Hello guys, i have a huge socialising problem only in my town. After i stopped hanging out with my 3 school buds i cant find other boys to hang out in my hometown. But it wasnt bothering me so long because i was in college in another city. I was staying in student dorms so boys were talking to me all the time, they were inviting me in bars clubs, we had a lot of sleepover nights where we were sleeping all together etc. Now after graduation i returned in my town and since 2015 i have a problem making aquaitances. The thing is everywhere i go, in my village, in another city, in the train, in the islands i can meet people within 3 minutes easily. In France 3 men asked me to dance in one night at a str8 bar. In my town i've been in 3 seminars, i've met 60 people, i went a trip to france with another 20 classmates from the seminars, i ve met a lot of men at work, but the thing never moves forward out of work, out of seminars, out of trip. They all say come on lets go out for a drink, a coffee and when i say yes the disappear. And they bump into me in the street and dont talk me. They turn their head from the different direction and leave.I ve tried it a lot, im gentle, funny, well dressed nice looks but always something stands between and blocks me. I have a family friend and he was a loner too. He went into one seminar and he met one popular guy who introduced him in his party and he became popular too and has 200 aquaitances from one single guy. And i have met 60 people and nothing. I met this popular guy, he liked me, i liked him, talked with everyone in his party but my friend had to leave so i left too because i didnt know them too well. Next time my friend invited me but i couldnt make it and since then my friend doesnt invite me when he goes out with his other friends. My city is full of bars and clubs i see everywhere beautiful men go out and have fun, and i wonder how come they know each other, laugh and when i try to talk to someone the only thing i get is a fierce look. I ve noticed that all the people i like dont like me. EG i went to the grocery store with my 65 year old aunt. In the street 8 neighbours greeted her even though she was in bad mood and the same people who know me since i was 4 years old when i pass the street they turn their heads away and they dont even say hi. If i greet them they dont look me and they spill a boring he...And this is driving me crazy. How come people are accepted as they are and i dont? I wanna meet boys and have sex but i dont know the way. Eveyone is unapproachable. I dont have any patience. Plus i see some of my old friends having anyone they want even for coffe, sex, relationship and i cant even have a single coffe. How am i gonna succeed to meet boys, have sex or relationships when i cant have them to meet me? An im getting jealous. And there's social media. All of my friends have 100-400 likes on fb profile photo, hundrend of comments saying you're hot, the best, Stud, or you rock girl and i have only 20-40 just likes without comments. Eg my bold-fat cousin has 200 likes from fit nice men and they commentate to him you're the best. What does he have that i dont? That's why my self esteem is low. And i hate my life. And i hate other people. And i hate everyone who is happy...................We all need good energy. If i cant receive good energy from compliments how can i be positive ? We dont produce positivity. We receive it. Im trying to solve the problem but i cant. Any ideas?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Your friends turn their head away when they encounter you on the street. It's not normal. Do they hate you or what? If I notice not just one or a few but many of my friends do the same thing, I'm sure there must be something wrong with me. I don't know you well so you better ask your close friends about that.
Forget about the social media. Never care about those likes or comments; real confidence doesn't stem from them. Personally speaking, Facebook and Instagram are like a showing-off platform to me. Many people love to post something they want to brag about, and that's why they are always 'happy'. Being jealous is normal human behaviour. I don't even use Facebook and Instagram now because I don't want them to affect my thinking and emotion. Some people say you can get many information or news from social networking. I think most of them are wasting time.
From the neuroscience perspective, you definitely have the ability to produce positivity. Your brain changes itself when you make an effort. People who are confident, assertive, and positive receive compliments. But the most important thing is they remain the same if there is no compliment.
•
Your friends turn their head away when they encounter you on the street. It's not normal. Do they hate you or what? If I notice not just one or a few but many of my friends do the same thing, I'm sure there must be something wrong with me. I don't know you well so you better ask your close friends about that.
My behaviour is always the same and nice to everyone. That's why im surprised. If i knew i wouldnt be posting in here  eg There was a guy from my english class we used to hang out, whenever i was seeing him in the city centre i was transporting him with my car to the class in the suburbs. We talked on the phone about the exams and he always was saying hey lets go out. I said ok whenever you have free time call me and we'll go out. He didnt call. I didnt call. One year later I bumped into him on the street where he was trying to avoid me. I talked to him and he was irritated and in full irony. There's another girl that lives across the street and we were classmates. A lot of times i had lent her my books to read and pass the exams. Whenever i was seeing her she always was talking to me for about a 10minute. Suddenly after 7 years one day i saw her in a cafeteria she saw me and turned her head around. I went to greet her and she barely talked me. Then i left and whenever i see her i dont talk to her either. I asked them but they didnt help. Because they are socialised they say to me " Dont care" and change subject.Also everyone comes to me when he has break-up problems, or when he doeesnt have anyone to go out. But when i want to go out all these people that were clinging to me are busy because they have something better to do.
I know fb is a game but it is very addictive and i dont delete my account because i can communicate with my family, friends from another cities or relatives. I think that facebook boosts self esteem and creates arrogance. If you have 400 likes in a profile photo and 58 commments saying you're hot, the best bro, I love you etc eventhough if you are humble you may feel like a king. Yesterday out of a sudden one of my old classmates send me message saying "oh you have very little likes and all the same people commentate haha" and he ruined my mood. I answered him of course "check your eyes because you dont see too well" . Then i asked him "Are you alone"? He replied yes. Then I said it's too bad irony having so many likes but nobody wants to spend the night and sleep with you haha"
Really ? How is this possible to produce possitivity if all things in your life take the low road? with meditation or YOGA?
•
Mostly you change things by adopting a more positive attitude.
I'm wondering how much your local culture is affecting your success out in public.
Some people just look mean or bitchy by default. Are you smiling when you meet and greet people?
•
There's also one more thing that drives me crazy. I dont do this but everyone does it to me. I behave nicely but other people dont . And i want to stop it. Eg My friend invite me for an out on monday night. I send message 5 hours before the arranged hour to confirm it. And the other person doesnt reply. I see that he has read the message an hour ago and the doesnt reply. And then i send "because something urgent came up and maybe i cant make it tonight" and bam in 3 secs he replies "Do you want to schedule it for another day?" They behave nicely only with the fear of losing me? Actually they just induce me to behave them arrogantly and bad, because when i treat them well they ignore me. They get bored. I cant cope with that. I have a more simple brain. I want honesty. My word is a contract and i want when someone says something to do it. Otherwise dont say it.
•
[MENTION=24273]bromance17[/MENTION]
I really can't comment on your friends' behaviour. I'm sure some of them are immature and impolite. If you're sure you didn't give your friends bad feeling before, ignore them.
About the positivity, I just share my experience. The past year I had a really stressful life. To stay positive, I read other else successful stories and believe I can be one of them. It gave me hope and motivation. You can say I'm trying to learn from others.
Also, I do regular exercise to shape myself both mental mind and physical body. You definitely can do meditation and yoga (I want to try them too lol). My mood is better, and my body is healthier. Even I didn't become noticeably muscular. People can see that I feel better and more confident. This is what my friends told me.
I find my interests too. I draw, practise calligraphy, and read books about things I like. I'm an introvert, and I know I don't need many friends next to me. Sometimes I think knowledge gives me positive thinking and confidence. I always feel awkward when many strangers around me like when I'm taking the train. Once I read my book, I forget anything outside the books. Overall I just feel better.
I'm not sure my experience is relevant haha... I hope you can get some idea.  mile:
•
Posts: 734
Threads: 14
Joined: Feb 2011
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Cancer
Mood: None
If you make a friend several years ago, wasn't really that close, and then stop contacting during all those years, it's not shocking they become distant.
where is your home town and where do you come from exactly ?
Btw it would be nice if you can make paragraphs and organize your passage a bit. It is tiring to read.
•
kindy64 Wrote:Mostly you change things by adopting a more positive attitude.
I'm wondering how much your local culture is affecting your success out in public.
Some people just look mean or bitchy by default. Are you smiling when you meet and greet people?
Yes Im smiling to everyone i greet. But most are afraid of smiling and dont reciprocate. Local attitude?Hmm..People in my hometown are petty. They look at you sideways and not directly. EG when i was in a smaller city in college people were greeting me from 3 meters away. Most of them i didnt even remember who they were and still were saying hey man have a nice time, smiling and laughing. As for these who suddenly stopped talking to me i dont talk to them either.
•
[quote=seeking]If you make a friend several years ago, wasn't really that close, and then stop contacting during all those years, it's not shocking they become distant.
where is your home town and where do you come from exactly ?
Btw it would be nice if you can make paragraphs and organize your passage a bit. It is tiring to read.[/QUOT
They live in my neighbourhood and all those years they were greeting me all the time. Thats why it seems bizzare to me. I didnt know them and then we got lost..
the whole passage is one paragraph.It wouldnt be neccesary to further classification!!!
•
Posts: 2,698
Threads: 34
Joined: May 2014
Reputation:
0
Starsign:  Capricorn
Mood: None
bromance17 Wrote:the whole passage is one paragraph.It wouldnt be neccesary to further classification!!! Actually, you're quite wrong about that. A lot of what you say doesn't make any sense. If you are as irritating in person as you are in one single post, no wonder people are ignoring you.
.
•
|
Socialising Problem!!
