OK, I admit it, I'm depressed.

[MikeW]

I don't even know that I want to talk about it. Do you understand how that is? You feel a certain way, a not good way, and you feel like you want sympathy or something... that maybe you want or even need to talk about it... but then again you feel so far down, so unpleasant, so unhappy with yourself and your life as it is, that you just DO NOT want to talk about it. It like I don't want sympathy, what I want is for this feeling, this uggy feeling, to just GO AWAY. I don't like feeling like this and I just want it to stop. But I also know I'm caught in it. Stuck in it. Yeah, sure, I can distract myself from it, do my laundry (which I'm actually going to do in a couple minutes), watch something on Netflix, start a thread on GS or w/e, but right now it just feels like whatever I do or don't do, it is NOT going to go away. No matter what I do or what I say or what anyone else does or says this 'depression' thing has got me and it ain't letting go.

I'm just not happy and that is that.

I'm even embarrassed to post such a topic. But its how I feel.

[InbetweenDreams]

Nothing to be embarrassed about... I definitely have issues with depression, not all the time and like you distractions help. I think we are more prone to be depressed if we have too much downtime but not always that simple either. I know exactly what you mean by feeling like you want sympathy but don't want sympathy.

I hate admitting my faults, when I cave in on a old bad habit...things that should have been long behind me. I feel that I possess the knowledge but lack the wisdom and sometimes the strength to I guess move on with things in my life. I mean I'm 30, live at home, people I went to school with are finished with college, married, have kids...they have a nice life... I feel that I can't get my shit figured out and feel like I'm acting like a teenager or can't find the sense of purpose.

The thing that gets me depressed is thinking too much about these and other things. Thinking is what gets me down when I realize the reality of what my life is and has been up to this point. I very much want to get on with things but I always have to wait, whether it is a relationship, moving out, career...paying off debt, etc.

I guess the big question is what is making feel depressed?

[jimcrackcorn]

Life can take a dump on us sometimes.

I'd love to give you a big ole hug, or take you out to some hilarious movie,,, but I'm too far away.

Best Wishes,
Jimerooo

[LJay]

Three points.

I. [From my Mother, so you had better listen carefully, understand?] Do something for someone else.
II. Exercise.
III. If it doesn't lift in a reasonable time, get some professional help. What that might be for someone living Berkeley, you will know better than I, but do it.

OK, a bonus point. You are too good a man to give in to this. Work hard. PM if you decide you DO want to talk. As you may have guessed, we care around here.

[Camfer]

Sorry you are feeling that way, [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]. Could the holidays or the time of year have anything to do with it? Some people feel depressed around the holidays and some people experience seasonal affective disorder around the winter solstice. Those things will pass. I hope you feel happier soon. PM me if I can help.

[deephiance]

Good on you for admitting it Mike, it's not always an easy thing to do especially with all the stigma attached to depression.

This is the first step towards working out where you will go from here, talking to your GP may be a good starting point.

[Doc]

Have a drink, I find that turning to alcohol always solves my problems lol But seriously we all have ups and downs in a few days you'll be on top of the world. My advice get a good meal, a hot shower, some rest, and get some work done around the house. Tackling your to do list will take your mind off of your sadness plus you get some stuff done.

[IanSaysHi]

Mike I think posting here was the best thing you could do, even just to at least vent how you're feeling. We're all supportive here and I think it's easier to discuss with us than the 'outside world' for want of a better phrase. I know that the stigma around depression is being chippped away but I think people still find it hard to tell others because unless you have visible wounds, there's that feeling people just think you're just making it up or they'll think you're just having a bad day.

From personal experience all I can say is the best remedy is: time. I'm sorry, it's not the best thing you want to read when you feel like you do but there's no quick fix (keep reading though because there is a happy ending!!!). You just have to weather the storm until things get better. You probably won't feel them getting better, it'll just happen in the background until that one day you suddenly realise you're having a good day, or you feel happy etc. However, there are things you can do to help speed up the recovery process, or make things easier for you.

1) Break routine. I know you say you can distract yourself by doing things like laundry or watching Netflix, but why not try doing something new ? Especially if it involves talking to people or getting out of the house. I know it can be hard to drum up the enthusiasm when you feel this but I found the worst thing I could do was stay at home. Short-term, staying at home feels safe and secure and you don't feel like talking to people or seeing people when you feel like this, but it's one of those cases where you have to force your body to do it. A few years ago I had to give up my job due to health reasons. I was stuck at home, my mind ticking over and feeling alone and down. The big part of me wanted to STAY like this and not get another job which sounds crazy now, but I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing people. However after a couple of months I just had one of those moments where I knew I had to make a change (and also earn money) so I got a job at a friend's place and very quickly discovered that meeting new people, making new friends, the busy environment and doing something new were making me myself again.. At home I was alone with myself which wasn't the best company. I'm not telling you to get a job, I am saying that anything you can find that gets you out of the bubble you may have created and talking to others will probably help.

2) What [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] said. One of my biggest triggers is the weather/change in seasons. Is there a reason I've left 90% of my previous jobs in October/November? Probably. Again, this is a time thing and you just have to bear with it. You can get all kinds of fancy lighting and stuff now to help but for me I just need the next day of sunshine.
There's also something that happened when I was younger this time of year that has always and will always affect Christmas for me. I don't get joy from it anymore. BUT as [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] / his mother says: I've turned that around by making it all about the people I know. I try to give them things/make Christmas as amazing as possible for them and THAT makes me happy. I'm not just talking gifts either which brings me onto:

3) A problem shared. As I've said, sharing here is a great way to let out how you feel. Is there anyone on the outside world you can talk to as well? I have a really good friend and she's gone through some s**t. Every time we meet up she'll ask how I'm doing and I'll share my problems - then I'll ask how she is and something will ALWAYS have happened to her that's worse. I don't mean that she tries to outdo me or is a drama queen, this girl is one of the kindest, loveliest people you could ever hope to meet but horrible things always seem to happen to her. So I'll then try and give her advice and despite everything going on we'll end up laughing about it all because you just couldn't make it up. And you really need to try and find those moments to laugh, even if it's at how s**t things can be. Laughter really is the best medicine.

4) Know it ends. I've had about three patches of depression in my life now. Most people won't even know I'm depressed because I don't want them to see it. I don't want them to think "whys he on a downer" which I'm sure they wouldn't but.. Well you know. Anyway the first time was the hardest because I didn't think there would be an end. I went to the doctors and they gave me tablets but I don't think they did anything. What did help was the doctor herself looking me dead in the eyes and saying "Listen. You WILL get out of this." She sounded so certain that it just gave me a spark of hope that I needed. Her voice went against everything I was telling myself.. When I reached that first month of being happy and content with life again I could look back and think "wow.. was that me?". However like I said, I had it flare up again twice more. BUT, now each time I knew I would get better, I knew it would come to an end at some point and that helped me through it rather than feeling despair. And from getting through it I now know what what made it easier to get through and that there was no magic switch that instantly turned it off, it was just bearing with it until that one day when you realise "I'm happy". Just tell yourself you will get through this, which you will.

I hope this helps.

[Cuddly]

Sorry to hear that [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]
Keep swimming and don't let the negative thoughts occupy your mind. Merry christmas ����

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time, man. I hope it eases up for you soon.