Vegetarian boyfriend is driving me nuts

[Anonymous]

Well, sometimes I get really mad. Usually when I'm home from job and I'm so very hungry and he starts giving me his vegetarian wisdom. That pisses me off and sometimes I act furiously, yelling at him, I admit it. But I calm down quickly and then I talk to him calmly, explaining him why I got mad and that he's not respecting my life choices and that we shouldn't be having these arguments. He's glaring back at me as if I had committed a crime or something.

[InbetweenDreams]

Ok so while you have the right to be mad try not to lose your temper about it, but I think it needs to be brought up sort of out of the blue, not at the dinner table if you ask me. I don't know if it will really help but neither of you can keep on this way.

Try talking to him when nothing is going on and not right after a blow up...

[TigerLover]

Oh christ that's a serious lack of respect right there. Life is short and you can't let other people make you miserable no matter how much you care for them.

What I would do is sit him down and suggest that you should break up because you think he would be much happier with a vegetarian boyfriend. That might encourage him to grow up abit and ease off. Or it might break you two up but if he's willing to leave you over meat-eating then your relationship is built on sand anyway.

Or If you arent willing to risk a break up berate him for being a vegetarian. Tell him it's disgustingly unnatural. Use his arguments and whining verbatim to drive home your point, deadpan it. Yes it's childish and silly but all the better to drive home how silly and immature he's being. You're basically trying to hold up a mirror to him.

Hopefully a taste of his own medicine will make him realise how poorly he's been treating you.

But please don't judge him too harshly. You know people pick up these pet causes and they lose all sense of perspective. He's trying to do the right thing.

[Justme]

Sounds like your boyfriend likes to pick fights with you. I had friends who would start fights with one another over the smallest of things, just so they could make up with good sex.
Or your boyfriend thinks that he can change you. Everyone has something they dislike about the the person they're in a relationship with. There's always that one thing they wish they could change about you. But some go too far. Once they think they're secure in the relationship (like moving in together) they try to change that "thing you do." And that's probably why he didn't say anything before hand. He thought he could change your view on eating meat and you'd become a vegetarian just like him.

[Emiliano]

If it's a control thing, it's a bigger issue. But if it's just that he is a militant vegetarian maybe you could make a compromise? Like once a week have a vegetarian meal together, or try a meal with mock meat. Duck and spare ribs are both my favorite mock meats. Vegan cheese can be pretty delicious too.

I'm certainly not one to give relationship advice, but I grew up in a half vegan household, so that's where I'm coming from. I'm not saying stop eating meat, just that you don't need it for every meal. Ask him to cook for you sometimes, or find a new recipe and cook together. Make it a romantic night once a week to share a vegetarian meal. It seems like you want to work it out, so I think a compromise might work best.

I didn't eat red meat for a long time in my life (wasted years in my opinion now) but the same way that people are disgusted by the smell of smoke, I understand how people can be disgusted by the smell of meat. It would make sense that it would become an issue after you move in together. If the smells bother him, and his way of dealing with it is to passive aggressively shame you for eating meat, find out which smells bother him the most, maybe invest in an outdoor grill, or communicate to him when and what you're cooking. Brushing your teeth after a meal isn't an absurd idea - and if he sees you making little steps on his behalf, he might be inclined to loosen up on you.

One of my sisters, who is vegan, is married to a guy who is basically strictly a carnivore. So relationships like that can work, but it does take patience and compromise from both sides. Are his reasons strictly moral, or does he have dietary restrictions? Or trying to be healthy? If you don't know, talk to him about it - find out why it's so important to him. If you give him a safe, comfortable space to talk about his diet and why it matters, maybe he won't talk about it so much while you eat.

The bottom line is communication. It's important you make it clear that you eat meat and you enjoy it. But there's no need to let that be something that gets between you.

[LJay]

End the relationship. No discussion. No bargaining. No compromising.

Do exactly as he is doing. Take a stance and stick to it.

There is no reason that you should subject yourself to continuous stress over this issue. He is not going to alter his behavior and you should face that.

In ending the relationship you do not need to attempt to resolve any question of who is in the right or who is in the wrong. You simply have different views and they are irreconcilable.

It is sad that you must lose each other, but there really is no other way to handle it.

[artyboy]

It's up to you at the end of the day, but if you to decide to break up with him. Tell him the reason.

[InbetweenDreams]

End the relationship. No discussion. No bargaining. No compromising.

Do exactly as he is doing. Take a stance and stick to it.

There is no reason that you should subject yourself to continuous stress over this issue. He is not going to alter his behavior and you should face that.

In ending the relationship you do not need to attempt to resolve any question of who is in the right or who is in the wrong. You simply have different views and they are irreconcilable.

It is sad that you must lose each other, but there really is no other way to handle it.

Not sure I agree completely with you there, at least not yet. I do think the odds for success are slim but if we all just gave up at the first bit of trouble I think everyone would just be single. Not saying he should have to compromise but I think things can be addressed and can be dealt with in a positive manner without fighting and move on. It's food, it is both a major thing but also a minor thing. Me... I can eat whatever, I can go from Vegan to sushi to anything that ends with wurst but not everyone is flexible like that so just a matter of whether they can meet in the middle or not.

[CorsacReborn]

Those vegetables that he's eating were once part of living plants. I see no difference as both were part of something living. Your partner should be made aware of this too.

[bryyzy]

I would do that. If he's against eating living things. Chuck that piece of knowledge in his face. That will shut him up hahaha. If he's against eating living things. Doesn't have to have feelings to be living.