So I have been seeing a guy whose recently turned 29 since earlier this year (I'm 28). It kind of feels like a relationship, well more than a friendship. I provide for him, buy him food, underwear and stuff he needs, I am a fool but I enjoy it. We started fooling around earlier this year, he claimed he was straight, then weeks later said he was bi. So we've had a fair few sexual encounters until August and it just stopped. Sex occurred mainly on his terms, it wasn't just sex though as we were affectionate after. He was usually the submissive one. Between all this if you mentioned anything 'gay' he gets very defensive and then starts talking about women. Recently I mentioned about us not doing anything sexual and he said 'you have to stop being so gay, I'm not interested' when earlier this year he himself suggested if we could do this more. I am so confused by him. I like him more than as a friend and it feels like it, but now the sex has stopped, yet I still buy him gifts and spoil him. I just don't know if to leave it or hope he wants to start up the sexual encounters again. Thoughts and advice would be appreciated guys.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 9,477
Threads: 267
Joined: Apr 2012
Reputation:
2
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Scorpio
Mood: None
Metalmikey I am sorry to tell you this, he's jusing you for the gifts. Sex was just fun for him. He's playing with your feelings. You should forget about him and find some one who will treat you with respect.
An eye for an eye
•
It sounds like he may be keeping you around simply to use you. (or he truely JUST wants friends and in that case friends have no need to constantly "spoil the other" IE I have never bought my "friends" underwear :/).
If it makes you happy to do these things for him, then why not continue it? But I dont think he is REALLY that into you AND OR he is very uncomfortable being bi.
If I were you I would pull back allot, IE cease entirely or greatly limit communications find something/someone else since he insists you stop "being soo gay", if he wants to have something with you he will initiate communication. You must take him for his words and his actions not simply what you WANT him to be.
•
Posts: 12,280
Threads: 2
Joined: Oct 2015
Reputation:
1
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Libra
Mood:
Seems as if he's using you for what you provide.
And he also seems to not be comfortable with his sexual preferences.
In any case, any or all of the above will cause you hurt sooner rather than later...
•
Posts: 295
Threads: 9
Joined: Oct 2016
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
Starsign:  Gemini
Mood: None
Did he start having sex with a woman? If so, maybe he wants to put the gay encounters behind him. Or maybe he's just deeply mired in denial?
But telling you that you have to stop being "so gay" is offensive. I mean, he's basically telling you to stop being yourself.
And I'm sorry, but I need to ask --- is he a real friend, or does he stay around because you spoil him and buy him stuff? If you stopped doing that, would he stay around?
IDK, this is totally your call. Do you guys hang out, do things together, talk, have a real friendship? I mean, if he absolutely doesn't want sex, are there still things you do together that makes the friendship worthwhile?
I guess if it were me I wouldn't hang around hoping he might want sex again. It's your call, of course. But is this a real, two way friendship? Or just him, taking what he can get?
•
I have often thought since the sex stopped, what is going on. As we seen eachother daily, he'd come by after work and I would make his dinner for him and we'd just hang out. There are many things we do besides sex I class him as a good friend though I like him more so than that. We've climbed mountains, gone the cinema, usual things really. Recently his work moved area, so he doesn't pass mine now after work. And he has not came to see me at all. So I am beginning to think as most you say, was he using me to be fed, and be nice to get the odd gift. Since he doesn't pass mine now he'd be going out of his way from where he lives. Another thing is he will not do anything with me with his friends, friends which I also know, but he will not want me there.
•
Posts: 9,477
Threads: 267
Joined: Apr 2012
Reputation:
2
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: Scorpio
Mood: None
metalmikey Wrote:I have often thought since the sex stopped, what is going on. As we seen eachother daily, he'd come by after work and I would make his dinner for him and we'd just hang out. There are many things we do besides sex I class him as a good friend though I like him more so than that. We've climbed mountains, gone the cinema, usual things really. Recently his work moved area, so he doesn't pass mine now after work. And he has not came to see me at all. So I am beginning to think as most you say, was he using me to be fed, and be nice to get the odd gift. Since he doesn't pass mine now he'd be going out of his way from where he lives. Another thing is he will not do anything with me with his friends, friends which I also know, but he will not want me there.
As we have all said he's using you. I get the feeling that you like him a lot but for your own sake try to forget him. If you ever want to talk send me a PM I have been in the same situation as you have.
An eye for an eye
•
For the sake of argument, let's say he likes you and is interested in sex with you, but is also deeply in denial and guilt ridden when sex happens. Then the sex stops until he gets horny again. How long are you willing to put up with that kind of relationship? Stop trying to buy his affection with gift and meals.
Never let anyone walk all over you.
•
Posts: 5,805
Threads: 221
Joined: Nov 2015
Reputation:
7
I'm a : Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
Starsign:  Leo
Mood:
Sounds like he is in the closet and definitely using you. You definitely need to get away from that. I have been there, done that. I think we tend to put ourselves in that position. Sometimes giving is better than receiving because it feels good to make someone happy, whether it is giving someone a small gift, take them to dinner whatever it is. That's all well and fine but when someone is not even trying to be a decent friend, like intentionally playing with your feelings....that's when it is a bad thing. Sooner or later it will catch up with you and just leave you feeling used and abused.
So to confirm what everyone else is saying, get rid of them. It is ok to be critical of people, be friends with people who will treat you fairly.
"I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime"
Check out my stuff!
•
Dump him. He should definitly be able to provide for himself at that age.
•
|
![[Image: 05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp]](https://static01.nyt.com/images/2016/08/05/us/05onfire1_xp/05onfire1_xp-jumbo-v2.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp)
