How to identify if a person is interested in talking to you?

[soulfulriver]

Hello Members,

I have a doubt to ask you all.

This is something which I have observed in my online chats with other people (eg. Whatsapp, Facebook Messenger, Forum Messaging etc.)

It is always me making the first move and initiating a conversation to the other person.

After a few messages to and fro (like 3 or 4 replies), they will stop replying me.

I will wait for 2 weeks and then message them again to follow up with them. Normally, they will tell valid reasons like they were busy and forgot to reply me. I would say it's alright.

Then again after another few messages to and fro (like 3 or 4 replies), they will stop replying me again.

And if I message them 2 weeks later, they will say that they were busy again.

The thing is that if I never message them again, they will never reply back at all.

This makes me concerned whether they are not actually interested to talk to me (or dun like to talk to me) and that is why they stopped replying me. Do you think they are just not interested to talk to me?

My thinking is that even if they are busy, they will try to reply me back after 1 week or so if they are interested in the conversation.

The sad thing is that 100% of all the conversations I had in my life so far is like this. It's always me who makes the first move and always me who is trying to keep the conversation going. Maybe it is because I seem to be a boring person?

Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too desperate to make online friends.

Looking forward to your advice.
 

[eastofeden]

It is hard to say why - would have to hear the conversation and even then I might not really "get it". 

In general - maybe they just weren't interested for whatever reason or whatever their personal red flags are you might have shown one or more. 

I know the bottom line though - just keep being who you are and you will attract someone who is compatible with you. It wouldn't really do much good to "change" assuming you are being authentic - better to wait for the guy who will appreciate who you are.

[artyboy]

Depends on what you are trying to get out of the conversation?

[InbetweenDreams]

@soulfulriver Same sort of stuff happens to me. The best advice is to worry less about it, if they were indeed worth your time they would reply and be able to keep up a conversation. That is the the main point of what I have to say.

However, there are some things that might push someone away, such as too much small talk or bringing up stuff that other people might not find interesting. Like I might like to talk about aquarium stuff, which is cool, but to other people might sound kind of nerdy or whatever.

Sometimes people are looking for attention and nothing else. I have found though many people are terrible communicators and this online only stuff I think compounds the problem. When we see people face to face we can infer a lot about intent. Body language alone can say whether someone is interested in you or not but with just text messages it's all but impossible to tell sometimes.

The bottom line is, like what I said at the start, don't worry about it so much. It is probably not you, you be yourself and if they don't reply then don't put any more effort into talking to them than you're willing and try not to be upset when they don't reply back, yes it is rude, frustrating and it is terrible that people practice this so often.

[Camfer]

You're better off being the one who initiates the conversation, so you're good there. You have to find mutual interests and focus on that so it's a meaningful conversation for both of you. You have to get past "Hi, how are you, how was your day?" as soon as possible to hold anyone's attention.

So, tell us, what are your interests?

[IanSaysHi]

Unfortunately it’s a side effect of ‘online’ conversations; people are free to casually walk out of them which you can’t do as easily in real life. This can be a benefit though (I for one can’t stand mundane taxi-style conversations like “bit wet today isn’t it?”).

[soulfulriver]

It is hard to say why - would have to hear the conversation and even then I might not really "get it". 

In general - maybe they just weren't interested for whatever reason or whatever their personal red flags are you might have shown one or more. 

I know the bottom line though - just keep being who you are and you will attract someone who is compatible with you. It wouldn't really do much good to "change" assuming you are being authentic - better to wait for the guy who will appreciate who you are.

Thanks for your reply eastofeden

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Depends on what you are trying to get out of the conversation?

Actually my intention is that I just wanted to make some online friends (like penpals).

[soulfulriver]

@soulfulriver Same sort of stuff happens to me. The best advice is to worry less about it, if they were indeed worth your time they would reply and be able to keep up a conversation. That is the the main point of what I have to say.

However, there are some things that might push someone away, such as too much small talk or bringing up stuff that other people might not find interesting. Like I might like to talk about aquarium stuff, which is cool, but to other people might sound kind of nerdy or whatever.

Sometimes people are looking for attention and nothing else. I have found though many people are terrible communicators and this online only stuff I think compounds the problem. When we see people face to face we can infer a lot about intent. Body language alone can say whether someone is interested in you or not but with just text messages it's all but impossible to tell sometimes.

The bottom line is, like what I said at the start, don't worry about it so much. It is probably not you, you be yourself and if they don't reply then don't put any more effort into talking to them than you're willing and try not to be upset when they don't reply back, yes it is rude, frustrating and it is terrible that people practice this so often.

Thanks for your reply InbetweenDreams

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You're better off being the one who initiates the conversation, so you're good there. You have to find mutual interests and focus on that so it's a meaningful conversation for both of you. You have to get past "Hi, how are you, how was your day?" as soon as possible to hold anyone's attention.

So, tell us, what are your interests?

Thanks for your reply Camfer

My interests are learning new languages, cooking, and solving riddles and puzzles.

---

Unfortunately it’s a side effect of ‘online’ conversations; people are free to casually walk out of them which you can’t do as easily in real life. This can be a benefit though (I for one can’t stand mundane taxi-style conversations like “bit wet today isn’t it?”).

Thanks for your reply IanSaysHi