What is a best friend?

[Confuzzled4]

So my views are becoming a bit more nuanced and refined as I get older. I want to know what a best friend is to you? Does your actual best friend measure up to your definition? I'm a little lost with this question.

[sillyboy86]

Friendship is a huge theme that came to me every now and again.
To be honest this is not the period, for me, I use to spend a lot of time thinking and philosophizing about it, but during the very recent months I'm just trying to live friendship without struggling too much.
I know who my friends are and I know if i am a real friend to them.
Especially cause I've got flaws as a friend, not too easy to deal with me, maybe.

But: I'm saying this cause I'm curious to see the next posts in this topic.

[deephiance]

someone that treats you with the same love and respect that you treat yourself, someone that you want to treat with the same love and respect you treat yourself.

[MHJG]

I read some wise, old proverbs during the study of Chinese language and culture at school.

君子之交淡如水，小人之交甘若醴。
Friendship with a gentleman is light as water; friendship with a weasel is sweet like wine.
It means friendship with those 'friends' you always spend time with could be fragile. True friends don't require to see often. My best friend and I don't meet and talk much, and our friendship seems 'boring', but I know he is the one who will offer me help unconditionally if I'm in need.

久不相見聞流言不信
Never believe the rumours of your friends you did not see for long time.
I agree with that too. I know what kind of person my best friend exactly is. I trust him too.

[James]

my definition? Someone who will drop what they are doing and come to help you if the situation is dire. I have 4 people left that I back that way that are not immediate family. Used to have 9 but age takes it's toll. They also would spend hours talking to make sure that their friend was not in a bad place, just my thoughts and memories, peace

[Confuzzled4]

I too have felt a friend is someone you can always rely on, but lately I sort of haven't felt that way with many of them. That they're too busy with their lives or I'm a burden to them, but I can't tell if it's me or them. My best friend I talk to everyday, but there's times I feel she's unapproachable about certain topics.

[deephiance]

sometimes you have to stop wondering if you are the problem, change the way you think

[Cowboy]

someone that treats you with the same love and respect that you treat yourself, someone that you want to treat with the same love and respect you treat yourself.

I guess you dont have one, because you dont treat anyone with respect.

[Confuzzled4]

Deephiance has a different approach, he says what's on his mind. I have a friend Yuriy who does that, doesn't make me dislike him. Sometimes brutal honesty is part of being a good friend, had my former best friend done that upfront it would have saved us both a lot of heartache.

[meridannight]

So my views are becoming a bit more nuanced and refined as I get older. I want to know what a best friend is to you? Does your actual best friend measure up to your definition? I'm a little lost with this question.

A friend is a soul mate.


And no, I don't feel that I have friends anymore. I do have a ''best friend''. We met in college, have known each other for ca 13 years now. We still call each other 'best friends'' but I feel that it's only in the name. We barely see one another anymore and we live only 20 mins away from each other. I know as much about what's going on with him as I do a random acquaintance I happen to meet by chance and catch up with. Our conversations now, everything -- the whole interaction between us -- it's become so superficial and feels totally empty. And I don't know how to make it better.

I have one other friend besides him, but he lives in a different city, and well, that's that. Barely see or talk to him either.

I pursued friendship with this one guy a while back, who I felt very strongly about, and that didn't work out. He said all the beautiful things to my face while his actions were something completely different.

There's another guy that's close to my heart right now, but that's going nowhere as well. And I've tried, countless times already.


So, none of the relationships I have measure up to even half of my definition of what a friendship is. And I know I am not an easy person to get along with for some people. But those that I call friends, people I have connected with, whom I love and care about -- that's not the case with them.


I don't have anybody. I'm on my own.