i have this 'straight' friend....

[ConradTroy]

hey im new. i need a bit of help. i had a friend who i really liked but i thought he was straight. one day we were watching tv and suddenly he kissed me. i was shocked but pleased. we starting kissing and groping and that lead to bjs. we didnt really talk about it we just left it at that. the next day he came over and we started 2 get in2 it again wen he pulled away. he said he didnt want to do anything and that he was actually straight bt he was a bit curious and now he knew 4 def that he was straight. we both agreed to pretend it never hapened.
fast forward to a week later. we were at his house and he suddenly turned round and started kissing me again!:biggrin: we went up 2 his room and gave each other bjs and once again he pulled away and claimed he was straight.:mad: of course by now i new this was bull. over the next couple of months it hapened 4 more times. by this point i was sick of him messing me around. i wanted him to decide to either have a relationship with me, be my friend but not in between. he said he wanted to be friends and this would never happen again. that was 2 months ago.
yesterday he came ova 2 my house and said he wanted to have sex with me to see if he was really was straight and then possibly have a relationship. i am a virgin and want my first time to be with sum1 im in a relatioship wit bt shld i do it if theres a possiblity of it becoming a relationship? or shld i just cut him out my life cos hes messed me around so many times and prob will never no wot he wants or who he wants it with.
please help me. i need advice. thanks

[XRIMO]

Tell him to come to terms with himself. Don't allow him to walk all over you for his little 'experiment'. If he thinks he is gay, then he needs to sit and think about it and he needs to consider your feelings in this. Its not right that he's jerking you around for his own curiosity. Talk with him and let him know how you feel, if he is your friend and cares he will understand, if not then he might not be a good companion for you.

[princealbertofb]

I would really question and get him to question the fact that he's straight... In other words, I'd sit him down and ask: "Ok, you're straight, so what makes you say or think you are straight?" Help him to find what defines him as straight. Now, he may think he's straight (attracted to females etc...) or he may just be thinking he's in love with you (not potentially all males, if you see what I mean) He's comfortable with you, kissing you, getting fellatio from you and giving it to you too, which are fairly intimate and sexual attitudes and would point at least to a gay attraction, if not a complete gay makeup...

He may be struggling really hard with what's happening to him with you at the moment, liking the closeness he's getting with you, and obviously you are game for it. Maybe he thinks you could both benefit from the experience, even if it turns out that he's "straight" in the end.

It seems he is curious and at least ready to try everything once with you (sometimes even coming back for repeat sessions! mile. Would he let you penetrate him, I wonder? You should ask him that too.

I don't see that there is anything to forbid either of you trying it out. After all, you are comfortable with each other. You could consider it as being what they call "fuck buddies", not the real full blown boyfriends situation with all the emotional attachment, but just a convenience for two horny young men who'd like to experiment and do it with someone they can have fun with, and feel confortable and not awkward with.

But with the added emotion that you are wanting to put into this, I fear that he might not requite, and so you need to protect yourself from the possibility of a heartbreak (if you are falling in love with him). If you feel it may lead to that, maybe it's best that you rediscuss arrangements with him and make it clear that you can't go down that path. I'm sure he'll respect you for speaking your mind (if he's not a tosser and a user). Tell him if you feel used.

If not, just consider it as experience and nothing else, and don't expect him to give you anything that he can't give you... the reverse is also true for you. He should not expect YOU to give him anything YOU can't give him. That's the basis for a sound relationship, be it a friendship, of a "lovership".

[marshlander]

Hmm, tough one ... up to a point. You said you want your first time to be special. Okay, so don't compromise! This doesn't exclude the possibility of your first time being with him at some point, but it sounds like you would be disappointed with yourself if it happened now. Your friend clearly has some stuff to work out and I agree with XRIMO that you are under no obligation to be his lab rat.

There are places in the UK where growing up gay is not particularly easy and, if recent opinion polls reflect any truth, parts of NI rate pretty high on the homophobe scale. It is absolutely conceivable that he cannot even begin to process the idea that he may be gay. I had the same experience and it is horrible. Such internalised homophobia turns a person into the kind of jerk who creates mayhem with friendships and relationships. Unfortunately I consider myself a bit of an expert in this field! :redface: :frown:

[matty7]

think your mate is hidng his inner homo conrad ,weather he will ever admit it may be a struggle for him, i think the heavy pettin leading to bj's can be passed off once or twice as an experiment (i know that from experience) but if he keeps coming back then he definetley has some gay tendencies at the very least, if he's leaving longer gaps between coming on to you shows he's trying hard to repress these feelings but they come out eventualy and he knows now he can express them on you mate, i wouldnt go any further with him because thats goin to mess with your feelings until you both have a good talk about wots happening between you both

[BethnalG]

Hmm... maybe I'll repeat something that has already been said but if you don't feel like hving sex with hime, you shouldn't. Maybe at some point you will have sex with him but you'll also feel more comfortable with it. Don't let him make you do things you don't want to do. And I think you should also help him come to terms with his sexuality. I might be trying to convince himself that he's straight. I went through the same thing. I just objected to the idea that I was gay. But eventually I came to terms with it. :-)

[albabonzai]

Hey, look i would wait till you are sure you are happy. I personnaly am waiting for the right guy to go allll the way with....... If this guy is mucking you around so much, confront him, dont do something you think you will regret. ALWAYS TO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

B xx

[princealbertofb]

Hmm, tough one ... up to a point. You said you want your first time to be special. Okay, so don't compromise! This doesn't exclude the possibility of your first time being with him at some point, but it sounds like you would be disappointed with yourself if it happened now. Your friend clearly has some stuff to work out and I agree with XRIMO that you are under no obligation to be his lab rat.

There are places in the UK where growing up gay is not particularly easy and, if recent opinion polls reflect any truth, parts of NI rate pretty high on the homophobe scale. It is absolutely conceivable that he cannot even begin to process the idea that he may be gay. I had the same experience and it is horrible. Such internalised homophobia turns a person into the kind of jerk who creates mayhem with friendships and relationships. Unfortunately I consider myself a bit of an expert in this field! :redface: :frown:

And yet, you've turned out all right, my lover.... Believe me, the traces aren't too visible. Anyway without that experience I may never have met you... so I thank my lucky stars... mile: