Never! No Chance!

[Stefan Romir]

Nope!  I will never do any coming out - although, I'm not sure what I'd actually be saying that I am, because the jury's still a long way off/out, over that!  

I continually assess the losses and gains to doing the telling all / coming out thing, and I decide, within a few seconds, that I will remain secretive and curious, forever!

Once you jump off that announcement cliff, you can't jump back on, frantically trying to suck back in those words used when you tell folk...I'll always feel comfortable in not telling anybody anything, but my confusion about what I am is helping me to keep in check, in this area!

[InbetweenDreams]

So what are the concerns you have about coming out? Not suggesting that you do, or don't. And yes, once the cat is out of the bag you can't put it back in. There is a comfort in not taking action but there are risks in that as well. One thing is for sure you do find out who your true friends are and how people are. What I can say just in my personal experience most people don't really care. That being said, I don't think coming out means you have to tell everyone, you tell who you want to tell it to...friends and family in my case. I don't feel the need to get a megaphone and tell the general public.

As far as confusion about what you are. Well, I'm 35 and I kind still don't know what label fits me. I like men and I also like women, but have no experience in that department to speak of. So yeah, do I tell people I'm gay...or bi, maybe I'm pan? If you're still figuring things out don't feel pressured to tell everyone. You do that stuff when you're good and ready to so.

[Stefan Romir]

In another lifetime, maybe, but...not in this one.

[InbetweenDreams]

In another lifetime, maybe, but...not in this one.

I guess I'm just curious as to why?

[CellarDweller]

You are not required to come out if you choose not to.

I came out at 27, it was the best decision of my life. That being said, I understand that what works for me, may not work for anyone else.

All I will say to you is "never say never". I'm not saying you must come out. I'm just saying to not restrict yourself with absolutes. Keep an open mind, so that way you can be more open to changing it, if that is what you choose.

[Stefan Romir]

I'm inclined to think of it as being...there is absolutely no need for me to "come out", at all. I know hetero folk and they've never felt the need to do any coming out and admitting that they bonk with the opposite sex. So, if they don't need to, and if gay / bi / curious / hets are all equals, then I've no reason to come out, also.

Last time I talked on the phone, to customer support of a company, I never felt inclined to say, "Hi, I wondered if you could help me to figure out how to wire some speakers to my TV so that I have some chance of actually hearing it, one day - oh, and, by the way...do you screw men or women, or both?" As long as there is no lack of freedom felt by me, in the keeping of it close to my chest, I've no reason to come out, at all. I'll just cruise, as I have done, and see what life brings.

[CellarDweller]

Your second statement reminded me of a work situation I had once.

LOL

I work in a bank, in a back-office position. However, when I started with this bank, I was a teller in the branch.

A customer came in, and we were talking about social lives. I stated I was single, and the following back and forth happened:

Customer: No worries, Chuck, you'll get married one day!

Me: Who said I want to get married?

Customer: Ok then, Chuck, we'll find ya a nice woman to date!

Me: Who said I want a woman?

Customer: Hahaha! Ok then, Chuck! We'll find ya someone else!


Now, I am sure the client was not trying to find out about my sexual identity, but I answered as I did because the assumption was that I was straight, which would've been wrong.

Again, what works for me, won't work for everyone, so I can understand why you say you will never come out, but coming out isn't simply running around telling people your preferences for no reason.

[Cridders88]

Welcome to the forum @Stefan Romir

I can see your point, absolutely. Why should you feel the need to come out when hetrosexual people don't. I like the sentiment.

There is however, a difference between shouting it from the rooftops and deliberately trying to cover it up/hide it. The latter gets exhausting eventually, believe me. What would you do if someone asked you about your sexuality?

You mention aswell that you aren't sure of your sexuality yet. That is absolutely fine too. There is always time to explore. But once you are more sure, don't say never to being more open about it, it makes life a lot easier (this is obviously VERY dependent on where you are in the world of course and the attitudes of people around you).

[Tjemka88]

So basically you're saying you want to spend your life in lies, forever pretending to be someone you're not? If that feels right for you, go for it.

[Bhp91126]

Hi Stefan, welcome to GS.
The only ”˜coming out’ that really matters is to yourself, when you acknowledge your sexuality,(be it gay, straight, bi, pan, a, trans, whatever, it’s all good), independently from social pressures/expectations from friends, family, colleagues etc. .
Purpose of that acknowledgment is that you can live a sexually fulfilling life.
You are not required to adopt a label and shout it to the world.
Just be honest with your romantic and/or sexual partners.
Nothing is written in stone and sexuality can be fluid as well.
Don’t worry, be happy