03-10-2017, 04:23 PM
My boyfriend recently admitted that several times over the past year, he may have had sex with other guys while he was drunk. He is not saying he did have sex, but admits it may have happened while he was blacked out. He simply can not recall if anything happened or not.
His drinking has slowed down, and the last several months have had very few episodes of out of control drinking. He is toying with the idea of attending AA meetings. I know that's not something I can push him to do, he has to want to get better.
The past 2 weeks he's been almost 100% sober except for 1 night where he had a glass of wine. He has been opening up a lot in the past 2 weeks about a number of things regarding our relationship. He has a lot of inner doubt with regards to what makes him happy, what he wants in life, and where he sees us going. He loves me, wants to be with me, but it doesn't match the fantasy he's had when growing up.
So, although it hurts to find out he may have done this, putting himself in places where this was a possibility, I am willing to give him a pass on previous possible infidelity. There are a number of other reasons I'm not going to state here, to stay anonymous. The behavior is not "out of bounds" for what has happened to him in the past.
Right now, I'm just not sure how to rebuild the trust I had in him. I always had suspicions about his nights out with friends, but always brushed those off, since we always stated that we'd be open and honest about everything. When I'd ask him about what happened, it was always, oh I cuddled with him, but that's all.
He says his possible infidelity has been a motivation for giving me permission to seek sex outside our relationship. Something which I only lightly considered, rejecting it because I can't see having sex with anyone else if we do not have a healthy sexual relationship between ourselves. And I have a great desire to have sex with him, he is always the one denying it to me. I've never given him permission to see sex outside our relationship. I've always told him being in an open relationship, or even just inviting another guy into our bedroom, is something that may occur when our relationship is on more solid ground.
Any advice would be appreciated.
His drinking has slowed down, and the last several months have had very few episodes of out of control drinking. He is toying with the idea of attending AA meetings. I know that's not something I can push him to do, he has to want to get better.
The past 2 weeks he's been almost 100% sober except for 1 night where he had a glass of wine. He has been opening up a lot in the past 2 weeks about a number of things regarding our relationship. He has a lot of inner doubt with regards to what makes him happy, what he wants in life, and where he sees us going. He loves me, wants to be with me, but it doesn't match the fantasy he's had when growing up.
So, although it hurts to find out he may have done this, putting himself in places where this was a possibility, I am willing to give him a pass on previous possible infidelity. There are a number of other reasons I'm not going to state here, to stay anonymous. The behavior is not "out of bounds" for what has happened to him in the past.
Right now, I'm just not sure how to rebuild the trust I had in him. I always had suspicions about his nights out with friends, but always brushed those off, since we always stated that we'd be open and honest about everything. When I'd ask him about what happened, it was always, oh I cuddled with him, but that's all.
He says his possible infidelity has been a motivation for giving me permission to seek sex outside our relationship. Something which I only lightly considered, rejecting it because I can't see having sex with anyone else if we do not have a healthy sexual relationship between ourselves. And I have a great desire to have sex with him, he is always the one denying it to me. I've never given him permission to see sex outside our relationship. I've always told him being in an open relationship, or even just inviting another guy into our bedroom, is something that may occur when our relationship is on more solid ground.
Any advice would be appreciated.