Hello boys and gals, I need your advice, so the more of you weighs in, the better.
There's this new guy I'm chatting with lately and he's super interesting. Well-traveled, smart and kind. Since works takes him all around the world, he's quite often in Serbia and we arranged to go on a date once he's here.
However, as we chat I notice he's pulling the "horny" card much too often and I'd really HATE if this turns out to be a one off or if we end up being fuck buddies. I don't want that.
How do I make him realize I want more than that? That is, how do I make him look at me differently i.e not as a potential one night stand.
Thanksssa
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If it was me, I would start the conversation with.... "Hey, I was wondering if you see me as a fuck buddy type of friendship, or if you see me as something that could be more than that?" Then move into a discussion from there (instead of just getting an answer and going "ok", you need to CONTINUE the discussion so you understand if he's sincere or not, etc).
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Bring up sex when you chat and let him know that you think sex is great but you would like to see yourself getting to know someone well before you jump in bed, that you think having friends who know you well is important. If he is smart, he will take the hint.
What Twist is saying makes sense, too.
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Are we to understand that this person is only an occasional traveller to Serbia? Because it that's the case, what are the chances that you could be anything more than fuck buddies, and the chances that you'd become a real couple? Now, I know that long distance relationships can work, because I'm in one of them, but I am also older and therefore I have nothing much to lose to be patient in my relationship. I think you might engage in the conversation that seems appropriate since you are not really interested in a one night stand.
However, since you have not really hooked up yet (sexually), there is no guarantee that you will actually fancy him, or that he will fancy you for longer than once. We never have that guarantee when we first meet someone. So I think a good discussion of what you're looking for out of this relationship would be the good way to go, but the fact that you are not in the same place and space for most of the time might make it difficult to uphold. What do you think, [MENTION=19061]Jason111[/MENTION] ?
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One sure way to find out if he only wants sex is not to give him any. It might be best to tell him before he arrives that sex is not going to happen and see what he says. If he disappears, you will know what he was after. Of course, he might show up thinking he can talk you out of your clothes when he gets there.
Either way, you are in charge of your body. Don't back down from what you want.
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[MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION], I'm afraid that most of what you said is true.
Thank you, everyone else. I guess I'll go with "I like to get to know a guy before we have sex" and see what happens. Yet, I don't want him to think that means I dislike him.
Even though we haven't met in person, I'm pretty sure I'll like him.
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I think your fears are more realistic than your hopes, sorry to say. Can you find anyone local to date?
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If he is as horny as he says he is, it's highly unlikely you are the only guy he tells that. As the old saying goes, he probably has a girl in every port.
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