A Little Update from Jay

[Jay]

Hi guys,

It's been a while. I haven't been around GS because there are many things to sort out in real life. Hope everyone is doing well.

I just would like to share a little update on myself.

To anyone who knows me well in GS, I think they know that I struggled a lot in the past. In 2014, I had a depression due to my dad's health, career (I lost my job) and a broken friendship. It took me a whole year to bounce back from depression. And now, I'm better than ever. Going through depression helps me to become a better person; improved version of myself.

2016

Funny as I thought that I would have completed all of my surgeries by now. That was my goal in 2012.

In 2015, I went to see my surgeon as I would like to know the update of my last two surgeries. My surgeries have been cancelled and delayed a few times. According to my surgeon, I'm still on the waiting list at no. 7.

"...But even though you're at no. 7, it doesn't mean your surgeries will be performed on this year or next year. It will probably take another few years because we are giving priority to other critical patients like burnt patients and alike." He explained carefully.

I think he was able to see my expression changes from hopeful to disappointment.

I guess this is common procedure in a semi government hospital.

I was bothered by this but only for a while. Someone told to divert my attention to something else. Maybe other parts of my life can benefit from this. I've been focusing and worrying too much on the surgeries that I 'neglected' other parts of my life.

I still continue doing my weight training and eating healthily as usual. But I no longer wait for a telephone ring from the hospital anymore. I'm hopeful but I'm not holding my breath on it.

My last resort is to transfer my surgeries to another hospital. But most probably, the same thing will happen.

2016

I don't waste my time sulking on the surgeries, I do my best to fulfill my life with exciting things. It's a great time to rediscover myself.

So last year, I did something new; I took a week plus off from work to travel by myself. I'm a city boy so traveling all by myself outside the city to two islands back to back was a bit scary but exciting. I met other tourists from Germany, Japan and United States. And we become friends. At one point, we all traveled together. Then I departed from them to continue my single trip on those islands.

I also finally had the guts to learn to drive. I took a driving lesson (Manual) last year. I failed my first driving test. I retook driving test on the next week and passed it with flying colors. I have Manual and Auto driving license. I bought a car (auto). I had my first car accident; another driver hit the back of my car because she was doing something else. Anyways old story. I have been driving for almost a year now.

To Daz; I didn't get to chance to tell you that I was featured in the Men's Health magazine last year.

My weekly schedule is full with weight training and running. On Thursday, I do dance training in a dancing studio. On Saturday's evening, I do movie marathon by myself in a deserted cinema located behind my house.

Just like the previous years, I will be participating in a 10km long distance run on this March. It's not about winning. It's about recognizing my true inner strength and rediscovering myself.

Last year's 10km long distance run under the Standard Chartered Marathon was challenging and scary. My left injured leg was acting up badly for weeks before the run. Three weeks before the 10km run, I struggled to walk and to climb stairs for a week plus. But I'm known to be stubborn, I still came to the gym despite having injured leg with difficulty to walk.

I bought a foam roller to improve my leg injury. It helps a lot.

I was able to complete my 10km run. My injured leg cooperated well throughout the 10km run except on the last 200m. But I continued to run. I was happy to cross the finish line.

Last year, I also joined 100 Back Squats Challenge. I completed 100-Push Ups Challenge two weeks ago.

I also picked up my reading habit again. So last year, I read a lot of books. I don't have any specific genre but I have tendency to read history, mythology and also mystery. I read two books on North Korea, four books on the Holocaust, Jules Verne's A Journey to the Centre of the Earth, David Howarth's We Die Alone, Daniel James Brown's The Boys in the Boat and few others.

I'm currently reading David Grann's The Lost City of Z.

Status

I'm still single.

I have been approached by several guys in the gym and around my office area but I stepped back.

I've improved my confidence drastically but unfortunately I still hesitate to settle out with a guy because of my unfinished surgeries. I don't know what a guy's expectation from me especially because I'm not a regular guy. I mean, I was thinking ...what would a guy think if I take off my clothes in front of him knowing that I haven't finished my surgeries. I still have loose skins here and there .

I know it's a silly mindset and I hope I can overcome it soon.

I did say yes to a guy named Ken though. He is half Asian and half Hawaiian. We used to train in the same gym. Very nice guy. He approached me and asked me out. I said yes. But he suddenly quit the gym before we went out. He didn't mention about it and I didn't too. Few weeks later, my gym friend told me a video has been circulating in Facebook - about a gym guy humping another guy in one of the gym toilets. The video was caught by a gym staff.

I took a look at the video.

I recognized the guy. It was Ken with a twink.

Now it's understandable why he quit the gym in a hurry. He was still in the closet.

I stumbled into Ken few months later in a shopping mall as we live nearby. It wasn't awkward. I said hi and had a little chat with him. But I didn't mention about the video. Then I moved on with my life.

There are two guys in the gym saying hi to me now. I hope that I can find strength and confidence to give a relationship a chance.

2017

2016 was a great year to me but I hope 2017 will be greater. I would like to experience new things in this year.

By the way, I would like to take the opportunity to say million thanks to GS members particularly who knows me well for supporting me all this time. I appreciate your kindness.

Best wishes to our future.

Much love,

Jay

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=21041]Jay[/MENTION] glad to hear from you and that you're doing well. Send me some motivation lol

Very good to hear that you're doing well. I thought about maybe doing some running races sometime this summer but I haven't done any running here lately...

[Bookworm]

Hi Jay, I remember the struggles you've been through from past posts here, and it's great to see you maintaining the positive attitude despite all you've been through! You've achieved so much of those goals you set yourself! mile:

It's frustrating that you're still waiting for the surgery though, I hope you don't have to wait too much longer.

[deephiance]

Proud of you Jay, You have done well.

What issue of Men's Health were you in?

[Cridders88]

Good to hear from you Jay

Can't believe you are still waiting for the final surgery! Having had surgery to remove loose skin from my chest after weight loss myself, I know how surgeries can be put back as higher priority patients appear, but you have been waiting such a long time now, and certainly far longer than I ever did! I can see why you are losing hope of that phone ringing anytime soon, I truly hope it does for you very soon, you deserve it .

You do also deserve happiness with a guy Jay. You do have a lot of strength and confidence, so I am sure you will find a guy soon. There are guys out there that see past the scars and the loose skin, I've not had anyone be put off by the scars on my chest, and they are quite obvious. I do have a bit of loose skin elsewhere (though nowhere near as bad as my chest was), and it is easy to build it up in your head that no-one is going to see past that. But you clearly have a whole lot more to offer Jay

[Darius]

Hi Jay, I too have followed your story. You are too open about your life and your body not to share with a guy you liked just what you have shared with us. It's not like the guy would be surprised by your naked body if you have discussed it with him. I can't imagine there are not some guys who would not more depth of character to overlook what you consider to be flaws. Guys might be looking for physical perfection with a one night stand but someone who wants more than that is likely to be a decent understanding guy, don't you think?

Is the long wait for surgery just part of living in Kuala Lumpur and the shortage of doctors who do this kind of surgery? It's basically reconstructive surgery, right. Maybe they can forego circumcising a few hundred baby boys and do you?? Haha

[Jay]

glad to hear from you and that you're doing well. Send me some motivation lol

Very good to hear that you're doing well. I thought about maybe doing some running races sometime this summer but I haven't done any running here lately...

[MENTION=23180]InbetweenDreams[/MENTION]

I'm not good at motivating people. But let me tell you something based on my experience, time waits for no men therefore do whatever you want while you still can. Whatever you do, do it for you and not to please anyone around you.

I realize that my only limit is myself. I discovered a lot of great things about myself after I lost my weight.

My upcoming marathon is on the 11th March 2017. Do you know what was the first thing that comes into my mind after I signed up for the marathon? ... "Are you freaking nuts, Jay?"

I thought it's kind of hilarious that part of me having a conflict to join this marathon because it's a much more challenging marathon compare to the last year's marathon. This year's marathon requires me to run uphill like 90%. Good way to kill my calves.

But like I said, my only limit is myself. I'm not going to allow fear to conquer me. I know I can complete this year's marathon because I believe in myself.

Hi Jay, I remember the struggles you've been through from past posts here, and it's great to see you maintaining the positive attitude despite all you've been through! You've achieved so much of those goals you set yourself!

It's frustrating that you're still waiting for the surgery though, I hope you don't have to wait too much longer.

[MENTION=13244]Bookworm[/MENTION]

Frankly it's disappointing because I have to wait for god knows how long but at the same time, surprisingly, I'm kind of okay with it. Maybe because I'm so used of waiting and additionally because I realize that I have other things to focus on in my life as well. I have other major things in my life that need my attention too. So I can't sulk for the rest of my life because of the incomplete surgeries.

Proud of you Jay, You have done well.

What issue of Men's Health were you in?

[MENTION=24118]deephiance[/MENTION]

Arrr. Thanks Daz. I think I have grown a lot in the past few years. I think I have improved a lot; especially on handling my emotion. At least I hope so.

It was in Men's Health Malaysia edition. January 2016 issue. I was quite emo in my interview but it was part of growing, I guess. The interview/photo shoot session happened after i recovered few weeks from my depression. But I didn't tell anyone about that.

Good to hear from you Jay

Can't believe you are still waiting for the final surgery! Having had surgery to remove loose skin from my chest after weight loss myself, I know how surgeries can be put back as higher priority patients appear, but you have been waiting such a long time now, and certainly far longer than I ever did! I can see why you are losing hope of that phone ringing anytime soon, I truly hope it does for you very soon, you deserve it .

[MENTION=22727]Cridders88[/MENTION]

Well to my relief, my overall body looks better than before surgeries as I have completed half of the surgeries.

Previously I did my chest, arms and waist/stomach. So my upper body looks okay now. But the thing is I continue to lose fat percentage after I did my surgery on my waist/stomach so now my stomach becomes loose again. So I have to redo my stomach and remove a little bit of loose skin at my back.

I also have to remove loose skin at both inner thighs.

Other parts of body are okay.

So while waiting for my surgeries, I will continue to improve my physical and reduce fat percentage.

You do also deserve happiness with a guy Jay. You do have a lot of strength and confidence, so I am sure you will find a guy soon. There are guys out there that see past the scars and the loose skin, I've not had anyone be put off by the scars on my chest, and they are quite obvious. I do have a bit of loose skin elsewhere (though nowhere near as bad as my chest was), and it is easy to build it up in your head that no-one is going to see past that. But you clearly have a whole lot more to offer Jay

I hope so, Cridders. I'm not fussy. I just hope I can find a guy who can understand what I went through and accept me as a I am.

Few years ago, I had issue with self acceptance due to my stretch marks, my face, leg injury and so on. But I have overcome them all. I'm now able to love myself as it is. So worse come to worse, if I can't find a guy who can love me as I am...it's okay because I still win. At least I'm able to change myself from hating myself to loving myself. That's a big thing to be happy about.

But of course, it would be a great bonus to find someone.

Hi Jay, I too have followed your story. You are too open about your life and your body not to share with a guy you liked just what you have shared with us. It's not like the guy would be surprised by your naked body if you have discussed it with him. I can't imagine there are not some guys who would not more depth of character to overlook what you consider to be flaws. Guys might be looking for physical perfection with a one night stand but someone who wants more than that is likely to be a decent understanding guy, don't you think?

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION]

A little pressure comes from my gym because in overall, I look like I have great physique from head to toe (Until I take my clothes off). Many gym members praised me so. So I guess the pressure builds up from everyone's expectation on me. I don't tell anyone in the gym about my weight loss history. Maybe I should have so that everyone in the gym can lower down their expectation a bit.

But lately I have stepped up my game a bit to 'wake' them up; to tell them that I'm not perfect. I now wear sleeveless t-shirt and shorts to gym. Showing long scars under both arms, stretch marks and also my injured leg. At first I was embarrassed to wear sleeveless tee and shorts but then I thought, fu*k it. Few gym members do stare but like I said, fu*ck it. I don't care.

Guys might be looking for physical perfection with a one night stand but someone who wants more than that is likely to be a decent understanding guy, don't you think?

True, Darius. I guess I'm not being fair to assume that every guy only cares about physical perfection. My assumption comes from my fear of being rejected, I think. I'll be fair. I will allow guys to come in. I'll talk to them and see where things will lead us to.

Is the long wait for surgery just part of living in Kuala Lumpur and the shortage of doctors who do this kind of surgery? It's basically reconstructive surgery, right. Maybe they can forego circumcising a few hundred baby boys and do you?? Haha

Government and semi government hospitals are short with specialist. Majority of specialist that worked in gov hospital have left for private hospitals due to higher wage etc.

My previous surgeon who did my first three surgeries did the same thing.

In 2013, I was admitted into hospital for my fourth surgery. I was informed by a doctor that my surgeon wasn't feeling so well so he probably will cancel my surgery. I said okay.

A nurse confirmed the cancellation on the next day. My surgery has been cancelled. My surgeon came to my ward and he pulled the bed curtain to have a private conversation with me.

He apologized because he was having a fever so he didn't want to infect me or something like that.

Then he dropped the news.

"I'm resigning and will work in a private hospital. I want you to come with me. I want you to complete your last surgeries in my new hospital." He said.

Two problems. He's moving to a different state. Private hospital cost thousands.

So I had to decline. And you know what happened afterward. Cancellation after cancellation. Delay after delay.

P/S: I'm not planning to be active in GS anymore as I'm working to sort out many things in real life. But I'll be around from time to time. I don't have Facebook (Deleted but was told it's still alive) but I do have Instagram, where it works as my journal instead of selfie account. Sometime I wrote long essay along with a photo. I talk about my weight loss story, bullying, self acceptance etc.