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[IanSaysHi]

The stress of their happiness, and everything our family has been through in the last year - divorce, my father's death, my brother's suicide, etc - it has been a lot for us, but also a lot for B to walk into.

This quote made me so mad. I'm not mad at you directly Sherlock, well I kind of am, but not in a nasty way. I'm mad you could have all that stress and worry and somehow say it must be hard for HIM to walk into?? From speed reading through all the posts above he's walked into some kind of free ride with plenty of lies and excuses - you don't need to start making excuses for him!!

I know it's nice to have good company but trust me, there are people out there who'll be good company AND PAY RENT.

I really wish you the best. I know I sound like a bitch, I'm sorry.

[Darius]

You didn't sound like a bitch, Ian.

We are all flawed human beings and we bring that imperfection into our relationships. Most of them are not fatal to that relationship. However, some people bring total dysfunction along with them.
This needs professional help and hard work. Sherlock's guy also sounds like a user.
Sherlock, you are a grown man, you can live with the consequences of your choices.
Your children shouldn't have to.

[Sherlock]

Ian, I didn't take offense in the slightest. Thank you

[kindy64]

Keep him on a very short leash monetarily, protect your assets

[Cuddly]

The sex thing would be a deal breaker for me. I think you should break up. You're not a sugar daddy, they get laid. You're 49% doormat, 51% parent of 4.

Is he really worth it?

[Alvin]

What you said can be boiled down to this question:

Which one do you believe, what he said or what you found out?

[Sherlock]

Yesterday evening we had a long chat. I said (probably more drama queen than I'd like to admit):
"I should just kill my sex life off - I'd be a lot happier. I'm 50 years old and trying to be sexy is mutton dressed as lamb".
B said: "It isn't you. It's me. I'm just not able, mentally, physically, or emotionally"
He also said "You get grumpy not having sex these last 9 months - and the grumpiness puts me off sex even more. The more you want it, the more I don't want to give it"
The most disturbing thing he said was: "I don't give you emotional intimacy because you can't disassociate intimacy from sex. If I'm emotionally intimate, you might want sex and then get despressed when I reject you".
I'm embarrassed it has taken 8 months of constant rejection for me to finally realize there will be no sex life. Now I must decide if I can face being alone with 3 kids and 2 jobs, or just settle for his good companionship.

[kindy64]

Well, not having a leech attached to your life will probably make it easier for you to have 3 kids, and you might end up not needing 2 jobs.

I'm hesitant to attribute motives to other people, but it sure sounds like he's a player. If 8 months isn't enough time to form some emotional attachment from him to you, then what do you believe another 8 months will show?

Don't believe that you'll end up alone, or that you have to "just settle" for companionship without sex. You are not that old, you have your life going for you. Get out and do stuff to meet new people.

[Sherlock]

The odd thing is, I was a celibate monk for over 10 years. I was able to suppress sexuality completely from 19-29. Now, I'm 50 and I find it nearly impossible to suppress the drive. I'm told I'm not unattractive, I have a PhD, 3 great kids I've raised on my own, and the confidence that I achieve my goals. Yet, the men I find attractive are seldom notice me. But I'm not sure if that's because I'm an introvert or just impervious.
Hookups always leave me feeling empty because of the disconnection of affection. How to grow old gracefully while not giving up - that is the question.

[TigerLover]

The odd thing is, I was a celibate monk for over 10 years. I was able to suppress sexuality completely from 19-29. Now, I'm 50 and I find it nearly impossible to suppress the drive. .

Well yeah because you threw away your sexual prime missing out on a tremendous amount of fun, intimacy and affection. You may have dominated that part of your mind and silenced it but you didn't remove it's needs they just kept mounting up while you ignored them. What you've got my friend is a massive affection debt. Now the bills come due and it's time to pay up.

You've done a milder version of the same thing as all those guys who were in denial throughout their youth. You know the ones, you can find them on craigslist offering to pay 18 year old boys to let them perform oral on them.

I'm told I'm not unattractive, I have a PhD, 3 great kids I've raised on my own, and the confidence that I achieve my goals. Yet, the men I find attractive are seldom notice me. But I'm not sure if that's because I'm an introvert or just impervious.

No I think it's probably more to do with your blatant lack of self-respect. That sort of vulnerability can be adorable and enticing in a young man but it ages very poorly.