Should you take closeted gays seriously?

[deephiance]

Each to their own. People will always have their reasons for remaining in the closet.

I think it is tough being in the closet because essentially you have hide who you really are and that would be tiring for so many reasons.

[kindy64]

Silent and invisible is no way to spark social change.

Not everyone wants to be the match...

I think axle has it about right, if you don't want to be out, don't try to maintain a serious relationship.

[Darius]

There are closet cases and there are closet cases. If you are the kind that, for whatever reason, feel you can't/won't come out and don't get others involved in some pretense, then no harm-no foul. It is your life to live and ultimately, you are probably the only one to miss out on life.

But if you insist on hiding behind gfs or wives or take anti-gay stances just o protect your image, then stay away from me.

People make choices that affect the the happiness of themselves and others all the time. If you are happy being in the closet, then that is your business, not mine. I choose for myself, too.

[Justaguy]

I think coming out is different for everyone, some people never have to come out because they've never felt the need to hide, and some people struggle for years with coming out. I think both those kinds of people are no stronger or weaker because of that, but I do think that those who struggle coming out (whether mentally or due to societal pressures) are REQUIRED to be stronger than those to whom it came more easily. So yeah, I do think you should take closeted gays seriously, coming out for them won't be exactly how it was for you.

[Emiliano]

Not everyone wants to be the match...

I think axle has it about right, if you don't want to be out, don't try to maintain a serious relationship.

I understand that. But most want to enjoy the benefits of those who had the courage and took the risk to act as such. I am certainly grateful for the people who came before me and fought for the rights and privileges that I, and others of my generation and geography, could easily otherwise take for granted.

Again, I understand it's a personal choice and it's not my place to tell people how to live or what they should do. I would never out someone or pressure them to do something they were not comfortable or ready to do. But I also strongly believe that we cannot all depend on others to improve situations for us. Sometimes we must act to improve them ourselves and for those that come after us. And it's my personal inclination to vocally support and encourage empowerment over victimhood.

[LJay]

OP, if your friend stated it this way: All gay people MUST BE out. Would you agree? Wold it be proper that he alone make that decision? Matters of sexuality have long been considered personal and private. Why does you friend think that they do not need to be any longer?

[SilverBullet]

Im closeted to my family, there is no reason to not take me seriously though.

Personally I have this little bubble of an area, a few counties over I will hold your hand and kiss you in public.

But here, no, most of my family are religious, half of them are redneck(ie) in the bad way and to them gays are the scum of the earth. I have been told several times that gays are the downfall of america and were all going to hell for it and gays should just die off.

Soooo, needless to say, I graduate in a few months I will be in a different state within days after I graduate. I have allot more fun/relax when I dont feel like someone is about to cut my head off . My only regret is my significant other will not meet the majority of my family ever, but really he wouldn't want too.

All that being said, im still not going to prance around in a rainbow shirt and skinny jeans eyeballing other guys butts/bulges and talking about how cute every guy is. I dont see any of that as enforcing ones ideals nor do i see it as appropriate, just lack of self control, but I do like to hold hands , kissing is fine, and on occasion ill grab one guys butt PP.

[InbetweenDreams]

Not everyone wants to be the match...

I think axle has it about right, if you don't want to be out, don't try to maintain a serious relationship.

To clarify, not being out to some extent, it makes things very difficult. Living here in the southern US I have had to keep a lid on things with employers and family members in the past. It's one thing to not be out to a family member because of their attitudes towards gay people due to their religious beliefs and so on, but guys who are exclusively in the closet whether it is because of their fear about being gay or that they're in denial but want to say live a second life that to me isn't healthy and not fair to either one involved.

But no, I don't think it is a bad thing to not be out to everyone and in too many cases it is good to not be out to certain people. Plenty of gay teens have been thrown out in the street for being gay and coming out to their parents. I was really worried about how my dad was going to react and kind of surprised he took it well to be honest. I always feared that I was going to be thrown out.

[Darius]

SilverBullet, that was a great post. I'm not sure I'd say you were in the closet just because your family doesn't now. It's a matter of self preservation. You sound like you have it all-together, actually.
I wish you the best of luck after graduation.

[Darius]

Also, coming out is a process, not a one time thing. Not only that, but why does everyone need to know? The person who rings up my groceries has no need to know about my sexuality. But a girl who lets me know she is interested does.