Long distant relationships: do they have a chance?

[CurtCB]

Actually I feel like the meanest prick in the world. He is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet and I am afraid my honesty will leave him cold and bitter.
Despite the fact that I have been hiding it in my attempts at making humorous posts, I am depressed, laid out on my sofa, and drinking beer at 1:30 in the afternoon.
I tried talking to my best friend about it and all he did was give me a chorus of "I told you so" and "Don't live your life on the internet".

[princealbertofb]

Friends who are telling you: "I told you so", and "Don't live your life on the Internet", probably have no idea how lonely a man can get, nor how much more difficult it could be for a gay relationship to happen (given the numbers of gay men out there, supposedly)...

I could confirm everything that Marshlander has already said. I am glad that we have found a way to make our relationship work. Indeed without mobile phones and the Internet and all the modern means of communication, there may never have been an "US", but we live in a world where e-mails, text messages, and other phone calls (+ chat rooms) or MSN are available and they helped to affirm our love for each other, on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. mile:

In your case what would have proven to be a problem, no doubt, would be not only the fact that he was living so far away but the fact that he is from another culture (isn't he?) and that your standards and his standards might not be the same. I think Marshlander and I share the same sort of standards, which, I believe helps greatly.

A long-distance relationship can work and may even have hidden bonuses. It all very much depends on how much you are committed to making it work... Like any relationship, it needs work to be sustainable (not that it's hard work, of course , but it does entail thought(s) and time, and a minimum of availability).

I do agree with Marshlander that having something planned for future visits is also a good way to make it work, because even though it is hard to be apart for long weeks at a time, it is also a wonderful thing to be together again and to know that these "together times" are coming. I think it has really strengthened our relationship to have what we have. Marsh even gave me a surprise visit for my birthday, and that was the nicest surprise and present ever... (of course it's more affordable between the UK and France than between the States and Indonesia).

I'd say that long distance relationships have always existed, even in the days when people just wrote letters and shipped them abroad... The letters would be received some days or weeks later, and each post would be awaited eagerly. Absence can make the heart grow fonder, but it all depends on whether you can endure it for yourself or not, and whether the relationship (in writing, online, on the phone etc..) fulfils your idea of a romance. In a way, it may also be just a springboard towards a closer relationship in the future (when one or the other partner decides to settle for good).

[marshlander]

Actually I feel like the meanest prick in the world ...

This too is understandable, but it says a lot about you. Somebody out there, please snap this man up, before he spends all his money on beer.

He will eventually get over it and I'm sure he will eventually see that you were right to do what you did. Don't beat yourself up for too long

All the best.

[wouldlikemuscle]

I guess you could say I very nearly went there... a few hundred miles rather than 1000s, but I think for a relationship to work for ME, I'd need close contact.. just someone who I can go to whenever I need to get a needed hug or to tell my woes etc... not saying I'd need that all the time, but local is better IMO for being able to do that. But that's my needs. And as we've seen, the longer distance relationships can and DO work out very well indeed.

[aspidistra]

The fact that you feel depressed and feel like a mean prick really proves the point that you cannot be.

Although I would probably not have been abrupt in breaking it off, but done my best to explain exactly why I didn't think a relationship over that distance was in the least feasible, and perhaps suggest we consider our luck at becoming friends after a little time has passed to settle down.

Nevertheless, I really don't think a relationship over that distance would have ever been possible unless one of you was willing/prepared to move. But then again, its a big risk to take when you haven't really had the chance to spend a long time together and see if a relationship is even possible. So all in all, you made absolutely the right decision.

[gaygay33]

I used to like someone over the Internet and we would talk over the phone. He told me a lot of nice things so I really started to like him. But we never had a relationship but I felt like it was. I used to get so jealous when he told me he had sex with someone!!!! We are friends though but just too far

[Mf1611]

i have a little experience in long distance relationships and from what i know they mainly do not work most people i talk to tell me that they never work

[marshlander]

Find some other people to have a chat with... ?