Is it racist to have a dating preference?

[MHJG]

I can't fathom why people always emphasise "racism." I guess maybe there is a cultural difference.

In here, Hong Kong, racism seldom is a thing we concern a lot. I'm not saying it's not a problem, but we won't see a preference, a metaphor, or a friendly joke as racism.

We call white "gwai lo" in Cantonese, literally means ghost man, because they probably look pale. Also, we tell a joke about black people won't eat chocolate as they may accidentally bite themselves. I, personally, think they're just a nickname or a joke, and all these things are friendly. I don't mind people laugh at my race in a nice way at all.

To your question, a preference has nothing to do with racism. I love male, and it doesn't mean I discriminate female. Even I prefer to have a female friend instead of male one. "Racism" is a negative word while "like" is a positive one. You're racist unless you say I "hate" any one of races.

[himself]

In a broad sense, attraction / lack of attraction to certain ethnic groups could be influenced by racism (e.g. some ethnic groups are 'fetishised' and some are de-sexualised). Any racial bias in these situations is probably more of an ingrained thing in societies rather than an individual thing (if that makes sense).

[TigerLover]

If it is then logically being gay is sexist.

[Emiliano]

In some cases it is. No racial or ethnic group is a monolith - in behavior or in appearance and it makes me cringe, whatever the context, to see or hear people treat them as they are. I'm cringing now.

I think there's value in examining why you find certain races or ethnic groups particularly attractive or others non attractive. I do think there's more to it than just saying it's a preference and I disagree with comparing racial preferences with sexual orientation.

If this concerns you that it might be racist, you should think about where your preference stem from. What is it that is attractive to you about those groups? Is it based on stereotypes and assumptions of how Asian or Hispanic men are? How they look? Is it about associating them with other individuals you have seen or known? In what ways have you seen those groups portrayed? What have your previous interactions and experiences with people of those backgrounds been like? We don't always like to think about all the various things that influence our preferences and behaviors, the things we might not be fully conscious of that shape our opinions of others.

No one should feel obliged to be attracted to this or that, but thinking about why you hold those biases and where they stem from wouldn't hurt. We all have biases. I don't trust people who claim they don't. And if you find yourself having a racial bias, at least you can be aware of it.

[MHJG]

It depends if the thing is positive or negative. "Like" is positive so it has nothing to do with racism.

[Pix]

I recall seeing some black guys on YT who said they would only date white women, and what it came down to was that a white woman wouldn't call them on their crap. They'd be in for a rude shock were they to date a white woman like me. My BFF (black) is also mousy (but I'd be on their case if they even treated her badly because they felt they could walk all over her).

There does tend to be a stereotype that blacks are aggressive, people of Far East (and Southeast) Asia are submissive, and that quality attributed to them is what makes them attractive or uninteresting (same for why some are insanely attracted to, or repulsed by, smokers with tattoos, because of how they instantly image the person to be like). Not always, but often enough.

[larafan25]

It's just colours, shapes, sizes, etc...

The only reason the topic is contentious is because of the history in particular parts of the world, and labels.

That being said, there are always those who say "My favorite colour is BETTER than YOURS!".

Discrimination is inherent and probably valuable to us, as individuals.

[meridannight]

I can't fathom why people always emphasise "racism." I guess maybe there is a cultural difference.

In here, Hong Kong, racism seldom is a thing we concern a lot. I'm not saying it's not a problem, but we won't see a preference, a metaphor, or a friendly joke as racism.

It's an American thing. Their culture has grown pretty close-minded in recent years. They can't see the forest for the trees anymore and cry wolf a lot when there is no wolf.

This isn't a case in Europe either.

[cormeum]

It's not racist, you cannot choose who you like.

[NotHereForIt]

I don't consider it racist, but I personally feel uncomfortable sharing my preferences as I don't want to offend anyone and I feel like my opinion on this topic isn't so vital to society.

This man in my class (I take classes at a local college until I transfer) was hitting on me, then he went on to say "I don't find black guys attractive" (it had to do with a convo, do he didn't say it out of the blue), I just awkwardly laughed. One week later he asks me out and I replied "I thought you didn't find black guys attractive?" And he said "What does that have to do with you?".

So he thought I was Middle Eastern/Latin and didn't know Sudan was in Africa and said "Oh I still don't consider you black though." I guess not having a certain look can exclude one from their own race.