Would You Date A Guy Who Has A Kid?

[meridannight]

You're talking about my husband...him not wanting me on this site was another red flag that I shouldn't have ignored, he was trying to isolate me. He wanted a child badly...until he got one...then, he resented the time and attention I gave her. He became emotionally and then physically abusive and we separated. I was awarded full physical custody of our daughter...he was granted supervised visitation, but fucked it up royally, so now has no access to her. The court ordered him to do certain things before he can reapply for visitation, but he hasn't bothered. So my daughter and I are currently living a peaceful life and things are much better...it got pretty bad at times, but it was all worth it because it gave me my daughter.

BTW, you have a good memory, that was around 2 years ago when I left!

Uh, sorry to hear about that. I was hoping it worked out for you with him. Hopefully you'll find a more compatible partner. I'm sure you think it's worth it because you got a daughter, but still, it sucks when people that are supposed to be there for you turn out to be something else instead.

Has it really been 2 years since you last were on this site? Feels a lot less than that to me.


Great to see you again, by the way.

[NativeSon]

Well, I suppose it would depend, but if you're looking for black and white, then HELL NO.

For various reasons. Obviously, the most glaring being: "if she needs me, everything and everyone else is secondary." Would you date a guy who has a kid(s)?

I prefer a partner in crime. Most of the things I enjoy, (late nights, travel, adventure in general) aren't exactly kid friendly let alone toddler friendly. I'm not looking to be an insta-daddy.

Would you care to explain why and how you became a parent?

[NativeSon]

I do love Disneyland.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I considered this a long time before coming back here to post.

If I was single, I'd be happy to have a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy that has kids. I'd be happy to hang out with and sleep with someone that had kids. Sex and me being second priority to a kid? Not a problem

But seriously date? As in build something to move forward with together? No.

Don't get me wrong. I like kids, but I like kids on a part-time basis. I like when they are someone else's problem.

[Pyromancer]

[quote=NativeSon]Well, I suppose it would depend, but if you're looking for black and white, then HELL NO.

For various reasons. Obviously, the most glaring being: "if she needs me, everything and everyone else is secondary." Would you date a guy who has a kid(s)?

I prefer a partner in crime. Most of the things I enjoy, (late nights, travel, adventure in general) aren't exactly kid friendly let alone toddler friendly. I'm not looking to be an insta-daddy.

Would you care to explain why and how you became a parent?[/QUOTE]
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*Sigh*...okay...the short version is, my husband knocked up some bimbo. I suppose I should have left him then, but I've never said I was a genius. Anyway. She was going to put the baby up for adoption when it was born, and my husband freaked out, like "She's not giving MY kid away to strangers!" I took that to mean he felt a genuine connection with his child, but I realize now that it was about control and possession. We talked it over and I agreed that we'd take the baby, but the bimbo said she wasn't giving her kid to a couple of f-ing queers, Her tune changed VERY quickly when our lawyer started waving money under her nose. The one thing I did right was to insist that the legal agreement give my husband and I equal parental rights.

I was scared to death...until the nurse put this 3 day old infant into my arms...IDK, must have been a lot of oxytocin floating around the nursery that night, because it was love at first sight.

If you're wondering why he, as the biological parent, doesn't have custody it's because he acted like an abusive asshole...to us, to the people at child protective services and to the court. People have asked me if I mind being "saddled" with his kid...nope, I feel like I've been given an amazing gift...she's MY child in every sense of the word, and I'm grateful for it.

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] --- I appreciate your candor...I wish people would think things through the way you did, and come up with honest answers.

I can deal with the truth, whether I happen to like it or not. What I can't deal with is people who say, "Oh yeah, it's great, she's adorable, I love kids" and then clearly resent my commitment to her.

I'm not really in a position to be dating seriously right now, but even casual relationships won't work if people aren't completely honest.