rather than to try to numb yourself to the emotions. There's so much pressure to be positive and accept condolences and smile when people try to make you feel better. But it's ok to be sad too.

This is for further down the line for you, but I've written a lot of letters over the years to the people I've lost. That helps me. I'm not religious, death is final to me, so it's not like I imagine it as a way to communicate with them or anything like that. But it's more for me to just put feelings out of my head and on paper, and to in some way still honor and think about them.

[kindy64]

Sorry for your loss.

Give yourself, the time, and space to grieve.

Always remember the good things about her, and your time with her.

[MisterMagoo]

Thanks Kindy, that's exactly what I am trying to do.

Emiliano, I'm sorry for the loss you have also suffered, I wouldn't wish this kind of hurt on my worst enemy.

I understand completely what you mean, there really are no words that can express the feelings you feel, when you go about your daily life, yet in the back of your mind, your loved one is there.
For me it's the little things, like being able to watch TV at 7pm... where as before Mum would have her soap on.
It sounds silly, but it's that that's the hardest to deal with. The void.

I'm not religious either, but Mum was. The Minister holding the funeral mentioned to me about writing a letter and placing it in her hand to take with her.
I don't believe in that kind of thing, but I can see it would be a comfort.

[LJay]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. There is nothing else that hurts quite like the loss of your mother. I wish both you and your brother the gifts of sharing and strength in the days ahead.

[MisterMagoo]

Thank you Ljay.