Random Jokes

[albabonzai]

URGENT NEWSFLASH: England issues nationwide flood warnings as 5 Million Scots piss themselves with laughter!

[marshlander]

That's going to be some clean-up operation :eek:

[albabonzai]

That's going to be some clean-up operation :eek:

It will solve your water shortage problems :p

[albabonzai]

In the Jungle, the African jungle "3 Lions" sleep tonight coz, in the morning the early morning, they have to catch a flight...

No win away, No win away, No win away, No win away, No win away, No win away, No win away, No win away..............

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Actual Town Names from Around the Globe.


Shafter (California, USA)

Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)

Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)

Bastard (Norway)

Twatt (Orkney, UK)

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)

Muff (Northern Ireland)

Wankie (Zimbabwe)

Climax (Colorado, USA)

Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)

Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)

Fukum (Yemen)

Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)

Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)

Turdo (Romania)

Dongo (Congo, Democratic Republic)

Seymen (Turkey)

Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)

Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)

Wanks River (Nicaragua)

Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)

Fuku (Shensi, China)

Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)

Fukui (Honshu, Japan)

Shag Island (Indian Ocean)

Fukue (Honshu, Japan)

Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)

Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)

Chinaman's Knob (Australia)

Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

Tittybong (Australia)

Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)

Dikshit (India)

Wankener (India)

Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)

Beaver Lick, Knob Lick, Red Bush, Gays Creek, Fisty, Dykes, Breeding (Kentucky, USA)

Belchertown (Massachusetts, USA)

Tit-Ary (Siberia)

Bra (Italy)

Assen and Dikanas (Sweden)

Beaver City and Floyd's Knobs (Indiana, USA)

Frazier's Bottom (West Virginia, USA)

Alison's Gap, Bumpass and Ballsville (Virginia, USA)

Knockemstiff and Round Bottom (Ohio, USA)

Colon and Cumnock (North Carolina, USA)

Kickapoo, Red Dick and Pink Staff (Illinois, USA)

Butts (Georgia, USA)

Nutbush, Love Lady and Big Lick (Tennessee, USA)

Gay (Oklahoma, USA)

Tightwad (Missouri, USA)

Blue Ball, Hooker and Bald Knob (Arkansas, USA)

Phuket (Thailand)

Condom (France)

Buttsville (New Jersey, USA)

Spread Eagle (Newfoundland)

Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)

Puseyville (Pennsylvania, USA)

Blue Ball (Pennsylvania, USA)

Big Beaver (Saskatchewan, USA)

[marshlander]

Someone has too much time on their hands!

Near here there are places named Gaywood, Gayton, Stiffkey, Cockthorpe, Didlington and probably lots of others too, but it's late and I can't think of them.

[Rychard the Lionheart]

Subject: A.A.A.D.D


Do you have A. A. A. D. D.? (Advanced Absentminded Attention Deficit
Disorder)

This is how it goes:

I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on
the table.

OK, I'm going to wash the car, but first I'm going to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail, and notice the
trashcan is full.

OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trashcan out, but since
I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.

Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra
checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to
look for those checks. But first I have to put my coke further away from
the computer, or maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for
awhile.

I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye; they need some
water.

I set the coke on the counter, and uh oh. There are my glasses. I was
looking for them all morning. I'd better put them away first.

I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots. Uh
oh.....someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look
in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television, so I'd better put
it back in the family room where it belongs.

I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote
onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to
figure out what it was I was going to do?

End of the Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is
sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half-watered, the checkbook
still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys.

When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled
because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!!!

I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, but first I think
I'll check my email................

[princealbertofb]

Rychard, I loved this one;... It's so funny... Aren't we all a bit affected? or is it just my mother?

[Rychard the Lionheart]

An inexperienced farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for their wool.
After several weeks he notices that none of the sheep are yet pregnant and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means, but not wanting to display his ignorance only asks the vet how he'll be able to tell if it's worked?
"That's simple" says the vet, "as soon as they fall pregnant they'll stop standing and instead will lie down and wallow in the long grass".

The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover,drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back,and goes to bed to recover from the morning's exertions.

Next morning, he wakes up and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around he deduces that the first try didn't work, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
"Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up. He drives them out to the woods, spends all day shagging them and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, He can't even raise himself from his bed to look out of the window. Instead, he asks his wife to look and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No" she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them's beeping the horn." !!

[Rychard the Lionheart]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:
"Emma come first, den I come, den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more, two asses, they come together again, I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives........"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."