Now dating

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I wouldn't get too hasty jumping on him, there might be more to his questioning whether he should leave him or not, mainly [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] 's points, I think those are valid but I think we need to know more about the internals of the relationship and some of the reasoning behind why his friends label him as a deadbeat and whether that is justifiable or not. Just need to hear more about it.

[kindy64]

2 dates seems barely enough time to get to know someone superficially, let alone know who they really are.

If you feel a connection, then give him a chance, but keep an eye on what he does with you.

[InbetweenDreams]

2 dates seems barely enough time to get to know someone superficially, let alone know who they really are.

If you feel a connection, then give him a chance, but keep an eye on what he does with you.

Details, that one one major detail I missed in the OP... Thought this was an ongoing relationship, not the 2nd date!

So...with that being said I stand with my original response! Helps not to speed read.

Anyway, I would still give it a go, just don't get involved in financially supporting him or feeling like you ought to pay for dinner all the time, things MUST be balanced. Things don't always have to be 50/50 but it should be pretty close.

[Darius]

All this after only two dates?? Haha

Seriously, you like him and he likes you. You treat each other well and like equals. I wouldn't be so quick to dump him, no matter what your friends so what we say. Don't be in a hurry to give your heart away, however. As long as he knows you won't let him use you for sex or money, get to know him and see if he is growing up.

Another thing....you are 26 and just came to terms with who you are. Give him some understanding and time. Then you will know if he is really a deadbeat of just late at taking life seriously.

Oh, and calm down, buddy.

[Cobalt]

My advice is do what you want to do and what feels right. If he treats you well and you can trust him as well as put up with his faults then keep him if you want to. Don't let anyone, EVER, tell you what to do in a relationship, not friends, family, whoever. Unless the relationship is abusive or totally immoral and/or illegal, it's your life.

[InbetweenDreams]

My advice is do what you want to do and what feels right. If he treats you well and you can trust him as well as put up with his faults then keep him if you want to. Don't let anyone, EVER, tell you what to do in a relationship, not friends, family, whoever. Unless the relationship is abusive or totally immoral and/or illegal, it's your life.

In most cases when I have listened to friends/family tell me what I should do things get messed up, on the other hand times I haven't listened to friends/family things got messed up....
[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] I'm borrowing your signature...


Read like Frank Zappa said it (because he did) then if that's not enough read it like Gordon Ramsay said it while pissed off...

[IanSaysHi]

I think things might be a little different over this side of the Atlantic but after leaving school I went to college (two years you do before uni). I hated it, and just wanted to work. No idea what I wanted to do. A friend told me they hated people like me, drifters who have no goals in life. My family all said I HAD to finish college.

Anyway after falling in love and being all over the place emotionally I quit college. I hated it. I didn't want to be there at that stage in my life. I obviously didn't go to uni either. I also had a lot of baggage from various things.

I moved to London, worked for a couple of years and met loads of real people from all walks of life of all ages. Then I returned home and knew what I wanted to do. I did night school and did subjects I now knew I was interested in. Whilst all my friends were in uni I worked hard, and past comments from people who'd put me down just made me want to do better for myself.

I spent the last couple of years working in marketing, gaining a promotion purely through hard work and determination. I managed to create a 1 month campaign resulting in a £3 million uplift in revenue. Sorry if this sounds braggy but I spent ten years constantly putting myself down but finally people were saying 'well done' and I felt I'd made my family, and myself proud. I have the best friends possible. Fair dos, I'm still single but maybe that'll fall into place someday.

Meanwhile the 'friend' who put me down all those years ago ended up quitting uni and in a completely different lifestyle than she'd planned. It sounds like I'm being bitchy written down, but what I'm trying to say this is however much people plan or tell you a certain life path is the 'correct' way, life is about LIVING and we're human beings, not robots. People mature at different rates, we all have different upbringings and all have different experiences.

I've met plenty of guys who aren't 'deadbeats' but they sure weren't gentlemen either. Follow what makes you happy.

[kindy64]

[MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION] - life is a journey, not a destination. we don't always know where it will take us.

[princealbertofb]

he's got a lot of baggage having no job, no high school diploma, and nothing to offer me except his undying love.
Wow, that sounds like an indictment! You know what? You can maybe help him to make his own life better too, and by that means also making yours better. Honestly, undying love is already a great gift (but it often doesn't last forever when you see some flaws that are difficult to put up with over long periods of time). You don't have to take his current situation as an unchanging situation, though.

Ok, so this guy has no diplomas? How about you try and encourage him to take up some further studies or to learn a useful trade of some kind? Methinks you could have some good influence on him if you know how to coax him. Keep your mind open, and help him keep his mind open to further education of some sort.