Dating a Disabled Adult Male

[Kabooby]

I have discoverd that a lot of guys are afraid or intimidated by disabled persons. I am visually impaired and in the advanced stages of COPD. I am told by friends that I am a pretty good looking guy, however I'm not a spring chicken, I still have a sense of humor and the gift of gab.
Most guys who I come across are totally turned off by the fact that I am visually impaired and seem to prefer a more 'perfect type ' of guy.

Is this just a geographical problem or does it exist everywhere. Any suggestions for me to let guys know that I am not a leper nor will I transmit my disablility to them.

[Jake]

Hmm...that wouldn't be a problem for me at all.

I think it'd bring me and the person closer if anything.
Although...i'd have to draw a limit at dating a torso with a head.

Maybe if you don't mention it, so he knows your whole life isn't affected by it,
That you can still live your life and share it with someone else.

[Mark]

Im sure this has come up before.. But for me I'd more than likely have an issue dating someone with a disability. Not because they are not 'perfect' but because I'd be too sympathetic - feeling sorry - trying to do everything which is very patronizing but the type of guy I am. And I'd make the person miserable

[marshlander]

Yes we have had this discussion before, but not in relation to visual impairment. To be honest, the first thought that entered my head when you mentioned it was, "I wonder if he has a more highly developed sense of touch?" Sorry, stereotypes are sometimes hard to reject, specially when they could be so advantageous I would have thought that the Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease would have been far more disabling. How can you do things if breathing is difficult? People I know who have had no sight whatsoever still manage to travel the world by themselves for their work.

With all best wishes and good luck.

[princealbertofb]

Hmm...that wouldn't be a problem for me at all.

I think it'd bring me and the person closer if anything.
Although...i'd have to draw a limit at dating a torso with a head.

Maybe if you don't mention it, so he knows your whole life isn't affected by it,
That you can still live your life and share it with someone else.

I think what Kabooby is saying here is that it is not something that can easily be disguised or hidden and so it probably shows after a while. Like a blind person walking with a white stick... how long can you hide that? Plus, to give Kakooby credit, he obviously doesn't want to pretend that he's not visually impaired, but just to find someone who can accomodate that sort of impairment and live with it, or get over it.

[princealbertofb]

Im sure this has come up before.. But for me I'd more than likely have an issue dating someone with a disability. Not because they are not 'perfect' but because I'd be too sympathetic - feeling sorry - trying to do everything which is very patronizing but the type of guy I am. And I'd make the person miserable

OR ...
you might find you learn to deal with it in a way that both of you can manage...???mile: There's still room for learning behaviour and human understanding, the key being to talk it out with that person.

[princealbertofb]

I have discovered that a lot of guys are afraid or intimidated by disabled persons. I am visually impaired and in the advanced stages of COPD. I am told by friends that I am a pretty good looking guy, however I'm not a spring chicken, I still have a sense of humor and the gift of gab.
Most guys who I come across are totally turned off by the fact that I am visually impaired and seem to prefer a more 'perfect type ' of guy.

Is this just a geographical problem or does it exist everywhere. Any suggestions for me to let guys know that I am not a leper nor will I transmit my disablility to them.

Hello Kabooby, some here would say that the "gay world", if there is such a thing, is shallow. I would tend to disagree somewhat and add that we aren't all out there on the scene, which is presumably where you would meet such shallow people, or people turned on by perfection, or being seen or getting quick fixes of sex.

While perfection may be an ideal -- and you can't blame anyone to be looking for their ideal (each to his own) -- it is rarely something that you find in real life. Some of us, I hope, are realistic enough to accept the other as he is.

It seems to me that you have been talking to the wrong set of guys altogether, for if you have the assets that are yours, ie charm, humour, good looks etc... then you definitely ought to find someone who will find that charming too.

Well, Kakooby, the question is: how many people do you really want in your life? Are you just looking for occasional hook-ups, in which case you'll probably end up with not many, that's true, or are you looking for a lifetime partner, the rare person who will understand you and take only as much notice of your disability as you care to let him take on and deal with? Are you a shy person? Is your disability something of a sore spot to bring out in a conversation?

Much to your credit, you are not trying to hide your disability nor to pretend it's not there. It would be unrealistic to do that anyway. Only on the Net is it possible to invent yourself a completely new persona, who can bear little resemblance to who you are in real life. Basically, I think you need to talk, and if you can find such a person as the one you're looking for, you'll also have to accept that they have flaws of character or physical disabilities such as yourself, probably. Good luck with the search.

[Kabooby]

That you all for the great insight into my situation. I am 56 years young, so the days of finding a quick fix in the bars are over as far as I'm concerned. I no longer attend the bars/clubs. I have discovered a few coffee shops where guys meet on a regular basis for coffee a couple of times a week. Most of these guys do not attend the bar scene either.
I do travel throughout my country independently and refuse to let any of these disablilities slow me down. I do have to take it easy with the COPD, however as you are aware, there are many positions where upper strength is not an issue.
I do know that I have a lot to offer in a relationship, however I am also aware that I would bring some baggage that would make it difficult for some people to deal with. Maybe if I could find someone in the same situation as I am??

[woodchip50]

you could find someone also in your situation. but i advise finding someone with different disabilities if you do.

you might find it useful as you age. :]

personally i dont know if i could date someone with a major impairment.
sorry to say it but its my own issue. i think i would spend my time suffering from confliction. loving them but wishing they weren't disabled.
it would tear me up and yeah. call me shallow, selfish or whatever, maybe even young and thus ignorant, but at the moment i know i would struggle.

[fudger]

At my local gay pub there are a number of people with disabilities, one blind, one deaf and a guy with no legs in a weelchair and a phalidamide. none of them seem to have any problem getting one night stands and short term relationships. The holy grail of course is to have a long term relationship but as most of us know it is hard to find that right man even if you are able bodied and a stunner, it just seems harder to find in the gay community than the straight community.

Oh and 56 is in no way too old for the bar scene, I have a friend who turns 60 next year and he is in and out of bed with 2 or 3 people every week that are half his age. I guess sone guys are just lucky